In honor of Kordell and Porsha Stewart’s inevitable split, we compiled a list of high-profile celebrity “marriages” that we all knew would end unhappily ever after.
Here are the ten most UN-shocking Celebrity Divorces. Take a look.
Kordell and Porsha
The ex-NFL star only likes women when the sun’s up and Porsha is more scholastically challenged than a Ziploc bag of rocks. Completely-incompatible, it’s amazing that Porsha never stabbed Kordell millions of times in his sleep.
Tameka Foster and Usher
Ursh’s mama warned him not to marry that messy, dry-wigged hussy, but he did anyway, and morphed into a glowstick music-making weirdo. Seems like everyone BUT Ursher knew how this Horror movie would end.
Kimmy Cakes and Kris Humphries
Kimmy is A-List community box with her infamous “home movie” only a Google search away. Why Lurch-face Humphries allowed the flashing lights-fiend to manipulate him for publicity, we still don’t know.
Ochostinko and Evelyn
Attention slore athlete marries lava-blooded “Basketball Wife” who fights other grown women on national TV for a living. NOTHING about this Twitter-fueled relationship ever made sense.
J. Lo and Marc Anthony
Jenny Cakes can never keep a living, breathing man so she married the walking dead—“Skeletorio” Anthony. At times, she seemed happy with her Skeletor-faced corpse but their split was inevitable.
Terry McMillan and Jonathan Plummer
The widely-adored author always has words of wisdom for everyone, about everything, but couldn’t detect her clearly gay ex-husband’s uncharted zest levels. You just knew it was only a matter of time before she caught him with Kordell.
Heidi Klum and Seal
Seal is the most visually-unacceptable celebrity, maybe ever, who married (and knocked up) a super model (and started feelin himself). At some point, we knew Heidi would get tired of his stressful facial situation/inflated ego and leave.
Britney Spears and Kevin Federline
Britney was an iconic Pop superstar and Keven Federline was a dancer mostly known for his 13-second appearance in “You Got Served.” Never, at any moment, did this seem like a good idea but Britney insisted on ruining her career.
Michael Jackson and Lisa Marie Presley
MJ’s awkward VMAs lip-lock with the most famous rent-a-wife ever told the story of their blink and you missed it “marriage.” We LOVE MJ, but he needed more people. Waaaaaaay more people.