Kevin Hart’s new stand-up comedy show is hitting theaters on September 9th and it’s promising to be hilarious. But how do you think it will rank with the 10 funniest stand-up specials ever? Take a look and find out.
Eddie Murphy – Raw
Hilarious Quote: “I’m sadistic. I go to the supermarkets to watch mothers lose it and beat the **** out of their kids.”
Eddie Murphy – Delirious
Hilarious Quote: Bear and a rabbit were taking a ISHT in the woods. And the bear turns to the rabbit and says, “Excuse me, do you have problems with ISHT sticking to your fur?” And the rabbit says, “No.” So the bear wiped his a$$ with the rabbit.
Richard Pryor – Live At The Sunset Strip
Hilarious Quote – “When that fire hit your a$$, it will sober your a$$ up *quick*! I saw something, I went, “Well, that’s a pretty blue. You know what? That looks like *fire*!” Fire is inspirational. They should use it in the Olympics, because I ran the 100 in 4.3.”
Dave Chappelle – Killin’ Them Softly
Hilarious Quote – “Hey, I gotta make a stop real quick.” At 3 o’clock in the morning, and I didn’t know he was taking me to the ghetto at first. I started looking out the window, see gun store, gun store, liquor store, gun store, where the fawk you taking me? This don’t look good. He didn’t say isht. He just pulled up in front of an old rickety building that looked like a project. I’ve never been there before, I’m not sure if it was a project, it certainly had all the familiar symptoms of a project. A fawking crackhead ran this way, tktktktktktk! Then another one jumped out of a tree and isht, tktktk! The guy said, “I’ll be right back,” and left me. Took the keys with him and just left me. At 3 o’clock in the morning, in front of a project, in a fawking limousine. This was not good. I was like, “I gotta look around, find some landmarks, see if I can figure out where I’m at. I might have to escape on foot.” Now this is when I know I’m in a bad neighborhood, you only see this in the worst neighborhoods. Remember, this was 3 o’clock in the morning. I looked out the window, and there was a fawking baby standing on the corner. And the baby didn’t even look scared, he was just standing there. And it made me sad you know, because I wanted to help the baby. I was like, “Mm mm I don’t trust you either, click! clllick! The old baby-on-the-corner trick, eh? Not gonna fall for that sh*t.
Chris Rock – Bigger And Blacker
Hilarious Quote – “You don’t need no gun control. You know what you need? We need some bullet control. Man, we need to control the bullets, that’s right. I think all bullets should cost $5000. $5000 for a bullet. You know why? ‘Cause if a bullet costs $5000, there’d be no more innocent bystanders. … Every time someone gets shot, people will be like, “Damn, he must have did something. He put $50,000 worth of bullets in his a$$!” N***s will say “I would blow your fawking head off–if I could afford it! I’m gonna get me another job, I’m gonna start saving some money, and then you’re dead man!. You better hope I can’t get no bullets on layaway!”
Kevin Hart – Seriously Funny
Hilarious Quote – “Let Me Tell You Something Sucka, Listen Jack You Ain’t Nothing But A Piece A Cheese With Out The Corners…. In Other Words You Ain’t Never Going To Be A Slice! ITCHBAY!”
Jamie Foxx – I Might Need Security
Hilarious Quote – HALLOWILLAWANGHALLOWILLAWANGHALLOWILLAWANGWILLAWANGWANG!!!!
The Original Kings Of Comedy
Hilarious Quote – “I came home at one o’ clock in the morning. The two-year-old send the f-WORD downstairs for some milk and cookies! I’m comin’ upstairs, he walkin’ downstairs. He gon’ walk past me like I’m a visitor, you know… [imitates his nephew’s blank stare]. I said, “where you goin?” [as his nephew, in a stereotypically gay voice] “To get some milk an’ cooookies!” He said it so funny, I wanted to hear him say it again! I said, “some what?” [as his nephew] “Some milk an’ cooooooookies!!'”.
Katt Williams – Pimp Chronicles
Hilarious Quote – “You fawked up my self esteem… ITCHBAY it’s called SELF ESTEEM! It’s the esteem of ya Mutha Fawking Self ITCHBAY… How did I fawk up how YOU feel about YOU ? …Simple ITCHBAY!”
Bill Cosby – Himself
Hilarious Quote – “A person with no children says, “Well I just love children,” and you say “Why?” and they say, “Because a child is so truthful, that’s what I love about ’em – they tell the truth.” That’s a lie, I’ve got five of ’em. The only time they tell the truth is if they’re having pain.”