Florida Crazies: Man Sues To Marry His “Sex-Filled Apple Computer” In Federal Gay Marriage Case

- By Bossip Staff

This guy is really trying to prove a point against homosexuality…

Florida Man Wants To Marry His Sex Filled Apple Computer

Via Broward Palm Beach reports:

A Florida gay marriage case — known in the federal court system as James Domer Brenner et al., v. Rick Scott, which challenges Florida’s refusal to recognize gay marriages that are performed legally elsewhere (Brenner and his partner married in Canada) — is sure to be one of the landmark court decisions to grind through the Sunshine State. But at least one person is elbowing in to make his own point.

Enter Chris Sevier, “a former Judge Advocate and combat veteran” who filed a motion to intervene on the Florida gay marriage case on behalf of “other minority sexual orientation groups.”

In the 24-page document, Sevier says that if gay couples “have the right to marry their object of sexual desire, even if they lack corresponding sexual parts, then I should have the right to marry my preferred sexual object.”

Which is?

“My p*rn filled Apple computer,” according to Sevier’s filing.

Recently, I purchased an Apple computer. The computer was sold to me without filters to block out pornography. I was not provided with any warning by Apple that pornography was highly addictive and could alter my reward cycle by the manufacturer. Over time, I began preferring sex with my computer over sex with real women. Naturally, I ‘fell in love’ with my computer and preferred having sex with it over all other persons or things, as a result of classic conditioning upon orgasm.

Short on sound legal grounding (and even shorter on wit), Sevier’s filing is obviously an attempt to punk the legal system because he doesn’t agree with gay marriage (as he says in the filing, “sexual orientation” never existed as a classification until President Obama came along to advance his “social agenda to make America a ‘gay nation.'”

Well, if he equates his computer with a legal human adult able to give informed consent, perhaps we shouldn’t be surprised by his ignorant, illogical and juvenile lawsuits.

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