In honor of Kordell and Porsha Stewart’s inevitable split, we compiled a list of high-profile celebrity “marriages” that we all knew would end unhappily ever after.
Here are the ten most UN-shocking Celebrity Divorces. Take a look.
Kordell and Porsha
The ex-NFL star only likes women when the sun’s up and Porsha is more scholastically challenged than a Ziploc bag of rocks. Completely-incompatible, it’s amazing that Porsha never stabbed Kordell millions of times in his sleep.
Tameka Foster and Usher
Ursh’s mama warned him not to marry that messy, dry-wigged hussy, but he did anyway, and morphed into a glowstick music-making weirdo. Seems like everyone BUT Ursher knew how this Horror movie would end.
Kimmy Cakes and Kris Humphries
Kimmy is A-List community box with her infamous “home movie” only a Google search away. Why Lurch-face Humphries allowed the flashing lights-fiend to manipulate him for publicity, we still don’t know.
Ochostinko and Evelyn
Attention slore athlete marries lava-blooded “Basketball Wife” who fights other grown women on national TV for a living. NOTHING about this Twitter-fueled relationship ever made sense.
J. Lo and Marc Anthony
Jenny Cakes can never keep a living, breathing man so she married the walking dead—“Skeletorio” Anthony. At times, she seemed happy with her Skeletor-faced corpse but their split was inevitable.
Terry McMillan and Jonathan Plummer
The widely-adored author always has words of wisdom for everyone, about everything, but couldn’t detect her clearly gay ex-husband’s uncharted zest levels. You just knew it was only a matter of time before she caught him with Kordell.
Heidi Klum and Seal
Seal is the most visually-unacceptable celebrity, maybe ever, who married (and knocked up) a super model (and started feelin himself). At some point, we knew Heidi would get tired of his stressful facial situation/inflated ego and leave.
Britney Spears and Kevin Federline
Britney was an iconic Pop superstar and Keven Federline was a dancer mostly known for his 13-second appearance in “You Got Served.” Never, at any moment, did this seem like a good idea but Britney insisted on ruining her career.
Michael Jackson and Lisa Marie Presley
MJ’s awkward VMAs lip-lock with the most famous rent-a-wife ever told the story of their blink and you missed it “marriage.” We LOVE MJ, but he needed more people. Waaaaaaay more people.
Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes
Katie famously gushed about having Tom Cruise posters on her wall growing up before marrying him years later. Mostly creepy and dysfunctional, their doomed marriage was 99% about Tom initiating Katie into his Scientology cult.
