Oh You Modelin’ Hump? BK Nets Baller Kris “The Dumped” Humphries All Up In NYTimes Mag Stuntin’ Wit His Suspect Steez

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Kris Humphries NYTimes

Kimmy Cakes might not want him, but these other hoes are bout to get to’ down, fa sho! Saturday the NYTimes Magazine released a puff piece that seems dedicated to making Kardashian’s soon to be ex-hubby Kris Humphries more likeable. The tagline they ran it with was, “One year after he was dumped by Kim Kardashian and ridiculed on and off the court, Nets forward Kris Humphries is on the rebound, looking for a taste of the action in Brooklyn.” We found it pretty amusing.

Check out an excerpt below:

The sun is shining through the windows of Peter Luger in Williamsburg, the legendary steakhouse that’s been slinging high-end beef since 1887, generations before hipsters flooded the borough with their fixed-gear bikes and artisanal pickles. Now Brooklyn, long a haven for freaks and free spirits, is attracting supersized professional basketball players.

Nets power forward Kris Humphries is one of the new big ballers in town. Slipping on a pair of thick Barton Perreira frames, he heads to the restaurant’s main dining room for his Page Six Magazine photo shoot.

Upon seeing his model costars-a sexy blonde and an exotic brunette-a mischievous grin spreads across his face. “Why did you only get me two? You should have gotten me ten,” he laughs.

After a year tarnished by a quickie 72-day marriage to ample-bottomed celebutard Kim Kardashian, an awkward appearance on her family’s E! reality franchise and the dubious honor of being voted the NBA’s most disliked player, Humphries is ready to hit the reset button.

“Some people just make bad decisions and you just know it’s not what’s meant to be,” he says with an easy charm. “The decisions that you make, you obviously made for a reason. Everything in life for me has just been moving forward.”

The Nets, formerly located in New Jersey, are opening a new state-of-the-art arena-Barclays Center-in the ‘hood, hoping for a fresh infusion of fans and maybe a bit of Brooklyn cool to rub off on their feeble image. It’s the perfect home for Humphries to rebound.

Luckily, that’s his specialty. The 6-foot-9 power forward closed last season as one of the best rebounders in the NBA, with 681 grabs off the boards. And he’s clearly skilled at shaking off ridicule. “Hey, if you can’t laugh at yourself, you can’t make fun of other people,” he says. “I’m open to being made fun of. You can’t take life too seriously or be too sensitive because it’s like, who wants to live like that?”

LOL @ “Humphries is one of the new big ballers in town”! But really though, this guy has the right attitude about life — you move forward and you learn to laugh stuff off.

Keep reading to see how well he’s been doing that.

Kris Humphries Wedding photo with Kim Kardashian

Today his life is on an upswing. The 27-year-old has signed a two-year, $24 million dollar deal with the Nets, a team newly revived by its part-owner Jay-Z.

“I say hi when I see him,” Humphries says of the rapper, his new boss. “It’s been great having him involved, because he is Brooklyn. The organization has done a great job creating the hype.”

Hype is something Humphries knows all too well. His close friend, former Net Jordan Farmar, introduced Humphries to the busty, fame-seeking Kardashian, who he dated for six months before proposing with a 20.5-carat rock at her California mansion.

The pair wed on August 20, 2011, in an Old Hollywood-themed ceremony on a Montecito estate in front of about 440 guests. Another 4.4 million viewers tuned in when E! aired the “Fairytale Wedding” on October 9. Weeks later the pair shacked up at the Gansevoort Hotel on Park Avenue amid rumors they were splitting and she was making holiday plans without him. By Halloween Kim had filed for divorce.

They are now deadlocked in a contentious, mud-slinging battle that makes the presidential election seem tame. Humphries, who’s hoping to prove the marriage was a fraudulent affair orchestrated to boost ratings, is asking for an annulment. Kardashian denies these claims and is reportedly seeking a divorce as speedy as their marriage.

A trial date has yet to be set, but one thing remains clear: There will be no settlement, retreat or surrender for either party. And while Humphries has struggled to maintain a low profile with the ladies (last month a woman by the name of Myla Sinanaj said she was pregnant with his child but later retracted her claim), Kardashian flaunts her six-month-old relationship with rapper Kanye West, who taunted Humphries in his song “Way Too Cold,” saying: “Lucky I ain’t have Jay drop ‘im from the team.”

When the subject turns to his soon-to-be ex-wife, Humphries is mum. His Minneapolis-based attorney, Lee Hutton, tells Page Six Magazine, “This is a private matter between Kris and Kim and the lawyers want to respect that because the legal matters surrounding their separation are still not finalized.”

The basketball player does, however, reflect on some of the darkest days following the split and the events that led him to this point.

Poor thang! He’s had it rough between his “fame-seeking” wife not wanting to admit she used him for ratings, her mean new boo Yeezy making fun of him on wax and his jumpoff tryin’ to be all up in the spotlight… but at least he can say hi to Hov when he sees him.

More on the flip…

Kris Humphries Nets pic

Humphries was born in Minnesota into a household of athletic overachievers. His mother, Debra, rowed in college; his father, William, played football at the University of Minnesota; his sister, Kaela, who just signed with Ford’s plus-size division where Crystal Renn is on the books, swam for the University of Texas.

