Dear Bossip: Why is He Discussing Our Problems With his Ex?

- By Bossip Staff

Dear Bossip, I’ve been with my man for about 2 years and I’m just now catching wind of something that has become a huge issue. Like, I said, we’ve been together for 2 years and like any other couple we’ve had out issues. I try my best to communicate with him when we have our problems and I make a point to listen and take his thoughts and feelings into consideration. We’ve been going back and forth about moving in together but I have my reservations about living with him before we’re at lease engaged. I’m 31 and have taken care of myself and I work hard to maintain my lifestyle. I don’t think that I should abandon everything I’ve worked so hard for just to say that I live with my boyfriend and my place is too small for the both of us. I’m just to old for a roommate situation if you know what I mean. Ever since we had that blow up about a month ago he’s been making little remarks that suggest I think I’m too good to live with him and catches little attitudes with me for no reason. I realize he could have any woman he wants and could convince plenty of them to do what he wants them to do…….including his ex who I believe isn’t over him. Me, not so much I’m no fool. I’m not budging. Lately I’ve noticed his ex has been calling him frequently and he’s been calling her too. Only to overhear a conversation when he thought I was sleep on the couch and she was saying things like “if she doesn’t make you happy then move on. She doesn’t know what she has. And baby I know you and that’s not like you to do this and that.” Then she said that I’m lucky to have him. I was so heated I got up and left and confronted him about it the next day only for him to say that she’s a part of his life and I’m going to have to find a way to be okay with it. I told him that I feel like if it’s that serious, then he should go be with her because I’m not with that at all. It’s been a week and I haven’t spoken to him since I told him to go be with her but I really have a problem with him discussing out problems with his ex girlfriend. What should I do?

Good day to you, sis! Thank you for writing in and sharing your story! So, yeah. It is never cool to disclose intimate details of your relationship with an ex. It’s a violation of privacy and, furthermore, violates the trust that you should have in your partner to confront you with any issue that should arise. Like, if you just have to seek an outsider’s opinion, talk to one of your boys or a family member, right? But the ex? That’s flagrantly foul and problematic in the grand scheme of things. She’s an ex for a reason! Not to say that communication has to be axed completely, but anything more than the occasional “hey! How are you? Glad you’re doing well” type conversation always causes trouble.

Sis, you are stronger than most to have turned him loose and suggest that he go be with his ex since “she’s a part of his life” that you’re just going to have to deal with. You did the right thing because, the way it sounds, they might have some unfinished business to handle since the both of them are seemingly having a hard time letting go of each other. Set him free so he can gain a better perspective on what he wants and you do that same. She can be a part of his life all he wants but not on your watch, ma! You certainly do not have the time to entertain such nonsense. And thank goodness he showed you everything you needed to see before you got in too deep with this man. Could you imagine how angry you’d be if you had buckled and moved in with this cat and he pulled this stunt after the fact? This was truly a blessing in disguise!

The fact that you haven’t communicated with him in a week should speak volumes to his dedication in making your relationship work. Sure, it’s more than likely painful but it’s miniscule in comparison to hurt you could’ve experienced if you had found out later … much later, like, post move-in. You’d be miserable, for sure! Seriously though, you asked what you should do and aside from what you’ve already done, you should take all the time and space you need to sort out your thoughts and feelings. Decide if this is something you’re willing to continue to invest your time and energy in. Make a decision, be firm and don’t waver! Take your time, sis! Take your time!

Bossip fam, what are your thoughts? Please share them below!

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