Would You Stay If Your Partner Had An “Outside Kid”???

- By Bossip Staff

Yesterday a debate was sparked after news surfaced of an Ohio woman who claims to have mothered a child by retired NBA player Eric Williams, husband to “Basketball Wives” reality star Jennifer Williams. She denied knowledge of the woman or her child, but if faced with the same situation, how many people might do the same thing?

Many readers commented that Williams should divorce her husband, but she was already aware he’d been unfaithful and they’ve been working through those issues. Just to play devils advocate — Should a woman who has been with a man for over ten years, absolutely leave her husband because he had a “love child” or should she accept the situation and try to work through it?

Of course this situation isn’t new or unique. Bill Cosby, Jesse Jackson, John Edwards and Dr. J are all examples of other prominent men who were called out for fathering kids outside of their marriages. Other examples include Diddy, whose on-again, off-again girlfriend Kim Porter has yet to acknowledge his daughter Chance, who was born while they were together, as well as Swizz Beatz, whose ex-wife Mashonda stayed through the affair that produced his son Prince Nasir and eventually married him!

Is a “love child” or “outside kid” an absolute deal breaker??? Does the situation change at all if you don’t discover the child until long after the affair is over? Thoughts?

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Comments

  • SCarter

    I know it would be VERY hard, but some marriages are able to survive something like this. It’s just something the husband and wife have to work out for themselves and figure out what’s best for them.

    I don’t think any of us can give a real opinion on something like this unless we have been through a similar experience.

    • m.i.a

      Best damn comment!

    • Aproko (Amebo)

      totally agree dude! Best comment!

    • Droppin it like its hot since 1986

      Best damn comment for real…Always remember that the child is innocent. The issue is with your spouse and the person who they had the child with and its worse if you also know the person that they had the child with.

    • CoCoDeluxe

      Best comment, BTW.

      I have a friend who married in ’95. By the time we met in ’99, her marriage was on the rocks. Yes, he cheated and has a 15 yo daughter with another woman. [A real heartbreaker as she wanted a daughter because they have 2 boys at home, and she kept having miscarriages]. They are still together. They worked it out.

      My husband and I are separated over finances, and some damn TEXT MESSAGES to another woman. An outside child may prove to be too much…

  • nina

    @newbie

    He accidentally cheated on you 2? Stop making excuses for him and don’t be surprised when he cheats on you again chica.

  • Lia

    It would be a deal breaker for me definitely! That is the ultimate betrayal to not only stray outside the relationship but bring a child into a situation. I would not be able to handle it, and it would have to be over!

  • Marquis de Sade

    ๐Ÿ˜† They should change the weddin’ vows when women marry pro athletes/politician/celebrities to I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU HUSBAND AND DOORMAT! ๐Ÿ˜†

    • taylorgang

      lol very true!

  • mememe

    absolutely…

    or i get one too.

  • Rachel

    it’s a deal breaker.

    That child DESERVES a loving home.

    Not one filled with baby momma/daddy drama.

    The moment that the husband or boyfriend left the house to go sleep with another woman was enough to break the deal on their union.

    It takes a strong and REALLY MATURE woman to KNOWING accept and bring into her home the love child of her boo and make that child feel comfortable and accepted. If she chooses to stay with her man, she should love that child as if it were her own and not make that child suffer EMOTIONALLY for the sins of their father…this is what she agrees to if she decides to stay.

    Don’t beat up the child with verbal shots or neglect because it isn’t yours but is your husband’s/boyfriend’s by some groupie or side chick. That child is going to need THERAPY regardless so try to make it easy on them…be mad at the guy FIRST but not an innocent child.

    • Aproko (Amebo)

      great comment!

  • Newbie

    ok well everyone is different and entitled to their own opinion but my bf of 6 years “accidentally” got some other girl pregnant and Im still sticking around… At times I feel like I deserve better and I want to leave but then I end up staying…

    • detdoll5

      @Newbie…you what that makes you? pathetic. Your correct everyone is entitled to their opinion, but right is right. Women like you give men all the ammo they need to be pathetic as well. Where do you draw the line? What’s the cardinal sin in your relationship? Where is his respect for you and your self respect? He accidentally got another girl pregant. How stupid do you sound, very. He’s trifling, and your an enabler, just like any woman who allows a man to walk all over her. This is very reason scores of Black woman are dying at such a phenomenal rate from AIDS.

