Dear Bossip: My Boyfriend Has Bad Hygiene And It Has Caused Me Trips To The OB/GYN

Dear Bossip,

I’ve read so many reader letters that I decided to ask a question of my own.

While in college, I dated a guy that I met through a mutual friend. I initially wasn’t interested, but he pursued me and eventually won me over. It wasn’t until we became sexually active that I realized he had disgusting personal hygiene. After going down on me, I noticed that I had a strange odor “down there” and went to go see my OB/GYN. She said I had Bacterial Vaginosis, which is an infection and sometimes could be considered a STD.

I was treated, but every time my boyfriend went down on me, it happened again. I ended up with at least 3 other BV infections. My OB/GYN told me that I had to tell my boyfriend about his dental hygiene and how it was affecting me, but I couldn’t find the words. So, I tried an experiment. I hid his toothbrush to see if he would notice. After at least 2 days, he never mentioned it and never replaced it. I was disgusted. We eventually ended up breaking up for other reasons.

Fast forward to today, we have been back in contact and currently are in a long distance relationship. He came to visit me and his dental hygiene is improved, but still nowhere near what it needs to be. On top of that, he wears clothes with stains on them, coughs with his mouth wide open and doesn’t wash his hands! He explains it as, “I’m a real man.” His family says that he’s been doing questionable things with his hygiene for years. How in the world do I address this topic? – Germaphobe

Dear Ms. Germaphobe,

Ma’am! Why are you in a relationship with a “man” who refuses to take care of his personal hygiene? You will open and spread your legs to a man who is giving you diseases, and infecting your body with his bad breath and unsanitary ways, but won’t say anything to him about it? Does that make any logical sense? I’m thinking there’s something suspect and questionable about you! There is no way in hell I would lay down with someone for a second and third time and they are causing damage and harm to my body. Hell to the naw!

And, no, he is not a “real man,” with his old nasty a**! A real man will wash his a**, brush his teeth, floss, use deodorant, have some decorum, and table manners. A real man doesn’t walk around with stains on his clothes, coughing with his mouth wide open, and not washing his hands. That is just nasty and trifling. How can you sleep with this man? If he is doing all of this, then, I am certain he is not properly washing his behind. And, I can only imagine that he doesn’t wear clean underwear, socks, and, nor does he wash his neck, ears, and underarms.

How can he walk around for two days without brushing his teeth? Who does that? No wonder he has halitosis, and is infecting your vaginal area. And, what I don’t understand is that you ended up with three BV infections due to your boyfriend’s bad breath, and personal hygiene regimen, and you didn’t say anything to him about it? HUH!!!!????!!!! This man is infecting your body, causing damage to your vaginal area, and the only thing you do is try an experiment by hiding his toothbrush? What the hell?

But, hold up! You break up and are now back in a relationship with him, and you still haven’t addressed his hygiene? I swear d**k is a dangerous drug. Women will put their bodies, and lives at risk for some piece of a man. You will jeopardize your health, well-being, and doing more damage to your vaginal area all because you want a man. SMDH!

You have to be honest and tell this man the truth. Stop putting yourself at risk. It’s not worth it. What happens when you keep getting BV infections, and it does some serious damage to your vaginal area, and it prevents you from having children? Then what? What happens when it becomes incurable? Either you respect yourself, your body, and your well-being, or you continue to put yourself at risk.

Is he worth it? Hell naw! It’s obvious he is not going to change. He feels being nasty, trifling, dirty, and not washing as signs of being a real man. He has a warped idea and sensibility of what a real man is. Therefore, I can only imagine how he treats you, and what he thinks of women.

So, today, when you call or have a SKYPE session with him, I want you to be as gentle as you can be, and you explain to him what his personal hygiene has done to you. Share with him what your doctor has told you about his hygiene, and in order to move forward there will need to be some drastic changes in his personal hygiene. Share articles with him from Men’s Health, or other men’s magazines that have articles on how men can take care of themselves healthily and still be a “man.” Let him know it’s okay to be clean, and to practice a daily hygienic routine that not only helps him, but also will help your relationship. Share with him how it makes you feel to have a man who looks sharp, clean, and put together. A man with fresh breath, and a clean after shower smell. I’m sure he wouldn’t want a woman who didn’t take care of herself, or wasn’t about keeping herself clean.

If he doesn’t make the changes, and he is combative, or argumentative about his cleanliness, and hygiene, then perhaps you will need to reconsider your relationship. If he is not willing to take care of himself, and take care of his own personal hygiene, then, he doesn’t think much of you. A man who won’t take care of himself will not be able to take care of you. – Terrance Dean