Why Do Black Women Hate Each Other So Much???

- By Bossip Staff

Posted by Bossip Staff

All you have to do is pop in any thread on Bossip to see the pure an utter loathsome feelings black women hold towards one another, and Essence made an attempt at tackling the subject:

When people learned that we wanted to photograph Iman, Taraji P. Henson and Serena Williams for our April cover, the comments started immediately. “Oh, they’ll never get along” was the refrain most often heard. It was as if the notion that three beautiful and accomplished Black women might come together for a joint cover shoot was just too outrageous to entertain.

Yet the murmurs weren’t totally without precedent. After all, Black women’s relationships with one another have often been fraught with tension. Truth is, we are sometimes our own worst enemy. Wall Street executive Carla A. Harris told us recently she had noticed that in the workplace Black women are sometimes the ones derailing other sisters. Certainly we’ve been guilty of tearing each other down in our personal relationships as well, even fighting over a sorry man who tried to play us against each other. But with all the challenges facing us, it’s more important than ever that we as Black women make a conscious decision to support, love and affirm one another at work, in our communities, in our churches and in our organizations. It’s time for us to wake up to the fact that our problem isn’t between us; it’s with all the forces that teach us to undermine one another instead of pulling together to strengthen us all. Whatever happened to lifting each other as we climb?

Now, I’m not saying we’re all going to get along all the time, but if we can cherish and accept our sisters as we would want to be cherished and accepted, we will go a long way in setting a new tone in our often-fractured relationships. If we can stop the sideways glancing when one of us walks into a room, if we can stop the head-to-toe assessment of others in the club, if we can stop calling people out behind their backs-while smiling in their faces-if we can put an end to all that, we can start to reclaim the spirit of our sisterhood.

Let’s begin by greeting one another with open arms and minds and stop assuming that we’re out to get one another. The next time a sister you don’t know walks into a room, the next time a Black woman you’ve never met starts working at your job, go out of your way to introduce yourself and give her a compliment. You just may make a loyal new friend.

Sisters, can y’all start employing some of the tactics in this article, or y’all just “don’t give a f*ck what that b*tch said” and will continue to act as triflin’ as humanly possible to each other?  SMH


via Essence

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  • Glok9n: The real glok !!!


  • Hurdenuf

    …this is so true on so many levels.

  • Lindsay

    One reason: The BLACK MAN!

  • http://Bossip AKeys_Stan XOXOXO

    The competition is fierce because there very few men out there for us so we feel we need to tear each other down. It also could be learned behavior so many other people do it too us.

    house ***** vs. field ***** is a simple answer. Also all people compare themselves to others and do this, us as black people are just a bit more vocal.

  • Angel

    A black woman does not always recognize her own individualize self worth or value. Therefore, is envy of those who do and are walking in their own destiny.

  • Mizjamez

    Its not even about black women it is about people in general. We need to change our approach to people in life positivity is necessary, not naivety but positive outlooks in regards to how we think!

  • Chelly

    Jealousy @ most times….

  • Uh Oh

    Uh oh…I smell a 500 comment thread coming, SMDH.

  • Lolah

    But what’s the underlying reason for this behavior??? I don’t understand it myself and Im a black woman

  • kelis

    I can honestly say that I give my all in every relationship I have, especially friendships, and I have been betrayed and let down SO MANY TIMES! Its hard to open yourself up to be hurt again or taken advantage of, etc… my opinion.

  • Slide Like A Fresh Pair of Gators (Keepin' It Real - D'Original)

    Real simple = we as Black People don’t LOVE each other… Male or Female…

    One could say it’s like “Black on Black” crime… It’s US killing OURSELVES, it’s NOT white people killing Black people like that!!!

    Shoot, Carla Harris left out that “some” Black Women derail Black Men’s Career’s too… And I’m speaking from collegiate and workplace experience…

    *Note – For those of you who are interested in Investment Banking contact “Carla Harris” at Morgan Stanley… Harvard educated ABSOLUTELY WONDERFUL Sista, I LOVE her… *But have your stuff together, don’t contact her half stepping…

  • http://Bossip AKeys_Stan XOXOXO

    I also think we are excepted by so few that we have to compete with each other
    Esp… Darker women by the media, family, friends, black men it’s crazy…

    When i was in middle school the black girls would yank my hair to see if it was real, and then when i spoke well they called me an oreo, and then to make matters worse they all made up a lie about me going with this popular black dude in school and he had a girlfriend, few days later i have this angry black girl wanting to kill me over a rumor, it was chaos, and still i have respect for black women, it’s just the horrible memories makes me really hate some of them with a passion.

    obviously they have self hate and terrible self esteem issues, now that i am grown i have enough strength to move on without crying.

