Dear Bossip: After 6 Years As Friends We Became Intimate & Now We Hardly Talk & I Miss Him

Dear Bossip,

I’ve been friends with this guy for about 6 years now, and in my 6 years of knowing him, I was always sexually attracted to him.

I never once gave off the idea that I was attracted to him. It wasn’t until this year that we expressed our feelings for one another. I’ve never been the type to be sexually attracted to any of my ‘friends,’ but he was different. We would text all day, and talk all night about our feelings for each other, and what we wanted to do to one another.

The first time we had sex was so magical. It felt like it was my actual first time. But, after the first time, we stopped talking like we used too. Instead of texting me all day to see how my day was going, it turned into texting me about the next time we could have another sexcapade. Now, when I text him talking about us, I always get pushed to the side, or I don’t even get a reply. I think about him all the time. I think about his smell, his touch. I sometimes wonder does he think of me the same way. Is it me? Or was it was all just a game to him? Was I wrong? – Slept With My Friend

Dear Ms. Slept With My Friend,

Girl, let me identify the issue and problem right quick. The problem is that you both shared your sexual attraction to one another. Six years of friendship is gone because you both decided to cross the line of friends and lovers. Never, ever sleep with your friend and you haven’t clearly defined or discussed the dynamics of the situation, or considered the ramifications of the aftermath.

But, you didn’t do that. Instead you started talking about your sexual attraction, your feelings for each other, and what you wanted to do to one another. Uhm, ma’am, I want you to notice the key words of ‘sexual attraction,’ and ‘do to one another,’ in your letter. So, you tell me if based on your conversations, and all that texting if any of those conversations indicated the possibility of being in a loving monogamous personal relationship not purely based on sex, and what you will do to one another. Did you discuss if he was interested in you being his girlfriend? Did you discuss what the both of you were looking for in a partner? Did you discuss what you defined as a relationship, and how to make the relationship work? I’ll wait while you ponder those questions. (Slowly sips tea).

Chile, y’all folks and y’all hungry loins are a mess. LOL! Can’t contain yourselves, and maintain any control. SMDH! This is the very reason why I urge people to not sleep with their friends. Once you become intimate with your friend the dynamics of the relationships changes, and it will never go back to what it once was. It is forever changed, and unfortunately you stand the very chance of losing the friend you once had, i.e, he is no longer your friend. You’ve lost those 6 years after a night of intimacy. Tsk. Tsk.

This is Pandora’s Box, and now you can’t close it. So, here you are sitting up here reminiscing over your sexual encounter, and fantasizing about his smell, and touch. You’re caught up in this fantasy romance of an unrequited love. And, your friend has moved on. He doesn’t text, or call like he used to. He doesn’t reply most of the times, and when he does hit you up it’s because he wants another sexcapade. (I’m going to need for you to get your damn head out of the clouds and let go of this damn Harlequin romance novel).

So, now you’re asking me was it all a game for him. Well, what do you think? And, you want to know if he thinks about you the same way that you think of him. Hmmm, uhm, well let’s see here: You don’t talk like you used to, and instead of texting you to see how your day is going his texts are about the next time you’re hooking up. Welp, based on my deductions and reasoning he is not daydreaming about you. He is not lying in his bed staring at the ceiling and listening to love songs wondering what you’re doing, and if you’re thinking of him. LMBAO! That man just wants sex, and nothing more with you.

If he was interested then the conversations wouldn’t have changed. His texts wouldn’t be inconsistent. He wouldn’t be hitting you up insisting on hooking up. He wouldn’t ignore you, and push you to the side. And, he wouldn’t ignore your texts, or your calls. So, ma’am, you may not want to hear this, but he is not as interested in you as you are in him. He does not want a relationship with you. He does not see you as his girlfriend. He just wants a regular bed partner, and since you want more, and hoping he will be your boyfriend. HE WILL NOT! Point blank period.

Now, you can ask him how he feels about you. You can ask him if he is interested in being in a relationship. You can ask him if he sees you as someone more than just to have sex with. And, you can ask him if he was really honest about his feelings for you. He is the only one who can answer all these burning questions for you. So, call him up, or meet him in person. Ask him to be honest with you, and to tell you the truth. Stop fantasizing and daydreaming! Jeez! But, just know that your relationship has changed forever. He is no longer your friend, and it will never go back to the way it used to be. – Terrance Dean

Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below!

Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean: loveandrelationships@bossip.com

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