Stop the presses! Kimmy Cakes’ marriage is already over! Anybody else smell a publicity stunt? Well, she’s not the only one.
See, this is something rich people do. They get married just for publicity and to kill rumors. It’s a pretty shameful way to attention slore. Isn’t marriage supposed to be a covenant with God or something? Sigh.
Kimmy Cakes and Kris Humphries – 72 days. That’s how long their marriage lasted. The ink from her marriage license hasn’t even dried yet! Oh well, she caked in $17 million on the wedding so she doesn’t have any regrets. Plus there was the rumors of her shopping for husbands? That’s just shameful.
Will and Jada – There had been rumors for years that Jada was just Will’s beard and depending on who you ask, you never know. But the whole divorce rumor to stir up publicity only adds fuel to the fire. They get the extra side-eye now.
John Legend and Christine Teigen – Speaking of beard. She’s his beard, mustache, goatee and can of beer. Just look at this picture! He looks like he’s never kissed a woman before in his life.
50 Cent and Chelsea Handler – This was the most obnoxious faux-relationship in rap history. They immediately took their stupidity to Twitter and made themselves look foolish. But when it comes to 50, there’s not much he won’t do for attention.
Michael Jackson and Lisa Marie – Their marriage lasted about as long as Kris and Kimmy’s. And noooobody bought it. We just all figured it was the next step to his collection of Elvis memorabilia. That’s all it was, right?
Tila Tequila and Casey Johnson – The attention sloriest of attention slores, Tila Tequila was going around with her new chick boo. But even Casey Johnson herself said it was just a publicity stunt after it was over. The truth always comes out, kids.
Lindsay Blowhan and Sam Ronson – Speaking of chicks getting the side-eye with their publicity stunts. Lindsay dated this woman for a few months, but nobody believed it for a second. She was so high, she probably thought it was a dude the whole time, anyway.
Ne-Yo and Monyetta Shaw – Yeah. No comment on Ne-Yo.
George Clooney and Elisabetta Canalis – George Clooney just keeps girls around to make him look like a suave bachelor. We’re on to you George. Canalis was the latest and she definitely aired him out for it, too.
Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes – Tom was having open auditions for who would be his new wife. And clearly Katie won. But in life, she totally lost. She was just around to help him get a movie role. Oh well.