Dear Bossip: I’m In Love With A Married Man

- By Bossip Staff

Good day to you, sis! Happy Friday and thank you for writing in and sharing your story! Wow! You said you don’t know where to start so how ’bout you stop! This is a situation where your heart led when your head should have been the first thing to follow. The first thing you should know is that a virtual outsider or “the other woman” will always be the one to suffer in these kind of circumstances. Unfortunately, for you, you will have to find a way to part ways from this man and regain your thoughts and emotions and move on from this. It sounds like you two entered each other’s lives at time when you were both seeking companionship and you both fulfilled the role but emotions got in the way and things got deeper than you expected. Now, four years later, you’re mourning the loss of a relationship that may not have been promising to begin with.

So, you ask, how do I let go? And the answer is simple, you step away and you let go. You said that he was blaming his wife and the assets they share for the divorce being stalled, however, it should never take that long to come to a mutual agreement and part ways on paper. After four years, in any type of relationship, there should be a concrete understanding of what each of you need and, after that, you should both be working to fulfill said needs. You didn’t go into detail about the dialogue you had in terms of his finalizing the divorce but if it was something that you expressed your concerns about it should have been addressed in way that you would’ve been able to make a sound decision to continue or move on. If you decided to stay with the man knowing full well he was married and had no intention to split immediately, then you can’t be mad at the outcome because you put his needs and wants before your own – which is never the best thing to do. Another thing to keep in mind is this: as long as this man is still married, his wife and family are getting and will continue to get the best of what he has to offer, respectfully so. And, as long as he’s still married, you will never be his first priority. No doubt, it sounds cruel or harsh but it’s real.

Sis, you have to take this as a lesson learned. Never date a married man until the divorce is final! Even after that, consider whether or not he’s taken the time and space necessary to develop a solid, healthy relationship. At this point, sis, you should take some time to heal and love yourself enough to move on and know you deserve a man who can avail himself to you as you can to him. Think of all the love you have to give as an investment of your time and energy – and if you’re not seeing enough return to be satisfied in your choice, withdraw! Time is precious, it waits for no one and you can’t get it back so invest it wisely! Get back into you and do all the therapeutic things necessary to bring you out of your heartache and back to a space where you’re willing to give and receive the love that you’re searching for. As for the man you’re aching over, make a solid decision to keep it movin’ and don’t look back! Appreciate him for the friend he was when you needed one and learn from the experience of loving a man who wasn’t able to love you back. Be strong and move on, sis! Be strong!

What are your thoughts, Bossip Fam? Please share them below!

Have a wonderful weekend and please remember to e-mail all topic suggestions, questions and feedback to!


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  • Snookums

    First! U needs to go Doll!

    • nissan

      I am a 25 years old white girl, fascinated with blackman.
      My boyfriend and i ,we met at HotBlackwhite* c0M — 😉 ;).
      This is a serious and authentic website.If u want a interracial dating with your true love. This is the best choice for u!
      HotBlackwhite* c0M — 😉 😉

  • Nana

    You go girl…! As long as is NOT ma man cuz I will BREAT u like a twig

  • prissa

    Let it go and move on. If it’s real and HE’s real he will take care of business and ya’ll can get back together AFTER the divorce is final.

    Oh and he doesn’t have to stay married to be there for his daughter.

    Don’t be fooled cuz you’ve been 1 for long enough. Good Luck!

  • cypher

    He’s married! He is legally, emotionally and financially obligated and connected with another woman, who is NOT you. Four years have gone by and you could have spent that time building with someone that was truly yours, not someone who borrows you for a few hours he has to spare.

  • http://bossip sha

    If Akeys found happiness with her married man, she can to as well ! Thats the impression you all give. If you make the married man happy, go for it. If Akeys can do it we all can !

  • Ivebeenthere2

    I fully understand what you are going through I have been in the same situation for 10 years ( I met him when I was 20) and I just realized that if anyone is gonna change and put a stop to this “relationship” it was gonna have to be me. As long as someone is having their cake and eating it too what do they have to complain about? When you learn and know your worth you will want and demand more and decide better for yourself. We all make mistakes and get vulnerable at times no one is perfect. People can call you names and say what they would do but you never know until you are in that situation. In all in all I just hope you learn from this situation and try not to make the same mistake twice. Happiness & blessings to you.

    • JustAshley

      10 years? 10 Motha frikkin’ years? OMG! Thats just so sad! How could you let some man dog you for so long?!?? I hope you learned everything you needed to from that experience. I hope you know your worth now. SMH

  • 2Sweet



      EXACTLY! A man tried to tell me that crap about him and his wife living in the same home and that dividing property lie, I was gone so fast he didn’t know what happened.

      Stop letting these married men get away with this foolishness. Sleeping around with someone’s spouse is just bad karma. People lie all the time, it’s up to you not to fall for their foolishness.

  • Christal

    Borrowed kisses and stolen moments belong to the woman who has sold herself way to short. I don’t even know you and I am confident that you deserve more, are you?