  • Fancy

    Amen to that! Sound advice from Ms. Harris. When you have God in your life, no need to hate on the next, you know He’s taking care of you. Some sistas need to check themselves

  • Angee

    I don’t hate myself or black women!! I thought the cover was beautiful!!

  • http://Bossip AKeys_Stan XOXOXO

    White girls make for better friends …most black women want to tear your head off if you say anything or something to them. I’m black and i have no Black girlfriends . I wish i had a black girlfriend ..But it is what it is

  • What the...

    Why? On some real talk, insecurity.

    Cause Black women with their act together are usually to busy to care about the bull and they remind bum chicks EVERYDAY, just how below average they’ve become. Its so easy to be in denial about being a bum so a distraction is needed to get the focus off of them.

  • http://Bossip AKeys_Stan XOXOXO

    Uh oh…I smell a 500 comment thread coming, SMDH

    No Beyonce is not on this post

  • Kigali (Introduction to the New Black Woman 101)

    @Akey Stans,

    Try African girl friends. Ghanians are very nice and while they may have some resent for your light skinned, their so school orientated they will quickly get over it. Try Asian girl friends too.

    I dont recommend white women. This society cultivates a type of priveldge and sense of entitlement in them that will make them jealous of you too. Try a non American friend.

  • Jamillah

    A lot of the hatred is based on jealousy. Some black women hate on other black women because of looks. If black woman is pretty, has her own hair, her own car, and her own home, then she will be hated. Throw a man into the equation and the hate only intensifies. Most of it stems from the European beauty standards that really have nothing to do with us as African-Americans. Until we learn to love our own features and enbrace our own individual beauty then we will hold one another in contempt and the hate will continue.

  • Kigali (Introduction to the New Black Woman 101)

    I dont like the weaves on these black women but they are stunning.

  • Slide Like A Fresh Pair of Gators (Keepin' It Real - D'Original)

    Sound advice from Ms. Harris. When you have God in your life, no need to hate on the next, you know He’s taking care of you. Some sistas need to check themselves


    110% co-sign…

    You just reminded me Mrs. Harris has a Gospel CD out… Everybody please go out and support her 🙂

  • http://www.freewebs.com/bestsexever Christy

    In my town you have to look hard for good fathers sometimes.. Sometimes they are there but they are mentally, physically, emotionally, sexually abusive. Or they teach their daughters to compete. There are some good fathers out there, but you have to look. I love GOOOD FATHERS!

  • Queeney

    I’m not buying the self-hate thing. Bottom line– its insecurity. This isn’t just a “black girl” thing. All women do it. It’s human nature. Ladies, if you are doing something positive, wearing something fly, whatever the case maybe, I will compliment you. If you see that another women who embodies the qualities you want to immulate, approach her. Ask her to be a mentor, don’t hate…it’s ugly. If anything, it would be more beneficial to seek assitance, than hate from the sidelines. Essence should come at this topic from a different angle perhaps “How to embrace each other….differences and all.” Or “Empowering African American Through the Power of Sisterhood.” Now that is much more positive than tone Essence is setting,

  • Kigali (Introduction to the New Black Woman 101)


    We already had tis conversation on the Estelle thread.

    “Most of it stems from the European beauty standards that really have nothing to do with us as African-Americans.”

    Beaty is transcendent. There are no European beauty standards. If you ugly its because you are ugly.

    “Until we learn to love our own features and enbrace our own individual beauty then we will hold one another in contempt and the hate will continue.”

    You cant talk about lvong our features and then our own individual beauty. Contradiction dear.

    Black women need to stop using this mythic European beauty standard as an excuse on why they cant attract or why they arent considered attractive. Maybe you are just ugly? Even if Europe never existed you would still be ugly. Work with what you have.

  • Cavi

    By far the best article you’ve posted

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