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Dear Bossip,

I’m 27-years old and I have a son 2 year old son with a 29-year old man that lives out of state.

He sees our son whenever he can, which is about 7 or 8 times a year. When he does come to visit he buys stuff and takes care of us. But, when he’s not here he does not contribute at all financially. He is unemployed and it’s hard for him to get a job because of past criminal convictions.

He also has 9 other kids that he needs to support. The mothers of his other children are trying to convince me to put him on child support. They are telling me that he gets plenty of money from these other women that basically support him. They feel like he should be using that money to support his children. I want him to step up and take better care of his child financially, and to just be there more in general. But, I know I won’t get any money because he can’t pay the child support and then he’ll wind up in jail and he won’t be here at all for my son, or his other kids.

I know he will be pissed if I put him on child support because he has told me in the past not put him on because he knows he’ll go to jail because he can’t pay it. I don’t want to make him mad or have him end up in jail, but at the same time he needs to do his part and take care of his son. I don’t know what to do so please help me out. – I Don’t Want Him In Jail

Dear Ms. I Don’t Want Him In Jail,



Throws hands in the air and steps away from the computer.

I truly don’t get it. At the time, you were 25-years old (Old enough to know better) dealing with a man who was 27-years old, and this fool had 9 other children. Yet, you still chose to sleep with him, have unprotected sex, and subject yourself to the possibility of getting pregnant by him. Are dudes slinging d**k now instead of working? Is that the new come up?

I swear those of you who live that Against-My-Better-Judgment-I’m-Still-Going-To-Get-Pregnant-By-A-Man-Who-Has-Several-Other-Children-Because-I’m-Different-And-He-Loves-Me-And-Won’t-Treat-Me-Like-His-Other-Baby-Mommas-Life need to please just go out in the pasture and just graze on the curd. This donkey behavior has got to stop, tuhday!

Ma’am, (Knocks on your forehead), ma’am (Pounds on your forehead), ma’am (Slams your forehead), why would you, a grown a** woman, have unprotected sex with a man who has 9 other kids, and he has no job? What is the appeal in sharing community d**k? What is the appeal in wanting to be with a man who has no job, no income, and refuses to work, but will allow other women to take care of him? What type of man will even allow himself to….wait, hold up, what am I thinking. He is not a man. He is a boy. He has that grown boy in a man’s body disease.

And, what’s so unfortunate is that you women will continue to be surrogate mothers to him, allowing him to lay up in your houses, eat your food, not contribute to the household, drive your cars while you’re at work, and let him pump you raw. And, he continues to fill your heads with the same bull-ish that he can’t find a job because no one will hire him because of his felonies, and criminal past. He refuses to accept responsibility for his life, and you women feel sorry for him, and want to be the one who nurtures him back from his own self-destruction so that you can claim that you’re the woman who saved him, helped him, held him down, and you are that real bish. SMDH!

I can’t believe you sat up here and wrote, “I don’t want to make him mad or have him end up in jail.” What the hell!?!?! This is not about him and how he feels! He didn’t think about these consequences while he was running the streets, laying up in women raw, and procreating with all of these women. Ma’am, this is about the children. This is about the welfare, well-being, and financial support of your children. Please put his a** on child support. The hell is wrong with you. You better listen to his other baby mommas and proceed to the courthouse. If they are warning you, then trust and believe they know something. The baby mommas are uniting! LMBAO

He is not thinking about you, or his other children. He doesn’t care about anyone but himself. How the hell he can fly or travel to come see you 7 or 8 times a year, bearing you and your child with gifts, yet, he doesn’t have a job? (Chile, let’s address the fact that you had a child by a man who lives in another state, and has 9 other children. I’m certain, no, I’m clear that he possibly has other children you are not aware of, and definitely in other states. You are not the first, or the last.)

So, please don’t fall for the ole okey doke of, “Don’t put me on child support. I can’t afford it. I don’t have a job. I will do what I can for my child. If you put me on child support, and I don’t have a job, then I will go to jail.” Well, you know what, that’s when you tell him he got two weeks to find a job. You and your child will not be held hostage because of his inability to pay child support. He will figure out what to do. Trust me. His a** will definitely get a job when the option facing him is jail or work.

Get yourself a backbone. Stop trying to appease him. Who cares if he gets pissed. So what if he gets mad. Stop making this about him. For once think about your child. Think about your child’s future. And, please do not procreate with another man who has no job, no income, refuses to work, and refuses to accept responsibility for his actions. Stop dating these grown boys in men’s bodies. – Terrance Dean

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