Bossip Week In Review By David D.
Hi everyone. It’s me, David D. again with more thoughts on a week that passed. You all seemed to enjoy the first installment…except for those of you who didn’t…so I got invited back. Yay for everyone!
So without further ado, let’s read about what happened this week.
1. Who Let V. Stiviano Talk? – Last week ended with Donald Sterling’s mistress aka the Robin to Superhead’s Batman, V. Stiviano, talking to Barbara Walters about her newfound fame. You ever hear the saying that it’s better to let people assume you’re dumb than it is to talk and remove all doubt? Well, this strong-faced Cro-Magnon surely didn’t. Welp, these jumpoffs are winning in 2014. And we really have one person to thank/blame…
2. Monica Lewinsky Wants Her Throne Back – Monica Lewinsky was the foremother for side chicks winning. Thanks to her side chicks and groupies are getting TV shows, books and everything. She probably wishes she could go back and patent being a sidechick or something so she can get some residuals for every dollar Love & Hip-Hop makes.
But Monica took it too far by trying to correct Beyonce. Hey, you. Shhhh.
3. Music Break: Listen to Dee-1 – Think rap is full of useless crap and it’s ruining our society? Well, Dee-1 will change your mind. He’s one of the best out and he always has a message. Here’s his latest song, “Jason Geter” produced by 5th Child.
4. Nicki Minaj Is A Human Being – Can we take a moment to acknowledge how good Nicki Minaj looks now that she looks like a regular human? There’s a lot to learn here: you don’t need all that crazy a$$ makeup and gimmicks to look good. I bet Nicki would still have looked good without the implants, too. Regardless, her new look and Instagram are treasure troves.
5. SNL IZ RACIST!!!!11!!ELEVEN!! – Sigh. Now everyone is mad at the SNL skit where Leslie Jones made jokes about being a slave and having babies. I generally don’t gather the energy to get offended by comedy. But here’s the main issue with the skit: it wasn’t funny. S*** was sort of wack. I didn’t laugh. Not because I was offended. It’s that it wasn’t that funny. And when you’re not funny, you’re offensive. Better jokes would have ended all the struggle.
6. Mike Epps Needs Some Seats – Late last week, when asked who’s overrated, Epps named Kevin Hart. Okay, look. It’s been damn near a decade since Epps has been anything close to funny. Now he’s calling Kevin Hart overrated? The guy with a #1 movie every month? I mean, Kevin Hart hasn’t been exactly hysterical lately but Epps might be showing some jealousy that he’s no longer the king of comedy. They should just have a comedy battle like Katt Williams and Steve Harvey had that one time that nobody remembers.
7. What’s Worse Than Getting Called Out By Rick Ross? – Suge Knight has officially lost his damn mind. He recently went on a rant and said he’d beat Rozay up. Then Rick revealed that Suge was actually dapping him up a couple of weeks ago. I can’t think of anything worst than being called out as a phony by Rick Freaking Ross. That’s like Drake calling you Charmin soft or Tiger Woods calling you unfaithful. How the mighty have fallen.
8. TOTAL DIVAS BREAK – I’ve expressed my love of Total Divas before. IDC IDC. My favorite Diva on the show, Naomi, just released her new video. Okay. Look. It’s not good. WHO CARES, GUYS, SHE’S STILL GREAT. NO, YOU SHUT UP!
9. Give Kevin Durant All The Trophies – Did you see Durant’s ode to his mom during his MVP award speech? You didn’t cry? Oh. Me neither. Totally didn’t. *sniff*
10. Groupon Dates – There was a lot of talk on Twitter this week over if it’s appropriate to break out a Groupon for a date. Then someone hopped in saying that $1,200 is a decent enough amount of money to spend on a date. To that, I had two points I shared on Twitter that I want to repeat here:
1) I don’t care how much you think is appropriate to spend on a date. I care that you think there’s a certain price point someone should spend on a date.
2) If my wife wants a $1,200 date, she can walk with me to the door when the landlord comes.
11. Dr. Dre Is Rich As Hell – Dr. Dre just sold Beats Headphones for 3.2 billion dollars. Dude could literally buy me and own me as a slave. Maybe HE should buy the Clippers.
12. Drake Dates! – Drake is a super groupie. I really think he’s gonna write a sequel to the Superhead book one day. Like, “Tales Of A Sports Vixen” or something. Last night he took all the draft picks out to celebrate. I wonder if he used a Groupon.
13. Happy Mother’s Day – Go hug your mother for holding you down, feeding you and not letting that tape of her hanging off the shower rod go viral.