  • 1luv

    You reap what you sow! Never asked questions?…hummm..That don’t even sound like a woman(and I am one). You knew the deal in your heart,didn’t want to hear it come out of his mouth! Move on but I would advise that you don’t fall in love and get married. Why?, because what goes around comes around. Yours is coming 😦

  • Kat Williams

    She have all the happiness and blessing you HAVE. Hey Lady your husband’s cheating on us 🙂

  • lonely

    Run and Never look back!

  • sonya

    Married is married!!! How u start a relationship is how it will end! Get ur own single man! How do u think his wife feels? Ur feelings don’t matter! U put urself in this situation! U had no business going out with another woman’s husband! A man will only do what u allow him to do! If enough women say no to these dogs, they won’t stray! Honey, move on! That is not a friendship! If he doesn’t want to part with the assets, he’ll do u the same way! If I was him, I would do it too! Send his a** back home to his wife! Ask God for forgive u and repent!

  • Tm30

    Okay, first off don’t allow yourself to catch feelings until you see the divorce papers. Now you have wasted 3 years on a married man. Look at Kelsey Grammer, he wanted a divorce and he got one. He didn’t care if there millions at stake. The point is if a man wants a divorce, he will get one and nothing will stop him. Let this man go back to his family. If you don’t he will still be feeding those lies to you 10 years later. Plus when a man divorces his wife, sometimes he may not want to commit to his mistress, so don’t be surprised if he gets the divorce and disappears. I wonder what lies he has been telling his wife. And if the wife knows about this apartment. Women wake up and leave these supposedly separated men alone. Tell them to check you out once the ink dries. This will elevate a lot of heartache.

    • Tm30


  • Sue

    Two words hon, Side Piece! That’s what you always were. The minute you started complaining for more time, you got kicked to the curb. See there’s plenty more females like you who won’t complain! Here’s a thought… maybe he’s not spending time with his daughter, maybe he’s got a new side piece!






  • Sue

    Married men are magical!

    Ladies, the next time some married man steps to you with any kind of line, how bout’ you request to see the
    “signed” divorce papers and see how fast they perform a disappearing act!

  • chrissy

    good luck to her

  • Keepin it Real

    Another dumb broad wasting her energy on another woman’s man. When will you chicks ever learn. Always in search of the adventurous relationship-type when all your left with in the end is heartbreak and tears. Grow chick your 34 now and have wasted 4 years on fantasy d*&k!!!


  • Please Stop

    He’s never getting a divorce…he never was, his apartment is just a spot he can have to cheat. Hotels are risky…he couldn’t string you along for 4 years if you were going to hotels.

  • JustAshley

    Sorry, Boo Boo but your just a rebound. He’s using you as a safety net just in case his wife tosses him back to the fishes. SMH

  • what

    If his wife were truly that bad he would have gladly signed the divorce papers and dealt with the circumstances. More than likely he is a dirty slithering mofo who feels you are not worth giving up everything for, but was fine with you when you were the undemanding new booty. Now 4 years and with your whining about wanting more, your starting to look stale to him also. I agree with previous poster. Either he’s back with the wife or on to the next new fresh booty who is willng to be the silent un-demanding side peice.

    I can feel a little empathy for you because at least you are saying you felt the man was already separated, and didn’t willingly become a factor in the homewrecking equation, But….
    If you know the man is married, meaning not divorced, there is “no” excuse for getting caught up.

    Keep it moving boo boo.

  • Tie

    I’m sorry to say, but you have been deceived. If a man truly wants to leave his wife for someone, he would make excuses as to why he hasn’t divorced yet. Him being married should have been a red flag for you to run the opposite way.

  • Tie

    I’m sorry to say, but you have been deceived. If a man truly wants to leave his wife for someone, he wouldn’t make excuses as to why he hasn’t divorced yet. Him being married should have been a red flag for you to run the opposite way.

  • http://google smh

    If a married man keeps your hanging in for four years you are a jumpoff, and no matter what he tells you the truth is that he has no intentions of leaving his wife. If you enjoy wasting precious years of your life on him, and getting played then carry on. If you got any type of pride left then tell him you want to find a real man of your own and GOODBYE! Because LOVE is what’s keeping his sorry arse married to her instead of taking legal action to be with you, and would you be secure being with him knowing he’s a cheater? Never ever think it won’t happen to you.

  • ThickLikeCornbread

    You will not be able to let go until you get a final answer from him. But, HUMANS luv to have their cake & eat it too….so he may try to prolong u being the Jump-Off for another 3yrs.

    U should have NEVER let this go past 1yr. Some will say u shouldnt have slept with him until the ink was dry on the papers, but now thts too late

    Here’s Whts Happening: He is going to his dtr’s soccer games. Him & wifey are chatting it up & he misses his family. He is feeling out the wife to see if she has changed & if the marriage can be saved.

    Ur RED FLAG was him missing for 1wk after he returned home. You should go to a game & see how they arrive (in the same car?) & interact- – tht might give u closure.

    In this dating game, I learned REAL QUIK do NOT date a separated or newly divorced man…. they have not healed from the previous r-ship & will use u for “fun” (basically a rebound) all while hoping to get back with wifey or enjoying the single life tooooo much (wh0.ring).

    Sorry you ended up in this mess

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