Dear Bossip: Pregnant By A Married Man … Should His Wife Know?

- By Bossip Staff

To set the record straight, the information contained in this memo are not my issues; they are of my best friend, whom I have known for years; she is young, beautiful, hilarious, compassionate, fun to be around, business savvy, a bonafide hustler (she got her own) and the list goes on.

A few months ago she meet a guy that she instantly hit it off with, extremely excited about her new relationship and felt she met her match. Initially, to her he was adventurous, had a job, a house, a car and claimed to be as SINGLE she was. She stated that he did disclose to her that he had two children from a previous marriage but, he was divorced for a couple of years. To her he seemed very open to answer or correct any and all questions or concerns she expressed early on in the relationship; and in the beginning he was willing to put all of her anxieties at ease for example; she was invited to his residence, they would talk for hours on the phone, they woke each other up and would often times be the last individuals to say goodnight to each other. She blindly and madly began to fall for him, and ultimately began to engage in unprotected sex with him.

Quickly this tight bond that I once supported began to quickly soften and their relationship became an association I no longer considered healthy for her. It all began when she called me really late one Friday night crying and really shook up I made an effort to console her. She told me they had just came home from a night out on the town and was preparing to finish the date off with happy endings. She showered then he showered and while he was in the shower his phone started ringing off the hook. Of course she looked at it and saw the caller ID said HOME and a female’s name appeared across the screen. When her man got out the shower she informed him that his phone was jumping and she asked him if he was involved in a relationship or married; he did not respond to her answer, said that it was complicated and promptly left her house.

He insisted that they needed to meet because he had not been completely honest with her. She agreed to meet him (which I begged her not to do) and he explained that he was married but separated and had been separated for a while now. His thing was he was frightened to enforced the finalization of the divorce because he was avoiding a potentially bitter and possibly financially depressing annulment.

Fast forward a few months and she’s pregnant. When she broke the news to me I was excited that she was excited and thought that all of the better would work out for them after all they did seem very happy and in sync when I did see them together. Soon after she informed him of the pregnancy almost instantly the phone conversations significantly decreased, it became harder to get in touch with him and finding time to get together was nearly impossible. As of today she is about 3 months pregnant and has not spoken to her knight in shining armor in about a month and a half. After several attempts to get in touch with him she has been unsuccessful.

Well, in my line of work, I have access to certain information and I’m not above a little facebook research, that’s not her style but shoot something doesn’t seem right. For starters his “HOME” belongs him and his wife and has always belonged to the both of them, he has been married before and he and his present wife have never filed for a divorce, the civil records search was nationwide.

Perplexed, saddened and disappointed I had to inform my friend correct information and documentation provided to me on her beau. She was deeply distraught by the facts and asked me the hardest questions she has ever asked me before, which was…….”What should I do? Do I keep the baby? If I cannot get in touch with him do I confront the wife? Should I be a single mother and move on with my life, or should I abort the baby?” Because as she said, “I did not sign up for this.”

As a friend I did not want to add any insults to injury and I damn sure did not want to give her any answers when I did not take all facts and thoughts into consideration; which is why I am reaching out to you for insight. What advice would you give my friend? What advise should I give her or should I give her any of my input at all? Please help me I am at a loss for words however, since I am one of the few people that she does share her private information with I don’t want my opinion to be bias so, I am reaching out to a 3rd party source. What should she do? What would you do? What is the normal reaction or outcome of women who have encountered similar situations?

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Comments

  • The Lurker

    If she aborted the undeveloped fetus, this entire situation would be over with. If you keep it I doubt he tries to be a part it’s life..No matter what U decide tell his wife and keep ur legs closed h0

  • your now a sad statistic! a common baby mama kinda hoe.

    What is wrong with these hoes???? You can only tell it once ok….now go be miserable. Around about month 5 your dumb azz will understand your azz is a joke at best! When you and yours endup in the PJS stfu ok!

  • LoveFaithHope1201

    My daughter was concieved under the same circumstances two years ago. i cannot claim ignorance to the fact that my daughters father ws married but i will say that he represented his story to me that his marriage was over and merely a band and paper. i was stupid enough to believe it and even dumber to have been having unprotected sex. i regret the circumstances in which my child was concieved but i talked to the wife. she humiliated me, called me everything but a child off god and i took it because those were the consequences of my actions.

    when my daughter was born 17 months ago, her father wasnt there and hasnt been there to this day but surprisingly, his now ex wife has. she is allowing my baby a relationship with her brothers and has become one of my true friends.

    there are no easy choices in these situations but for me an abortion is cowardly.

