Let me jump right into to this. My boyfriend is in jail for the third time since we been together.
We have been together 3 years. We have a 19-month old together. I got pregnant two weeks within meeting him. I know it seems too fast, so we didn’t get to know each other that well.
For the first year of our relationship he would disappear on me for 2 weeks at a time ever month until I had the baby, but I always took him back. After the baby came things seemed fine, but he continued to cheat on me and I let it go. So, my question is should I end it? I love him, but don’t trust him and I don’t want to abandon him while he’s in jail because I have a good heart, but he’s done so much to me I just wanna feel liberated. Help Please! – Feeling Terrible In Texas
Dear Ms. Feeling Terrible In Texas,
Damn! Thot behavior!
You got pregnant within two weeks of meeting this guy. You let him raw dog you, and you didn’t even know him that well, but you felt the need to let a random man climb on top of you and do his business without a condom. WOW! Now, I’m not saying you’re a Thot, but that is Thot behavior to the fullest.
However, that is not what your letter is about. You are more concerned about what to do regarding your relationship with him because he is locked up for a third time. And, you claim you love him, and don’t want to abandon him while he’s in jail because you have a good heart. I truly can’t! I can’t. I won’t. I shall not.
Uhm, let’s see here, how can you abandon someone who has already abandoned you? Sips tea and glances over at the morning news.
Girl, he’s never been your man. He’s never been a part of your life. He’s never committed himself to you, or your child. This man/boy would disappear for two weeks at a time every month, and you had no idea where he was, yet, each time he returned you took him back. The hell?!?! (Thot behavior)
He disappears for two weeks with no communication, and you just welcome him home as if nothing ever happened? Yeah, you’re that woman, that woman who likes random men busting you wide open and leaving you. You’re that woman who will stick by his side, claiming he’s your man, and will fight another woman in the streets because you want to be a ride or die chick. (Thot behavior)
He is a criminal. He is a womanizer. He ain’t about nothing, and he will bring you nothing. A nothing a** man with a nothing a** life. I can’t believe that you actually procreated with him, and you actually laid up with him having unprotected sex, and are now the newest statistic of being a baby momma to a locked up man who can’t support you or your child financially, emotionally, mentally, or physically. How is that working out for you? And, how the hell can you sit up here and claim you love when you don’t even know him? Hell, he doesn’t even love you! You are just another woman, another chick, another warm bed for him to lay up in during his visits home from jail. He spends more time in jail than in the free world.
And, Sweetie, this is the third time he’s been locked up since you’ve been together. Therefore, there can be numerous and multiple times he could have been locked up prior to being with you. SMDH!
What’s sad is that you want to feel liberated, but you will never be liberated from him because you share a child together. He will forever be a part of your life, causing drama, causing stress and grief. He will always call on you when he’s locked up to put money on his books because he knows you love him and will ride for him. He knows that because he was able to raw dog you within two weeks of meeting you that you are easy, you are desperate, and you have no self-esteem or self-worth. Therefore, he is like a spiritual vampire that will deplete you, suck the life out of you, and play on your emotions because you don’t even love yourself.
Get your life together. Work on you. Leave him alone, and just focus on raising your child. Get into someone’s school, empower yourself, and rise above this hood behavior. Don’t become trapped in this vicious cycle of ghetto life chasing after a man/boy who would rather be in jail, committing crimes and not taking care of his responsibilities. He’s a child, a boy. He will never love you, give himself to you, or commit to you. He can’t even commit to himself, or take care of himself. Therefore, find a spiritual home, a church, and surround yourself with positive encouraging people who can help you move beyond him, and this black hole of dumba**ness! – Terrance Dean
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Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!