Why Nice Guys Get No Love… At First

- By Bossip Staff

When we were young and we thought about our ideal man, he was perfect.

He was smart and fine, charming and confident, sweet and sensitive with a little bit of an edge to him. As we got older we realized a little too fast that all these characteristics don’t always coexist. And if they do you there’s always the other part of the puzzle. He has to want you back. (Kudos to the lucky, lucky sister who’s managed to snag this dream man.) Anyway when you were little, or even today you might pass on somebody you pegged as being “too nice.”

Maybe you couldn’t articulate exactly what it was that you couldn’t stand about him; but here are the real reasons why you let that one get away. (Continue…)

More Stories From Bossip

Comments

  • ReallynotInterested

    When will men learn that women have to be “dogged out” by thugs before they desire the nice guy?

    • chrissy17

      WOMP WOMP…..

    • ItsWhatever

      CORRECTION………..not a good woman.

      And I am clearly that! This article should be for women too…..as I find myself in this same boat as this article.

    • E.C. from D.C.

      Oh f*ck this … I LOVE a nice guy. “Bad boys” yeah they look good but they can eat a d*ck in the end. Though I love a nice guy I find nice guys usually have more baggage than “bad boys”.

    • JM@gic(Trini-americans Dont Coon out,leave it for the Afro-americans )

      The majority of those nice black guys want a black woman,but black women want the thugs and athletes,so the nice guys go to white women who will accept them…but black women being them,if a black man is not with a black woman he better be miserable and lonely

  • Daisy Jay

    Because too many stupid women think of them as “boring”. They want the bad guy for some reason. They don’t understand a bad guy is just that: a BAD GUY. A guy that has nothing to offer. They leave Mr. Right that’s right in front of their eyes for a little boy who isn’t worth ish. Then when that goes bad, they’re stuck on stupid for why they’re lonely. All the while, a smart woman is getting hitched with the man the stupid woman let go.

    Life is nothing but a comical show full of karma teehee.

    Women: Stop being dumb. Dust off your brain and wake up.

    • ReallynotInterested

      Women can’t think correctly when they are searching for a man with SWAG. Seems like their ideal man is Jim Jones in a suit and tie with a corporate job. These women can’t grasp the concept that street dudes and corporate America don’t mix. Why women desire jail birds for love and affection is confusing.

    • Daisy Jay

      Yep. They want a Tupac with a Master’s Degree. Wtf? You can’t have both! There is no man on the planet who is both! And you’re right about the “swag” thing. Wtf is that about, I don’t get it! Since when did swag have anything to do with being a life partner? Last time I checked, it doesn’t. “Bad guys” aren’t marriage material, but too many women seem to think so. Then they look dumb when the relationship goes down the drain.

      I just….argh, I know I don’t know everything in the world and I’m not perfect, but it seems like I’m one of few women who have common sense. I mean if a woman wants the bad guy, that’s fine. She can do whatever she wants. But she better keep her mouth shut when he starts to act up. You get what you ask for.

    • DaHonestTruth ~ Always Keepin it Real

      So you’re telling me Jay Z and Diddy aren’t seen as “bad boys” or promoting “swagger”?? Daisy – you’re making crap up to support your ridiculous point.. You know full well what I’m saying.. If your ignorance or willingness to argue makes you not see it then go on about your business – I’ll keep my opinion and you can keep yours.. The point I was making that is VERY TRUE is that there are men in the industry who are seen as “bad boys” and have still been able to break into corporate gains and that “bad boy” or having “swag” does not mean a man is a criminal thug..

      And I don’t need to make you look stupid Daisy… You’re doing a stand up superb job of doing that yourself…🙂

    • WithAllHonesty

      I’m going to have to agree with y’all. Good valid points.

  • DaHonestTruth ~ Always Keepin it Real

    I’m going to say this and then I’m going to attempt to digress – but it is rather ironic that you both say there is no such thing as a “bad boy with SWAG and a COrporate mentality” yet both of the “bad boys” you referenced are so called “bad boys” who did turn their brand into a corporate success.. Jay Z, Diddy and countless others fall into that category. I do believe Diddy holds a college degree..

    So what you’re both saying is a male with a “bad boy” mentality cannot be educated.. Thats not really giving the black man too much credit – yet you get mad when sistas like me agree with the low level of credit that you give to him..

    But I digress now because I am not into “bad boys” period, educated or not.. I just wanted to point out the irony…

    • ReallynotInterested

      I can’t believe I’m even responding to you! But your comment about Puffy is incorrect. He attended Howard University and he dropped out a few semesters later. And the point Daisy and I were making is that men with Thug mentalities cannot make it in corporate America. Jay Z and Puffy are not thugs. They may have at one time portrayed the image but they were smart enough to abandon it.