  • DillardsDummy

    I too found myself in this situation. I rebelled at all cost in the beginning to no avail. Baby girl this man is so not worth the agony and time she’ll put into worrying about this. Just press forward with a positive outlook on your future and God willHandle the rest. As far as all the negative feedback you recieve from this article, just take it as a grain of salt because no one has to live your life or knows you better than you. Best Wishes!!!

  • gina

    Stfu….your still doing that same old oppressive stuff she can blog about anything she wants your azz still shady! You ain’t in charge! And your the biggest gossip on the planet ….dumb azz its a made up story. Are you a communist oppressive hiding your own dirty rag bully! Its not the end of the world and who knows God may have put the person in her that has the answer to a serious medical cure! Don’t mess with our babies! Dude ain’t played nothing but himself. Grsteful children grow up and have been know to put their “mothers” in the lap of luxury.

  • niq

    Its amazing how people refer to this lady as a hoe etc but the man is the one who was lying from the beginnig. It socks me how people qiuck to fault the woman. Smh

  • team nymphis

    niq

    I feel you but she was lyin too. First she lyin to herself cuz she knew that,”it’s only a band and a piece of paper” was straight b.s.women hear & see what they choose to.as smart as she was supposed to be she knew it was game but she saw somethin she wanted and everything else could be molded to fit the script she was writin in her head.

  • What a mess

    @niq I cosign 100%.

    @nymphis We appreciate your honesty because some folks will sell you a dream in heartbeat.

  • Wtf where they do that at?

    First of all how old is this girl/woman? She suppse to have so much going for herself nd b so smart but she was so not smart to open her legs up so quick unprotected to a guy she’s known only a few months. That’s not smart… For all she knows she may not b the first or only sideline hoe he has… Obviously she was a cheap thrill… Her story is the same as other woman who allowed themselves to b cheap thrills, sad but tru… Women need to value themselves more nd stop opening their legs so darn fast smh. Opening ur legs is not the answer… This just in MEN CAN TELL IF U R EZ. THEY ALSO LIKE A CHALLENGE. SO HOLDING OUT FOR A LONG TIME FROM THEM MENS U HAVE A HIGHER CHANCE AT RUNNING THE LUNATICS OFF =) {it really works}

  • rizzy100

    Women need to realize that we have more to loose. That cooch is not gold, he can do this 200 more times and you’ll be the one crying that ur kid has no father or end up begging the courts to make him support u and the other jawns he cant take care of…it all comes back to bite u in the aspirin. Protect urself!

  • Kris

    First, aborting a baby at 3 months is disgusting. Second, she ABSOLUTELY signed up for this. As soon as she spread her legs. The BABY didn’t sign up for this bulls**t, but she sure did.
    She either needs to be a grown woman and accept her responsibilities as a woman, or give the baby up for adoption. If she decides to keep the baby, she needs to put his name on the birth certificate and file for child support, have his wages varnished, etc. She doesn’t need to tell his wife, she will find out on her own when 40% of his check is gone.

  • Lisa

    Lmao @ Kris ur comment is so true nd funny 40% of his check gone

  • Mz Mula

    And this is just one of the reasons why the world is coming to an end like any type of adultery is not a sin humans need to get their stuff together and realize what’s right and what’s wrong. Not to say men and women don’t lie about their marital status but as soon as the side piece find out the relationship needs to end because its a sin on both parts. If you don’t want to be married get a divorce that simple. I was dating a man and his cousin slipped and told me he was married I ended the relationship right then I had deep feelings for him but it didn’t sit right with my soul and when it comes between my head, my heart, and my soul I will choose my soul because I want my spirit to be right with God and that is the only thing that matters.

  • Sooperman

    Yeah. She signed up for it by having unprotected sex… And why didnt you do your research before they got so heavily involved? Wouldnt that have made more sense? She should have the baby and let those child support papers find him, he cant avoid those.

