Dear Bossip: He Doesn’t Want A Relationship, But Says He’s Running Things

- By Bossip Staff

Black Woman Happy

Dear Bossip,

I met this gentleman around August 30th of 2012, and it was on a blind date.

At first when finally meeting him in person by his actions I really felt that he wasn’t attracted to me at all. But, I learned that I was wrong.

We began to communicate on a regular basis and still do to this day. At first he really wouldn’t open up to me at all, but that has since changed as well. While visiting him one night he was telling me about his relationship that he had, and how the young lady messed over him. And, his mother told him that she wasn’t the one for him. Which I totally agreed with his mother due to the young lady was 23 or 24 years old.

After telling me how his heart was broken and he wasn’t ready for a serious relationship, I then told him that I truly understood, and being friends was good for me as well. When it comes to intimacy we go to each other for that. December of last year I opened up to him and let him know my true feelings towards him. He then told me that he still wasn’t ready for a relationship. I respected that, and I made the decision to back off of him. I wouldn’t contact him unless he contacted me and that’s when I would talk to him. The only thing he has told me is that we are special friends. Which I have no idea of what the definition of special friends.

Since then, two weeks ago, I was on a casino party bus with my co-workers travelling to Louisiana. He called me and we were talking, and of course he heard all of the noise in the background. He asked me what was the noise and I told him I was on a casino party bus going to Louisiana. We ended the conversation right after that. That Saturday morning after getting home I texted him letting him know that I did hear him even though there was a lot of noise. He texted me back stating that he was mad. I told him that there was no reason for him to be upset and I ask him why. He was upset because I didn’t say anything to him about me going, and that I was on the bus with male police officers. He then tells me that he was jealous, and was still kind of upset with me.

He then asks me when I was going to come and visit him and I told him on Friday. But, I told him that I would let him know for sure on that Wednesday, and if I do come I would be leaving early on Saturday because I was going to a Zydeco Festival in Crosby, Texas. He then tells me why he didn’t know anything about this Zydeco Festival, and that we’re going to have to talk about this festival when I get there. And, he was going to remind me who was running things when it came to me and him. I told him that I didn’t think he cared, nor had any interest on where I went or the things that I did. I’ve asked him is there something that he needs to tell me. What advice can you give me or give me some type of understanding with this matter? – Is This A Relationship

Dear Ms. Is This A Relationship,

Girl, you made this up, right?!?! You can’t be serious with this little a** boy and his emotions. Chile, if you don’t leave him in whatever backwoods country you found him, and let him run nothing but his mouth and the little critters he’s keeping as pets.

Chile, he’s just mad that you’re not some lonely miserable woman waiting on him, and you’re out getting your life. He’s mad that you’re not chasing him, and that you’re not at home sulking and crying begging him to be with you. Uhm, ain’t nobody got time for that.

You don’t have to report to him and tell him what you’re doing, where you’re going, and who you’re doing it with. He has no authority, right, or claim to dictate to you about what you do, and where you go. He made that -ish up! Don’t you dare give in and tell him what you’re doing, and where you’re going because that little boy is mad and upset that you’re doing things without him, and he doesn’t want to be in a serious relationship with you. Girl, puhlease!  You don’t owe him a damn thing! You don’t have to explain yourself to him. HE IS NOT YOUR MAN!

And, how the hell is he going to tell you who is running things when it comes to you and him, yet, he has made it abundantly clear that he is not interested in a relationship with you? Time and time again he has told you that he didn’t want a relationship, even after you expressed your feelings to him and desires to be with him, yet, he told you that he doesn’t want to be with you. So, therefore, he doesn’t run anything when it comes to your affairs, your business, and your personal life. The hell is wrong with these psychotic men today!

The problem is that many of these men think they can control women, and dictate what you do, and who you do it with. Yet, they don’t want to make you their official woman, or commit to being in a monogamous relationship with you, and they want to run the streets and lay with every woman trying to claim p***y like it’s their property. Uhm, ma’am, your body is your body. You do not give ownership of your body to ANYONE, and definitely not to a man. Your body is your own, and no man can put claim to any parts of it. These MoFo’s got the game F’d up!

But, many of you woman find it cute, and think it’s sexy and attractive when a man controls and dictates your bodies. You like when a man tells you that your punany is his. That no man can have what is his, yet, he has neither committed to you, or will even lay down his life for you. You giggle and smile, acting like a school girl giving yourselves up and over to a man. And why? Because you’re lonely and you want a man to claim you. You want to feel desired and wanted. You’re not a slave. You’re not property to be bought and sold. IT’S YOUR BODY!

So, Boo Boo, you continue to get your life! Enjoy yourself and have a good time. Go to the festivals, and on the casino party bus with your girlfriends and live your life. Why would you sit around waiting on some lonely a** bum a** dude who can’t get his life together, and he is miserably at home sulking and trying to figure out if he wants to be in a relationship. Honey, let him sit and sulk alone. Misery loves company. And, because he’s at home being miserable and unhappy, he wants you to sit at home doing the same thing. He can’t stand the fact that you are enjoying yourself and having fun. He can’t stand the fact that there is the potential you may meet someone and leave his lonely miserable a**. He is jealous and it’s eating him up that you are getting and living your life without him. And, as much, you should! The earth does not move or rotate around his lonely jealous a**! Nor does the sun rise or set because of him. And, neither should you! BOOM! BAM! POW!

He can conveniently call you to come lay up with him, and fulfill his sexual needs. Yet, he can’t conveniently call you and ask you to go out on dates, or to become serious and be his woman. Get the freak out of here with that bull-ish! He is just using you for sexual companionship. Honey, think about it. You travel to go see this man when he wants to see you. But, how many times has he traveled to come see you? Girl, puhlease. He is not worth it. He is not even worth the travel time, money you spend on gas, or the energy you put into opening your legs to him. He’s a poor excuse of a man, and he’s trifling. He’s a lazy f**k, literally and figuratively.

So, with that Ms. Thang, you keep doing you. You keep going out, partying, living it up, and meeting other men. You do not owe him anything, for he made it abundantly clear that he was not interested in a relationship with you. And, you let him know that you are not going to sit around waiting on him to make up his mind and get it together. You are too fly, fancy, and fierce to be waiting on a man. Especially a man who doesn’t make any efforts or attempts in wanting to be with you. Let him know that he is not running anything with you. He better run his damn pockets the next time he wants to see you because you are not going to burn your gas, or spend any more money in going to see him. And, you’re definitely not going to spread your legs for his little d**k and his unsatisfying thrusts. You deserve more. You deserve better. Keep giving it to yourself, and it definitely doesn’t include him. Move on and let misery stay where it is, in those backwoods in that cramped a** house with all those critters running rampant. – Terrance Dean

Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below!

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Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!

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