Nobody wants to get embarrassed. But we all want to see people get embarrassed. It’s a beautiful conundrum. These celebrities were woefully overmatched but they at least tried to compete. Good for them!
Well, they still got whooped in one-on-one competition and it wasn’t even close. Yup…that’s pretty embarrassing. Join us in laughing at these people. Feel free to point, too.
Ja-Rule vs. 50 Cent – This was horrible. Fiddy pretty much ended Ja’s career with diss song after diss song. Next thing you know, Ja’s career was damn near over. Now Ja is in jail and 50 is rolling around in old White women and millions. Ja never stood a chance.
Jay-Z vs. Prodigy – This was another embarrassment. We like Prodigy, but when Jay-Z put a picture of him in a Michael Jackson costume on the Summer Jam stage, it was over for this feud. Prodigy never stood a chance. We’d be blaming the Illuminati too, if this happened to us.
Kanye West vs. 50 Cent – Poetic Justice. 50 Cent said he’d retire if he didn’t sell as many records as Kanye when their albums dropped on September 11, 2007. Well, Kanye’s Graduation blew Fiddy out of the water and Hip-Hop won. Of course, we still have to listen to Curtis’ music because he backed down from his promise. Drats.
Eminem vs. Vanilla Ice – Em was going around dissing every other white kid when he came out. But nobody got it worse than Mr. Ice, Ice, Baby. Vanilla tried to fire back but it only made us laugh at him even more. Poor lil Ice Ice.
Lakers vs. Celtics, Game 6, 2008 – Remember how this was supposed to be a good rivalry? Well, in this elimination game, the Celts won by 40 freaking points! And you expect us to compare Kobe to Jordan? Eff outta here with that mess.
Jay-Z vs. MC Hammer – All Jay said was that he has more money than Hammer and he won’t blow $30 milli like Hammer did. And Mr. Can’t Touch This released some really awkward video calling Jay-Z some sort of devil worshipper or something. Jay didn’t have to say another word and Hammer murked himself.
Angelina Jolie vs. Jennifer Anniston – Brad left Jennifer for Angelina and not a single person felt bad for Jennifer. That’s because Angelina is way hotter than Jennifer could ever wish to be. Plus she wasn’t afraid to pop out little Pitts. Jen got bodied in every statistical category.
Dream Team vs. The World – In 1992, the Dream Team killed every team it played against. They averaged 50 points a win. This was like when Alexander The Great went stomping around the world conquering every place he went.
Jamie Foxx vs. Terrance Howard – Terrance Howard dissed Jamie’s music. And Jamie went on a radio tirade for the ages. He did his Terrance impersonation, making it hard for us to take Terrance seriously from now on. Foxx went in and it was pretty freaking hilarious.
Eminem vs. Nick Cannon – Nick Cannon can’t hold a torch to Eminem. But he damn sure tried once Marshall started throwing shots at Nick’s boo boo. We understand defending your woman’s honor. But just sneak up on Em and kick him in the gonads or something. But don’t rap against him! Especially if you’re Nick Cannon. Em totally murked buddy on every track. Throw in the towel, kid.
Charlemagne vs. Lil Mama – Dude has no shame. He straight clowned Jar Jar’s little sister until she started crying! She didn’t even really have a comeback. Poor baby. Charlamagne is just a meanie head.