  • TheSoundMind

    SHe falls in the dumb azz bytches category. Don’t bring another fatherless child in this world to suffer for the mom’s dumb choices.

  • listen

    The only dumb thing about this is seeking advice on a gossip site. Come on, this scenario is too common. I’m pretty sure this person has friends and probably even family members that has been in this sitution. Let’s get real people it’s 2011, she know what time it is.

  • Hmm...

    If I made it, I’m having it. Abortion is not a quick resolve seeing that she will have emotional issues regardless. If she thinks an abortion will save her humility, then she has another thing coming. I am pro choice, but I think women shouldn’t abort kids based off of erratic feelings for the child’s father. As far as her confronting the wife, seriously confront? She has no grounds to do so. She could try to inform her of her husband’s dirty ways. I would probably wait until after I have my baby to minimize drama during my pregnancy. If she decides to terminate the pregnancy, no need for contacting wifey at all.

  • the1stmrs.russell.lmao.

    So u got one more kid by my husband. Pls contact me so I can tell u about the chick last yr or the one before that. I would love to meet you so you can cry and tell me how he lied to you. So f#^ing what. I don’t care. I’m the one who has to pay to get rid of him. Run da#nmit. Or Pls. Pls get your head game together and finally be the one he leaves for cuz he’s on my last good nerve. But know he will always call me to try to get it in. And once in a while ill let him just cuz you did.

  • mimi

    Wow. She should of stop the relationship when he told her he was separated. U told her not to see him but she did anyway I guess that’s what you wanna tell her “I told u so” she shouldn’t agrer to see him. And now its too late for an abortion she should just let the wife know and tell her that she doesn’t want anything from him but to be in da child life if she is a woman she should understand but prepare for her to be angry and blame your friend.

  • Keshay

    In this day and age we need to research everyone we date. Men and women lie about their status. Now judging her and calling her names is wrong! Cause we all have dirty laundry! But next time protect yourself cause you are the one who have to raise this child!

  • 4Ward

    I say have your child life is short….as for the guy being involved that’s what child support is for..he can be a non f#%& factor!!

  • Sickandtired

    Wow, i was almost in the man’s position in this story. The child was lost before its due date so it kind of solved a lifetime of issues for all parties involved. I was saddened at the loss, but mostly by the pain it put the woman through. More to my point though; As the married but separated man, i cant understand how the “wife” has an issue with the man who has ( after over a year of seperation) has moved on. How does she get to care only when another woman comes into the picture?! How is he able to co-habitate and do all the things that makes Another woman fall deep in love with him. That takes time that a “married man” does not have. The “just a piece of paper” thing is also true. After dededucing the marriage to the point where u are living totaly different lives, barely communicating, and dating other people, what else is left?! And divorce is always on the horizon but it is costly as hell for a man!!! It takes time to jump off a bridge if you know what i mean!! Nobody just runs to the top and jumps off! You think about, prepare yourself, change your mind state, make your approach, look over the edge, think about some more, think about the people its going to hurt, decide there is no turning back and then you jump. In marriage/divorce terms, who said he cant meet someone and enjoy his life up until his divorce and beyond.
    Also, you cant talk a woman into dealing with a married woman. For him to lie about his situation is shady, but he also has to deal with the fact that his situation is a instant block for any woman he may want to deal with. For the record i never lied about this. Everything was love with us up until pregnancy came in. I was totally against it and she wasnted to keep it. I felt it was the wrong thing to do considering the newness and complexity of our situation. Plus i didnt want to start another childs life the wrong way. All in all i did love the “new” woman. We faught hard about this subject and i sometimes felt like i wanted run or even kill myself. But we ended losing the child and now she hates me bcuz ” i got what i wanted” and now can ” go back to my life”. There are a lot more complexities to my story but i am not going to type all that. I just wanted to put that perspective out there.

  • DanaDane

    Totally like and appreciate hearing a man’s view on this situation. @sickandtired WOWww at your story.

  • 0704'11

    WOW.! All ii CaN sAyY… sHheE sHhoULD kEeP TtHheE bAbYy EhHtTzZ nOtT TtHhEe BaBiiEeS FaULtT TtHheE mOtThHeR wAs SuChH a BiiMbO aNd TtHhEe FaTtHhEeR WaS sUcHh A dOuChH bAg.

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