Good day to you, sis! Happy Friday and thank you for writing in and sharing your story! Wow! You said you don’t know where to start so how ’bout you stop! This is a situation where your heart led when your head should have been the first thing to follow. The first thing you should know is that a virtual outsider or “the other woman” will always be the one to suffer in these kind of circumstances. Unfortunately, for you, you will have to find a way to part ways from this man and regain your thoughts and emotions and move on from this. It sounds like you two entered each other’s lives at time when you were both seeking companionship and you both fulfilled the role but emotions got in the way and things got deeper than you expected. Now, four years later, you’re mourning the loss of a relationship that may not have been promising to begin with.
So, you ask, how do I let go? And the answer is simple, you step away and you let go. You said that he was blaming his wife and the assets they share for the divorce being stalled, however, it should never take that long to come to a mutual agreement and part ways on paper. After four years, in any type of relationship, there should be a concrete understanding of what each of you need and, after that, you should both be working to fulfill said needs. You didn’t go into detail about the dialogue you had in terms of his finalizing the divorce but if it was something that you expressed your concerns about it should have been addressed in way that you would’ve been able to make a sound decision to continue or move on. If you decided to stay with the man knowing full well he was married and had no intention to split immediately, then you can’t be mad at the outcome because you put his needs and wants before your own – which is never the best thing to do. Another thing to keep in mind is this: as long as this man is still married, his wife and family are getting and will continue to get the best of what he has to offer, respectfully so. And, as long as he’s still married, you will never be his first priority. No doubt, it sounds cruel or harsh but it’s real.
Sis, you have to take this as a lesson learned. Never date a married man until the divorce is final! Even after that, consider whether or not he’s taken the time and space necessary to develop a solid, healthy relationship. At this point, sis, you should take some time to heal and love yourself enough to move on and know you deserve a man who can avail himself to you as you can to him. Think of all the love you have to give as an investment of your time and energy – and if you’re not seeing enough return to be satisfied in your choice, withdraw! Time is precious, it waits for no one and you can’t get it back so invest it wisely! Get back into you and do all the therapeutic things necessary to bring you out of your heartache and back to a space where you’re willing to give and receive the love that you’re searching for. As for the man you’re aching over, make a solid decision to keep it movin’ and don’t look back! Appreciate him for the friend he was when you needed one and learn from the experience of loving a man who wasn’t able to love you back. Be strong and move on, sis! Be strong!
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