    • DaHonestTruth ~ Always Keepin it Real

      Daisy give it a rest, will you?? Are you really that freakin stupid that you can’t see I jsut gave the black man a COMPLIMENT in pointing out he can have a bad boy persona and still be educated or corporate inclined??

      I don’t care about bad boys being bashed.. I don’t date them however you made a point about the inability to be both things and I put out some instances where they were very able to including two examples of men that the two of you used – BLACK MEN!! So don’t even go there about how did it become about race. The two of YOU used black men in your examples.. So called bad boys come in all races yet the two of you referred to black men..

      Don’t come at me for making an example of your example.. GTFOH with that crap!!

    • DaHonestTruth ~ Always Keepin it Real

      Now let’s get the terminology right.. A bad boy is not necessarily a thug.. I am referring to the “bad boy” and “swag” comments, not thugs. A thug is most likely a criminal a bad boy or a man with “swag” not necessarily.. I am making the point that a bad boy or a man with swag can do both.. Obama has quite a bit of swag and he is the POTUS…

      And as far as Diddy and his degree I said I believe he owns one.. If he didn’t graduate then he didn’t graduate.. The point being made was he has the bad boy persona and is very corporate inclined.. Both can be done at the same time..

    • Daisy Jay

      Uhm, DAISY used a black man as an example? He said it, but even if he did, you think that he’s implying that only black men are bad guys? Uhm, he kinda is! But he just so happens to be black! Heck, you want me to name some white guys? Jesse James? Mel Gibson? Does that make you feel a little better or something?

      No, you did not compliment them. Wanna know why? Because your “compliment” was a false fact. Neither Jay nor Diddy are bad guys. Don’t try to look innocent because you DID turn this into a race debate. Like always. You know, maybe you’re too oblivious to the fact that you always talk bull. Maybe you’ve been doing it so much, it’s second nature to you and it’s just completely normal. You seriously need to GET A GRIP! And you’re FAILING at trying to make me look “stupid” right now. The only stupid person is YOU. And everybody on the site would agree to that.

  • MR.MAKE.YA.FEELGOOD.(always read the fine print)

    I could go on and on on this topic. Single ladies or to the ones who are in or have been in jacked up relationships. Ask yourselves this. Think about some of the dudes who you thought were corny back in HS. And look at him now. How many of those types of dudes would you RUN

    • MR.MAKE.YA.FEELGOOD.(always read the fine print)

      (damm cufflinks hit send. sorry) How many of those types of dudes would you RUN to get with now. looking back at life with your adult eyes? It’s funny. Men don’t look at women who have a edge or swagger and say “She’s marriage material” Women like The Brat,Nene Leakes, many of the girls on the bad girls reality show, Chilli after viewing her show,Evelyn from basketball wives, ect. And PLEASE don’t say it’s because we don’t like strong blk women. No. It’s bcz we don’t like loud women in general.

  • (_Jasmine_)

    I all know a lot of nice guys and for the most part have all those qualities..It’s more than just bad verses good guy…

    I think, for many, most good guys don’t look as good as bad guys and so women end up not being attracted to him…

  • Janay

    I agree not all but some dumb chicks place more value on swag instead of integrity and values. Choosing thugs over real men is very childish.

  • Naaa

    You can’t help who u Prefer! Some women DON’T want Nerdy dudes *shrugs* that’s what they LIKE..!

    That doesn’t make u better than them!

    • ReallynotInterested

      Who said anything about being better? If you want a street dude then go for it! Just don’t complain when he does you dirty. Don’t complain when he is in and out of prison. Once you make a choice to deal with this man and his “ways”, you no longer have a right to complain about what he did to you. You can no longer cry that he is a dead beat dad when you knew all along that he possessed a shady character.

  • Allie

    I agree with @ReallyNotInterested, you should know what kind of character a man has just from how he says “hello”, yes maybe you don’t know anything and everything about them yet, but you should know what you’re getting into with most if not all men

  • Daisy Jay

    @DaHonest… Clarification: Swag has little to do with being “bad” *blank* A bad boy barely has ANY good qualities. Too many negative personality traits, probably a troublemaker, etc. Wtf a bad boy is a man with swag but can fit in the corporate world? You don’t find bad boys in law firms. You don’t find bad boys in business suits. But you CAN find them on the corner or at your local jail. Bad boys are cheaters. Liars. Inconsiderate people. And a ton of other things. It’s impossible to be bad and good at the same time.

  • IMHO

    the only reason nice guys finish last is because they’re holding the door for everyone else.

    • G.M.

      thats dope and absolute truth

  • chrissy17

    just like they say to us they want a lady in streets and a freak in the bed….we want the same thing….good guy in the streets but a freak in the bed….HANDLE YA BIZ….Im all for a good guy….but in the bed he better be pulling my hair and spankin my azz….or choking my azz….ya heard…..

