Tiger Woods' Former Mistress Announces Pregnancy

We hope it’s not Tiger’s!

Rachel Uchitel, the woman who helped send Tiger Woods into that tree during Thanksgiving week 2009 (and eventually over an emotional, marital and professional cliff) is pregnant — and sharing her baby-bump joy via Twitter.

Uchitel and new husband Matt Hahn posted pictures on her Twitter account late Tuesday, with the captions “Expecting big things for 2012… Five down, Four months to go…” and, with the photo above, “@MattyHahn checking out my baby bump at 5 months.”

Uchitel, 36, and Hahn, 26, got married quietly in October, a month that if we count backward is, well, less than five months ago. Hmm.

Well, never mind the math, unless you want to add up some dollars. The “Celebrity Rehab 4” alum has reportedly registered for some pricey baby gifts, including cashmere bedding and a $1,000 stroller. Though the couple did not reveal the baby’s sex, the nature of the registry reveals Uchitel has a girly bun in the oven, according to the Daily Mail.

The former nightclub executive (Uchitel said she’s never been a mere manager or a hostess), is currently studying for her private investigator’s license, and working on cases while she’s in school. “I do that three to four days a week and I love it,” she told Celebrity Cafe. “It’s so much fun! It gives me a purpose, you know.

“It gives me something to wake up and do every day and be really happy about.”

Come April, she should have a little lady to be happy about as well.

Looks like this ho is becoming a housewife. Damn, Tiger. Even your jumpoffs are settling down while you’re trying to get your life together. Doesn’t seem fair, does it?

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