Everyone needs a ratchet division in their iTunes library to achieve balance in life. Without one, you’ll never genuinely be happy or stress-free, ever. Some refuse to indulge in ratchetness, which is cool, but they’ll never flourish like those of us with these ratchet gems on work commute, pre-club and “gym flow” playlists.
Here are the year’s best ratchet anthems. TURN UP.
French Montana Feat. Rick Ross, Lil’ Wayne & Drake “Pop That” –
Chelly-O has twerked to this in the White House before. If your mama heard it, she would twerk too. No twerk anthem other than Waka’s “Round of Applause” & “No Hands” makes women p-pop for their salvation like “Pop That”—one of three songs that activate every woman’s inner-hoodrat.
Future “My Ho 2” –
All the hoodrats stack their Citi Trends heels in the corner and scatter to the dance floor like roaches in light when this drops in clubs. It’s sooooooooo catchy yet sooooooooo surreally-ratchet.
Juicy J Feat. 2 Chainz & Lil’ Wayne “Bandz A Make Her Dance (Remix)” –
Incredibly-ignorant and misogynistic yet gloriously-ratchet and uplifting, “Bandz” is like Maya Angelou’s “Phenomenal Woman” performed by Juicy J, but not really. If anything, he should win a Nobel Prize (or some type of certificate or medal) for encouraging the funding of exotic dancer tuition.
Chief Keef Feat. Lil’ Reese “I Don’t Like (Original)” –
So raw, unwashed and filled with rage, Chief Keef (who always looks like a filthy bath tub ring with dreads) spoke for his entire lost generation over undeniable production on this street single. His debut album “Finally Washed Rich” drops December 18.
2 Chainz Feat. T.I. “Spend It Spennit (Remix)” –
Hearing an entire club chant “IT’S MINES. I SPENNIT” in unison is everything we love about American capitalism. God bless 2 Chainz.
Mykko Montana “Do It” –
Hoodrats cut from glittery Charlotte Russe dress fabrics go INSANE when this drops in clubs or when they’re just dancing in the Rainbow parking lot like true hoodrats. This hook…Top 5 of 2012.
Rocko Feat. Gucci Mane & Plies “Mouf” –
It’s everything a song titled “Mouf” should be. “Mouf” chanted in background during hook? Check. Double, triple, quadruple entendres? Check. Twerkable beat? Check. Plies being Plies? Check.
Yo Gotti Feat. Young Jeezy & T.I. “I Got Dat Sack (Remix)” –
If you listen closely, you can hear Cigarillo packs being opened & fresh weave glue being applied to tracks in the background of this addictive hood anthem. It’s perfectly-ratchet.
Trinidad Jame$ “All Gold Everything” “The Turn Up” –
Sometimes, it seems like Trinidad Jame$ is a social experiment to prove anyone on Earth can be a rapper. And if he is, it’s the greatest social experiment ever.
Tie: Cash Out “Cashin Out” & Gucci Mane Feat. Rocko & T.I. “Plain Jane” –
None of the hoodrats we found selling exotic weaves in the check cashing store parking lot could break this tie. Both are essential, though.
