Sextra: I Can’t Keep up With Him

Hey Bossip, I need a little advice. I’ve been with my guy for a little over a year and I have never known a love like his. He’s endearing, kind, and patient, and there’s nothing he wouldn’t do for me, he’s a man’s man. I’ve been a very true and faithful woman to him and we have a very strong connection that I’m excited to watch grow as time passes. I could really see myself with him for the rest of my life and we’ve been talking about talking about taking our relationship to the next level. Here’s the problem, for the longest time we had sex with condoms and he would always say that they kept him from pleasing me the way he wanted to and knew he could. I’m a very strong advocate for safe sex and even though I’m on birth control, I wasn’t willing to have unprotected sex with him until we got tested together. Mind you we didn’t even have sex for the first 5 or 6 months that we dated. About 3 months ago we got tested and everything was negative on both our parts so we began to have unprotected sex and he wasn’t lying about his skills. In the beginning I was so excited about really being able to feel him and make love to him and it was beautiful. Now that the excitement has kind of worn off some nights I just want to quit after I climax but he is relentless. He’s very strong, we work out together all the time so he’s got endurance and can go for miles without rest!!! Me, not so much. I drink and smoke a little pot on the weekends so my senses are heightened and I’m pooped after an hour. He doesn’t drink nor smoke and when we have sex, he goes hard because it’s his only vice I guess. He’s well endowed and stays up and my little body can’t take it sometimes. He’s so sweet though because he doesn’t get frustrated or anything and he’ll eventually ask if I’m tired and he knows I am because I’m dry at that point and he goes to sleep a lot of nights without getting off. Some nights I try to hang in there with him but I’m swollen and sore for the next few days. I know this is really graphic but I don’t want to talk to my friends about it because it’s highly embarrassing that I can’t keep up with my man!!! He’s 31 and I’m 28 and usually it’s the other way around with older men!!! I don’t want this to become an issue down the line so what can I do to satisfy him? Your advice would be appreciated!

Good day to you, sis! Thank you for writing in and sharing your story! So your man is beasting on you in the bedroom and you’re struggling to keep up! Lots of women would love to be on the receiving end of such good loving! With that being said, you have to step your game up and learn your man. Explore him and find that “spot,” the best position or the right combination of things that’s going to send him over the edge. Everyone has a special zone that sparks intense orgasms and it’s your job to find his since he knows yours! It’ll be fun and fulfilling for the both of you. Take your time with him, work your orals and extend the foreplay before you get into the actual act. Build his anticipation and try to hold off on your orgasms to stay in the moment with him. Remember communication is key, so maybe one night tell him you’ll do whatever he wants you to and learn what he likes, what you could do different and so fourth. Take your time and get into loving him, right? It’s way too early in your relationship for the excitement to have worn off!

This could be an avenue for some adventure play, also! Go to a novelty store together and get some warming lubes, massage oils, edible body glazes, blindfolds, teaser feathers, handcuffs or freaky dice. Not to say that these items should be used on a regular basis because they do, in fact, limit intimacy when used too often. But on nights where you’re feeling a little risqué, blindfold him and tease him with your body parts, let him guess what’s where or roll the freaky dice and perform the task without him knowing what to expect! Do some role play and be his personal night nurse or nasty dancer. Never underestimate or forget the element of surprise! Keep things fresh and spicy at all times! Again, it’s too early in your relationship for sex to be mundane or routine. You said your lovemaking was beautiful in the beginning, so what did you do different? Spice it up! Keep it hot!

And another thing, sex in its purest form is meant to be a spiritual experience so maybe nix the booze and trees and be sober with him. His good loving will leave you punch-drunk! You can get high off sharing a sexual experience with the man you love without burning trees. Sharing each other without mind-altering substances can be just a stimulating if you’re willing, open and without inhibition . . . true story. Try it and see what happens! It may take your love-making to higher heights and again, take your time. Be one with your man, sis! Be one with your man!

What are your thoughts, Bossip Readers? Please leave your thoughts in the thread!

Have a wonderful weekend and please remember to e-mail all topic suggestions, feedback and questions to loveandrelationships@bossip.com!