Dear Bossip: I Married a Monster!

Hey Bossip! I have a story for your love and relationship letters. So here it is. I married my husband a little over 3 years ago after dating for about 2 years. I found out the day after our wedding that I was pregnant. So we had the baby, a girl, and things were good for a very short span of time. After we had our daughter, we bought a house and I was really enjoying our family life. When I told him about the pregnancy he was excited and said he was ready to be a father. About 9 months to a year into our marriage, things just changed. He became mean and testy all the time. Even still I can’t say a whole lot to him without him flipping out about something I did wrong days ago. He’s mean to our daughter and stays in the basement with the XBox 360 for hours on end when he comes home from work, and me and my daughter wouldn’t dare go down those steps because we never know what bag he’s coming out of. He’s no help around the house and I have to hound him to do the lawn maintenance and fix things around the house. For example, we bought our daughter a new bed and it sat in the box for a week before I finally put it together. We go for weeks without speaking and he seems totally unhappy. I love my husband and want our marriage to work but I can’t live like this. I know it seems silly writing to phantom readers on a website but I am truly desperate for direction. What should I do?

The first thing that cannot be tolerated is the mistreatment of your daughter. You cannot let her get used to or comfortable with being mistreated. It’s just not a healthy start and you don’t want her to accept mishandling as love at any point in her life in terms of her relationships. That needs to stop immediately.

It sounds like you’re in a mentally abusive relationship. If you can’t talk to your husband without him hollering at you and you can’t be in the same room because you’re not sure what mood he’s in or if he’s going to snap, you’re living in fear. It’s not healthy for you or your daughter. Walking on eggshells in your home is not okay. Living in the same space and not speaking for weeks is absurd! And think of the example the both of you are setting for your daughter. It would be interesting to know how he treats his mother or sisters if he has any. Most men would be gearing up for battle if you mess with Moms and sis.

On the other hand, a woman will never know the pressure a man feels when he becomes a husband, father and provider. Maybe the house and baby came all too soon for him and this his coping mechanism. But you will never know unless you guys start talking. You should be able to approach your husband, voice your concerns and express yourself. Without communication, there is no marriage, period. If he’s unhappy he should let you know that so you can move on with your life and vice versa. It all boils down to how bad the both of you want it to work and work at it. If that means taking a family vacation, do it. If it means hiring a sitter twice a week and having some time alone, do it. If it means talking to a counselor, do it. If you believe you can save your marriage, take the steps necessary to fix it. Otherwise, make tracks. Hope this helps! What do you think she should do, Bossip readers?

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