  • Keep it Real

    Ok, the attractive black girls don’t want the good guys until they’re established making bank. The good guy’s after being rejected by the attractive black girls doesn’t fill once he’s established should have a loyally to only date women who once rejected him.😆

  • The Commenter Formerly Known as White Devil

    I think there should be made between bad boys who are losers in all aspects of their lives and bad boys who are successful financially but just treat women like shyt. Many women are attracted to both types.

    • The Commenter Formerly Known as White Devil

      Should read “I think a distinction should be made”

  • TriniSazon

    its just like how guys cry about wanting a good chick someone they can bring home to thier mothers but then you see them with ho’s .. being nice doesnt cut it in relationships anymore

    • DaHonestTruth ~ Always Keepin it Real

      Excellent Point!! It does appear the hoes, strippers and hoodrats are “winning” these days in the eyes of a great deal of men of a certain races..

    • HARDMIKE

      @dahonest
      Sigh…..
      Everyone and they grandma know what you trying to imply and its quite shameful….

      You really starting to scare me at this point, because you my dear delusional friend are trying to imply that black men and their dating standards are clearly defined by what celebrity black men and athletes put on display by a gossip website, is the true dating choices of an entire race of men, SERIOUSLY I know you aint the only one who does it, but surely everyone can see that you are the most adamant about your beliefs, and to that I must say, if black men had such low standards when it came to marriage, the black marriage rate would be astronomical, but clearly this is not the case.

      But if it helps you to sleep better at night, keep believing that

    • DaHonestTruth ~ Always Keepin it Real

      Actually I’m the first to make the distinction of whats seen with Celebrities vs Everyday men.. I often point then out when black men on this blog start claiming white women are falling at their feet because they see these rich athletes and entertainers with them.. But the black mans attraction to these low level types of women cross celebrity/everyday male lines.. There are plenty of black men who seek out the most low level women to be with – perhaps because of their own self esteem issues – and then when it goes foul they judge all black women as being these types of women..

      And if to believe anything different gets you through the night then sleep well…

    • HARDMIKE

      I often point then out when black women on this blog start claiming white men are falling at their feet because they see these rich entertainers with them.. But the black womans attraction to these low level types of men cross celebrity/everyday female lines.. There are plenty of black women who seek out the most low level men to be with – perhaps because of their own self esteem issues – and then when it goes foul they judge all black men as being these types of men..

  • DaHonestTruth ~ Always Keepin it Real

    So you’re telling me Jay Z and Diddy aren’t seen as “bad boys” or promoting “swagger”?? OMG!!

    Daisy – you’re making crap up to support your ridiculous point.. You know full well what I’m saying.. If your ignorance or willingness to argue makes you not see it then go on about your business – I’ll keep my opinion and you can keep yours.. The point I was making that is VERY TRUE is that there are men in the industry who are seen as “bad boys” and have still been able to break into corporate gains and that “bad boy” or having “swag” does not mean a man is a criminal thug..

    And I don’t need to make you look stupid Daisy… You’re doing a stand up superb job of doing that yourself…🙂

  • ItsWhatever

    This article is totally bull@hi+!

  • Just Me

    All the high school cornballs are running to comment lol

    Everybody has a preference. Just like black men love non-black or barely black women, some women prefer a masculine man, and no, all of them aren’t thugs or bad guys. Get over yourselves.

  • Daisy Jay

    @DaHonest
    Did you not read my last comment? Just because they have “swag”, that has barely anything to do with being a “bad boy”. Neither one of them are. If anybody – as far as rappers go – Lil Wayne is a bad boy. Gucci is a bad boy. And I’m not speaking about “swag” either.

    No, I am not making up crap and I have never spoken of any ridiculous point. What ignorance am I displaying may I ask? Are you just saying that because you don’t like me? And you somehow disagree with me? The point you made actually didn’t make sense at all and it’s just not true. I would love for you to give me a valid example of a bad boy who could make it in the corporate world. Your definition of “bad boy” is warped.

    Hmm I’m the one that looked stupid but I have people agreeing with me and you’re the one who is being disagreed with. Hmm if that makes me stupid, just slap a dunce cap on me! I’m done giving you my time.

    • DaHonestTruth ~ Always Keepin it Real

      You’re being ignorant because you are going around the point you KNOW FULL WELL I’m making for the sake of arguing with me.. The point I am making is 1) bad boy does not equal thug and 2) a bad boy can be educated and corporate business inclined.. You know as well as I know this is all I’m saying…

      And I have yet to see someone agree with you that being a bad boy means you’re a thug… I don’t see all of these people on your side..

    • Daisy Jay

      *blank* Okay.

