Drugs Are Bad M’kay: 10 Things We Learned From “Iyanla Fix My Life”

- By Bossip Staff
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“Spiritual development expert”/witch doctor Iyanla Vanzant recently attempted to “fix” stage 5 crackhead DMX during a 90-minute “therapy session” that was both hilarious and uncomfortable. Without proper training or a licensed therapist present, Iyanla failed to reach the drug-damaged rapper (and may have made things worse).

Here are ten things we learned from “Iyanla Fix My Life” with DMX.

1. DMX loves crack, gray timbs and fertile super-slores more than his own son.

2. Mother Oprah finally realized that trash TV, negativity and exploitation sells. Positivity? Nope.

Photo credit: Instagram

3. DMX and Shawty Lo are the two most condom-allergic rappers alive. Both have 11 kids.

4. Iyanla’s certification to help (and actually treat) broken people/addicts = toilet paper.

5. Black is definitely crack-able. Lil Kim, Vivica Fox and DMX proved this.

6. DMX’s son Xavier is cut from the same delicate jean vest fabrics as Joe Budden, J. Cole and Drake.

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    7. Iyanla is a stone-cold G (who never flinched when X barked at her).

    8. DMX speaks fluent cracklish that only Eddie Kane Jr-level druggies understand.

    9. Everyone on Twitter is a licensed drug addiction expert.

    Photo credit: Instagram

    10. There’s no “fixing” Earl Simmons. He and the crack are now one.

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