An elite swimmer himself-second in some national junior meets only to Michael Phelps-Humphries quit at 12 to pursue basketball. “I just didn’t really have the love for [swimming] that I found in basketball,” he says.

During his senior year of high school he was one of 24 players named to the elite McDonald’s All-American team and was offered a scholarship to play at basketball powerhouse Duke University. He accepted the dream offer only to change his mind to stay closer to home.

“My grandpa had just had a triple bypass, and he wasn’t doing great. And I just felt, between that and continuing to work with people who supported me to get to where I was, I stayed at the University of Minnesota.”

In 2004, at age 19, he was drafted by the Utah Jazz. He then spent the next six years bouncing around the league with little playing time.

All of that changed in January 2010, when he landed in New Jersey with the Nets.

That first season, Humphries practiced mixed martial arts to boost his aggressiveness on the boards while also maintaining his cool in the locker room. “He’s not the one to be the center of attention. He knew he had his work cut out for him,” Farmar says.

He scored a career-high 25 points against the Clippers that season and continued to soar the following year. Then he married Kardashian and threw a proverbial airball. In the midst of their acrimonious split 72 days later, he was booed during his first preseason game against the Knicks. Dogged by the public unraveling of his marriage, he was named in a Nielson poll as the most disliked player in the NBA.

“I got to experience the Knicks crowd, and that was, uh, that was pleasant,” he deadpans. “You know, it motivated me.”

Humphries credits former Knicks hero Jeremy Lin for sticking up for him amidst the chorus of boos. “He had some kind words for me after a game. That was cool. He’s been supportive of me, just in terms of the things that I’ve been through,” he says.

If Humphries was hurting, he didn’t let himself become Kardashian roadkill on the hardwood, Farmar says.

“If you know him and his family, they’re tough. They don’t make too many excuses. I think he’s just built like that,” Farmar says. “He’s more of a humble kid than you’d think. But you won’t get that perspective from the E! Channel. We knew the real Kris and didn’t judge.”

Aw he’s built Ford-tough! How sweet of Jeremy Lin to be nice to poor Dumped Hump. BTW, this has to be the most information we’ve ever heard about this guy.

Do you want to know more?

KRis Humphries

After months of splashing his face next to headlines like Husband from Hell, the press moved on to Snooki’s pregnancy cravings and Humphries was granted a reprieve.

Meanwhile, he finished fifth in the league in rebounding and averaged a career-high 13.8 points per game. Suddenly he was a free agent with a higher price tag, nabbing a fat deal when the Nets re-signed him in July.

With the ink on his contract barely dry, Humphries couldn’t resist taking a pop at Kanye with a cheeky tweet, referring back to the rapper’s lyric: “I’m up at Brooklyn! Lucky I didn’t have Jay drop me from the team! lol!”

When asked about the tweet, Humphries’ face seizes like a kid who got caught with his hand in the cookie jar. “I have a sense of humor. It’s whatever, I joke around. It was what it was. Take from it what you will.”

In true comeback form, Humphries will face his old foe, the Knicks, when the season kicks off on November 1.

“It’s going to be unbelievable,” he says. “I think as players we have pressure to win and entertain the fans. The first game, it’s going to be crazy. It’s always been a rivalry, and we’ll see how it’s going to change with us being so close.”

His next order of business is finding a bachelor pad. He’s looking to land in either Manhattan or New Jersey to be close to the team’s Garden State practice facility. Like any regular guy, he’s down for a game of ping-pong at Spin and vegging out watching comedies like Anchorman. But he says he’s eager to explore the hipper side of Brooklyn and is relying on his local friends to take him beyond his usual Manhattan haunts like Cipriani and STK.

His wardrobe will also need an upgrade now that he’s making the big bucks in the Big Apple, which he calls “the fashion mecca.”

“I think about my style as, like, London meets Italy-edgy but, you know, classic at the same time,” he says. “I’ve been working with stylists. You don’t want to be looking like you just came out of a Big & Tall shop, you know.”

He also plans to promote his Minnesota-based charity, the Kris Humphries Foundation, which combats childhood obesity, on his new turf in Brooklyn.

The now-single Humphries says dating is not his priority, but he’s not shutting the door completely. “If things naturally happen, I’ll just roll with it,” he says with a half shrug. “So we’ll see. Time will tell.”

Despite his marital misery during the past year, Humphries hasn’t ruled out getting wed a second time, and he admits he wants children. “I think everyone wants a family of their own one day,” he says without hesitating. “You’re at a point in your life when all of your friends are married and stuff. For me, at least, everyone runs their own race. You can’t put a timetable on it.”

For the final shot of his fashion shoot-now on a rooftop overlooking the Brooklyn Navy Yard-Humphries steps out into the sunset. In a three-piece suit and bow tie, he looks like the muscle of the Rat Pack.

As the breathtaking skyline comes into focus, he pauses.

“Wow, this view is awesome,” he says, his deep baritone voice fading into a whisper.

And it’s clear he’s seeing a newer, better horizon.

*Slow claps* Sorry but you can’t convince us this guy isn’t a complete doofball that Kim K chewed up and spit out.

Source Peter Yang

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