  • DaHonestTruth ~ Always Keepin it Real

    So you’re telling me Jay Z and Diddy aren’t seen as “bad boys” or promoting “swagger”?? Daisy – you’re making crap up to support your ridiculous point.. You know full well what I’m saying.. If your ignorance or willingness to argue makes you not see it then go on about your business – I’ll keep my opinion and you can keep yours.. The point I was making that is VERY TRUE is that there are men in the industry who are seen as “bad boys” and have still been able to break into corporate gains and that “bad boy” or having “swag” does not mean a man is a criminal thug..

    • The Commenter Formerly Known as White Devil

      Jay Z and Diddy made most of their money by being entertainers. They were musicians playing the bad boy role, just like Axl Rose or David Lee Roth or any of a number of hard rock musicians. They were able to expand into other business ventures, but I don’t think they would have gotten far if they hadn’t already been successful in music.

    • DaHonestTruth ~ Always Keepin it Real

      Yes they made alot of their money from music but you’d be surprised how much more they make by selling themselves in the Corporate world. Do you know both Jay and Diddy made more money last from their clothing labels alone than their music? Sure they may not have had the money to make it in the Corp world and being entertainers has something to do with the opportunities awarded to them but the point is that they were still able to parlay that success into the Corporate world and thats nothing to overlook.. It does take talent to come from the streets and be that savvy once you have money.. Just think of all the ones who can’t and end up broke in about a decade.. There are athletes with yearly contracts who are still going broke..

  • Uhh yeah ok

    Well women do want MEN so if you have to be told how to be one you’re an idiot.

    Swagg is Image.

    • HARDMIKE

      Some women need to realize that a relationship shouldnt solely be based on what they want, when women have lists of specifications that a man must have to date them, its usually a signal that she doesnt have much to offer

      *You want him to be what you want him to be, yet you are appalled if he dares prefers you to be what he wants

    • Daisy Jay

      @HARDMIKE
      Ding ding ding!

    • Mr. got that ack right

      You statement made no sense whatsoever.

      “Women want MEN, so if you have to be told how you’re an IDIOT”.

      You sound like the idiot, to be honest.

      All men are created differently, so for you to surmise that all men should know how to act is DUMB.

    • Uhh yeah ok

      Actually it’s pretty simple… What I want somebody to be is irrelevant or at least it should be to them, an individual. “Nice” is just a characteristic and it’s the least you could be in trying to get to know and understand somebody. Their “Swag” has nothing to do with how “nice” they are. It’s confidence, and sorry, nope… I can’t teach you that.

  • The Commenter Formerly Known as White Devil

    Donald Trump is a bad boy.

  • DR.FUNK

    A “nice guy” who is’nt wealthy might just as well join a monastery.Better off being a jerk.It’s what she wants.

  • Janay

    Diddy has bad boy recording label lol

    • DaHonestTruth ~ Always Keepin it Real

      And thats the absolute comedy part about Daisy telling me further up that DIddy is not a “bad boy”.. HIS FREAKIN LABEL IS NAMED BAD BOYS!!

    • Daisy Jay

      He’s a Bad Boy because that’s the name of his label? Really. I guess if I create my own record label called White Witches, I would be a White Witch. Since, ya know, it’s the name of my label.

      What he does is an act. If he was a real bad boy, he wouldn’t be where he is right now. Period.

    • DaHonestTruth ~ Always Keepin it Real

      LOL @ Daisy!! So you’re saying that you have NEVER heard Diddy refer to himself adn his boys as bad boys in any of his songs?? I’m going to as.sume you’ve never heard of the song BAD BOYS FOR LIFE!!! SMH – Daisy give it up.. You’re arguing just to argue at this point…

    • Daisy Jay

      @DaHonest
      Is your brain really that small? Okay he called himself that aaaaaaand? What does that have to do with what he really is? His personality? The certain moves he makes? He is very intelligent and he turned himself into a mogul. He takes good care of his children. He may me kinda of arrogant, but he comes off as a good person. He is not what a bad boy is. I think you’re disagreeing with me so much because you have a strange definition of what a bad boy really is. How about we agree to disagree because I’m sick and tired of arguing with a dumb, brick wall.

    • DaHonestTruth ~ Always Keepin it Real

      What you should be sick and tired of is sounding like a A.S.S. claiming this man who refers to himself and his boys as “BAD BOYS” in just about every one of his songs is not a bad boy!!! I guess we’ll agree to disagree..

  • kerry (Black women, why are you so amazing?)

    Bad boys, bad boys, whatcha gonna do? Whatcha gonna do when they come for you?

  • Mrs. Rance

    What I really want to know is did you get permission to use my kinfolk’s picture for this story?

    • Just Me

      Thats your bro or something right? Girl He is delectable…..

1 2 3
blog comments powered by Disqus