An attorney admitting that she wouldn’t date a bus driver unless he “owned the bus” is causing a commotion among people who think she’s too picky and others who think she has a right as a successful woman to that personal dating preference.
The bus driver dating discourse is now expanding into a wider discussion on Black women being “urged to lower their standards” when picking partners.
The Grio’s Eboni K. Williams recently hosted a special one-on-one interview with Iyanla Vanzant centered around femininity and masculine energy vs feminine energy.
During the discussion, Iyanla spoke out against the “masculine aggressiveness” that some Black women exude while dating. “It’s killing us,” said Vanzant who previously said that “women are being trained to be men in skirts.”
Williams, 39, then went into detail about how she personally exudes masculine energy but said she feels she doesn’t have a choice.
“I’ve yet to have a male energy that provided or protected me consistently ever,” said Williams noting that she’s even referencing her absentee father. “I think that I have taken on the reigns to provide and protect for myself. ‘Cause what I’m not going to do, Iyanla, is be without.”
“Be without protection and be without the necessities of life,” she added. “But I say that with an invitation Iyanla, check me! Show me the error of my ways, show me how I might be missing it because I might be.”
Iyanala, 69, then went into detail about how she is also an Alpha woman and recalled being a “terrible mother but a great father” to her children because of the masculine energy she exuded before course-correcting. She also said that Black women need to learn to create and lean into their authentic power.
“I’m still very Alpha but I”m in my throne and my crown is straight,” said Iyanla.
Eboni K. Williams Brought Up Statistics Before Iyanla Vanzant Asked If She’d Date A Bus Driver
Elsewhere in the chat, Williams went into details with statistics before asking the fellow attorney about dating.
Source: Jamie McCarthy / Getty
In particular, she noted that Black women are earning college degrees at a faster rate than anyone else and are also earning terminal degrees while also being the fastest-growing group of entrepreneurs alongside Latinas.
Willimas also pointed out that women are outearning men in 22 of the largest cities in America and with that, wondered how “we can position ourselves in our divinity” when some men are “not in a position to protect nor provide.”
That led to Iyanla’s viral question.
“Would you date a bus driver?” asked Iyanala.
“If he owns the bus,” replied Eboni after a pause. “If he owns it.”
“That’s a problem,” replied Iyanala. “Because the standards and requisites, the standards and criteria that we use to measure men is off for who we are as women and who they are in this society.
“I would date a bus driver if he loved driving the bus if he was a man of integrity if he loved his mama, if he loved me well, I would date a bus driver,” added the life coach.
She also noted that it would be possible to build with a bus driver as long as she has her stash of money on the side and her prenup.
“I think some of the criteria that we look for in the reality of today that keeps us unhappy, keeps us angry, keeps us unbalanced,” added Iyanla. “It’s not working beloved, it’s just not working. It’s obsolete,” she concluded. “I don’t believe in taking care of a man, a man has to do for himself but I think the way we measure it, it’s just obsolete.
Williams’ comments have since been discussed on The Breakfast Club where listeners called in to blast her and recalled their own personal dealings with blue-collar workers…
and also via her The Grio colleague Marc Lamont Hill who noted that “there is dignity in all labor” but also saw Williams’ point.
“Black women are the only demographic of people in this country who are systematically expected to date below their expectation and their income,” said Hill. “Y’all think Black women should have a lower bar.”
….is he wrong?
He also implored Black men to be more honest and admit that after reaching a certain level of success, they don’t date at their economic station and a number of them don’t even date Black women.
The conversation is continuing on Twitter where people are picking sides with some complimenting Eboni for not settling and others agreeing with Iyanla.
What do YOU think about the Eboni K. Williams’ bus driver dating discourse?
She’s since responded to the backlash by saying that she’s not backing down considering that average is “not good enough for her” and doesn’t think it’s “good enough for you”, either.
“I suspect that some of y’all are the same men that were bringing home Cs and Ds on your report card, only to be coddled by parents who said, ‘Well that’s okay as long as you’re doing your best,'” said Williams on The Grio. “I love and believe in the excellence of Black men so no my dear, Cs or Ds or any other form of mediocrity is not okay.”
[…]
“So, I’mma say one more time. There’s absolutely notjhing wrong with driving a bus, my mother Gloria drove one for years, but could it be that Black America has been sold a narrative of average, regular and typical being good enough for us? Well see, that’s called white supremacy.”
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