    • toya1

      you’re even more pathetic that you have a 6yr old relationship that isn’t [probably won’t ever] lead to marriage ..

    • wow

      Ok how do you accidentallyโ€ get someone pregant and why are you still with him . If you have respect for yourself leave now and move on there is someone that will love and respect you .

    • rita

      In YOUR situation…i probably would have left. I am married and if my husband had a baby outside of our marriage, i would stay. We have children–they deserve a family. He will have to live with his indiscretions forever and i wont let him forget it but divorce isnt in our cards. Furthermore, if the child would be in a better situation with us–the our home would be it’s home.

      Im sure that i will have some resentment for a while but i will get over it.

  • Nina

    It would be over and I would never utter another word to him again. That is beyond disrespectful. It would hurt even more if we didn’t have any children. These men and women who cheat need to be single because they hurting themselves when they cheat too. When they are ready to settle down their lover is gonna do worse to them.

  • darealwifey

    There is no one answer to this issue. No a woman shouldn’t automatically forgive nor should automatically leave. It depends on the man, how long he’s been f***g up, how trustworthy he is, and how he treats his family, overall.

    Some mofo’s just feel entitled. They have a “what you don’t know, won’t hurt you” attitude. Or they feel like since they are paying the bills, the wife doesn’t have a voice. When you are dealing with these types of men, it’s a lost cause. Give it up.

    However, sometimes, good men f*** up ONCE. Again, forgiveness is up to the wife, and she has to search her heart and let him know how she feels. His TRUE remorse and changed behavior should help her decide. There just is no right or wrong answer to this.

    • Y

      I totally agree, although I’m pretty sure it would be a deal breaker for me. The constant reminder of an extra child would just be too much. But I can see why some women might want to make it work. To each his own, I say.

    • Jasira

      I believe in that…!!

  • darealwifey

    Oh yeah, and the baby in the pic is ADORABLE! lol

  • Rihanna'sSharpNPointyWitchyFingernailsTookTheOath

    of course, not.

    …that baby is pure preciousness~

  • ByrdLady

    I don’t think I could handle it. Not only are u put there cheating but u didn’t even have enough respect or decency to protect me. Also, to have to deal w/ baby mama drama. That s*** is not for me.

    • Jasira

      I believe in that too…!!

  • Marquis de Sade

    Y’all know that’s Montana Fishburn’s baby pic, right? ๐Ÿ˜†

  • ?

    I want to divorce my husband however it is very hard for me to just do it. We’ve been together for eight years and have no kids, which I have wanted and he hasn’t. He used to go out and stay out all night and club three nights out of the week and I feel like he could at least mention that he is married or show pictures of me on his facebook page. Since I’ve started making over 70k a year he no longer goes out to clubs and he now has become impetent! Shouldn’t I leave him and not think twice about how mad he gets?

    • SCarter

      This particular post is about husbands who have children outside the marriage. Is that what your husband did?

    • Marquis de Sade

      If you ain’t happy and y’all ain’t got no kids, then yes, divorce his azz…You maynot know what you want in life, but at least be mentally healthy enough to know what you don’t want in life.

    • yah...

      One thing u cant get back…is time.sounds to me like u KNO wut u want, and if he cant giv it to thn do urslf a favor n leave him. It’ll save lots of hurt and heartache in tha end..u cant force tha man ta see things ur way..trust me, i myself hav tried.dnt waste nemore time…!

    • You know...

      If the right opportunity presented itself we are all capable of stepping out. Sometimes you have to get out there to see that just how great what you have at home was. It is totally possible for your husband to come broken and repentant. We are all taught to forgive in order to be forgiven. How strong is your love for one another? That is the true question. If the love is real…you can WORK through it. (Most times the side piece is scheming and hoping that the spouse will throw in the towel.)

  • TheRider

    I have a friend whose husband had 2 outside kids, one was conceived after she had a miscarriage a few months earlier, the second about 15 years later. Like most women, my first thought was she should leave him, but like she told me, until you live it, you don’t understand it. All I can say is she’s a strong woman.

    • wow

      I am sorry to say but your friend is a fool . This man not only broke his promise to love only her not one but twice man she must have low self esteem or something but then again people have to live there own lives .

