Dear Bossip: Why Won’t He ‘Put a Ring on It’?

- By Bossip Staff

Bossip I’ve been with this man for over a year and I have been everything he wants and more. I keep myself up and I work out and I look damn good whenever we hit the town and I present myself like a lady. I made it very clear to him that I’m not trying to do this dating thing for too long because I’m not getting any younger and he isn’t either! He’s 30 and had his time to play around in the streets with the chicks who came before me but now it’s time for him to put a ring on it. I’m about to be 28 and I have a very strict timeline that I’ve told him about and he acted like he was okay with it. I want to be engaged by the time I’m 29 and married by 30 I’ve said it over and over but he hasn’t bought it to the forefront of discussion as a matter of fact he avoids it. I don’t want to waste my time but he needs to step up to the plate. I have a job, I don’t have kids and not to blow my own horn I’m very physically attractive. He’s educated and got a good job so I don’t understand the hold up. He needs to put a ring on it asap. How do I get this message across to him because I can’t wait much longer. Your advice would be appreciated.

Good day to you, sis! Thank you for writing in and sharing your story. So, clearly you have your life mapped out down to specific dates and ages. While this has, more than likely, worked in your favor in terms of your career and other ares of your life, these sort of time restraints are no good when it comes to matters of the heart, Ma! With love, things should take course on its own, natural time – which is different for everyone – some folks meet and marry within months while it takes years for others. You can’t put a rush on these things. Furthermore, any man would be weary of proposing to a “control freak.” Something to think about.

After reading your story, one must ask: put a ring on what? Are you serious? At 27, you should have a firm grasp on the differences between reality and fantasy. Please stop with the reality TV binges! Discover music outside of what you hear on the radio and see in the videos! Maybe some genres without a lot of silly lyrics that go beyond the Top 40? “Put a ring on it?” Realize it takes more than a look, status and timeline to get a man to drop stacks on an engagement ring, get on bended knee and dedicate the rest of his life to you! He could care less about your timeline if marrying you is not something he’s ready to do or if he’s unsure about you being the right person. Proposals and marriage are things a man will do when he’s good and doggone ready and not a moment sooner. It has to make sense and feel right to both parties involved and pressuring him could send him running for the hills.

Seriously though, why do you want to marry this man? At no point in your letter did you even mention that you love him and want to spend the rest of your life with this man. Besides looking good, having a job and being his arm candy, you failed to mention what more you bring to the table and what you’re doing to show him that you’re marriage material. Do you cook? Do you clean? Do you support his goals and aspirations? Do the two of you share any common interests, in terms planning for the future, family and children? Are you willing to compromise when the two of you disagree or when times are trying? Have you asked what his expectations are of you as a long term partner? These are things you might want to do (if you haven’t already) to exemplify your commitment to the relationship. Building a life goes much further than you wanting to be married by the time you’re 30 and how you look. Marriage is serious business … it’s not a game and you want to be sure that the both of you are serious about making it work. If it means you being with the man you want to love for the rest of your life, you’ll wait until the time is right! So, chill out and enjoy him, get to know each other and see where it goes! Good luck to you, sis! Good luck!

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