    • serene

      gotta agree with wow. Thats not about living it. Thats a sign of someone who’s conifidence is lacking. One time I may agree with you, twice…thats just disrespectful to her and their marriage. He doesn’t have any regards for her at all

  • Mabel

    Any married man who has made a child outside his marriage has spiritually broken the marriage, meaning he has divorced himself from his wife on the spiritual level. I could not take back such a man, we would have to also break the bonds on the legal level.

    • toya1

      amen girl .. amen … its a wrap the second he had ole girls on his shoulder .. but an even bigger wrap when lil person came into the world .. either way, DIVORCE.. you are justified .. why blacks cant seem to want to divorce is beyond me … whites dont play that game ..

  • Sam

    I know a woman whose man has an outside child. Her response is that he is great in bed, which is why she doesn’t leave. Just sad.

  • http://Google Ashley

    Yea. i made a mistake during a relationship. Over things i was hearing and i understand but if this was his first mistake and he is a good man i would take him back cus evryone deserves a second chance.

    • Marquis de Sade

      ๐Ÿ˜† F*cked around on your man once, huh? – So I guess you feel you owe him a GET OUT OF JAIL FREE card, eh? That’s the honorable thing to. ๐Ÿ™‚

    • Newbie

      THANK YOU!!! coming from another REAL WOMAN!

  • sholooka

    I think this is the ultimate no-no whether your married or just in a committed relationship with someone. The way I look at is, not only did you go out and cheat but you went unprotected. On top of that you have invited another woman into our relationship for the remainder of it and that’s not what I signed up for. You can always forgive but the forgetting part would be way too hard. Plus the child is a constant reminder of what happened. You may be able to love the child as your own eventually but you are always going to have some scorn towards it’s mother and your husband/boyfriend everytime you look at it and that’s just real.

  • Littleenglander

    DIVORCE. Children all over the place, with different partners. It’s not fair to the wife and not fair to any children of the marriage. Also, if the husband is creeping there may be even worse consequences, like stds. The husband is endangering the wife’s health, through having unprotected s*x.

  • MasterBates

    Marriage has been so devalued the last couple of decades it seems like it has been accepted in some marriages because there is a lack of self worth & esteem from a person in which they would step out on the marriage. Whatever happen to communication or therapy if there is discord in the relationship? Bottom if your not going to stay committed & faithful…don’t get married. It is not for everyone & should not be done because of the society pressure & promotion of monogamy which is hypocritical especially in American society. All it does it brings pain, hurt & mistrust in which most cases the committment level of that marriage will never be recovered.

  • LuVn_LiFe

    Dealbreaker for me!”

    IVe never dated someone with Kids “EVER”

    Nor will I,i just cant do it.thats Just me and my preference

    • LuVn_LiFe

      oh and that Dang Little girl IS SO dogGone cute!”

  • miari

    if i was married or had a serious companion and he had an outside child on me, hmm hell no go with your baby mama,becausen i dont want to pay child support or by diapers for your happy time with another chick! let’s get real ok- real talk!

  • msbliss

    That’s not true and there are many variables in this situation. Some men cheat & feel nothing about it because they are truly in it for them. But, yes, you do have good men who f*ck up once and they child is the result of it. I know my bf did & I can say w/o lying or being in denial that he has completely changed BUT whether I chose 2 stay & accept this child I’m not 100% sure. And to whoever said its not something you can judge until its you is ABSOLUTELY RIGHT. There are great relationships that were & still thrive despite a outside child being involved. Every1 situation is not the same & a genuine man will admit his fault & step up 2 the plate & change his way. I don’t believe any man cheats to conceive a child but it can happen with OR w/o a condom. Its no different than a woman cheating & conceiving but more ppl will tell her partner he should accept the child &move on. I am in no way holding up for the man cause I have & still go through the hurt & pain but I’m just being realistic about it. I know couples who have been through this & still 2gether 3,8,10+ yrs after the fact. But I know some who broke up. Its the couples choice & if you can move past it Then so be it & I applaud that cause it takes real commitment & love when both partners commit 2 it Not the situation of the man who didn’t learn & is stuck on stupid. Its all how the woman involved in it feels not ppl on the outside looking in cause their opinions don’t matter.

  • rain

    Thats a beautiful baby

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