Madea Taught Me: 10 Lessons Learned From Tyler Perry Movies

- By Bossip Staff
1 of 11

There are two kinds of Black people in this world: Those who LOVE Tyler Perry (and support everything he does) and those who HATE the fatsuit-wearing filmmaker and his cinematic junk food. Filthy rich and powerful, he feeds his flock unrealistic life lessons that only make sense in his mind and nowhere else.

Here are ten valuable lessons learned from Tyler Perry films. Take a look.

If you cheat on your spouse, you’re automatically cursed with HIV.

In Tyler Perry land, HIV is a punishment for husbands/wives who cheat. So don’t, because if you do, you’ll be lonely and AIDsy. Forever.

The grass is never greener on the other side

In Tyler Perry land, Alicia Keys and Swizzy would have the deadliest strain of HIV ever. Swizz would lose his ability to scream over records and Alicia would lose her already worthless voice, pianos and fame. Cold world.

It’s only OK for a man to hit a woman when she’s nasty or evil

In “The Family That Preys,” Sanaa Lathan’s henpecked husband finally snaps and slaps her over a table. So nasty and cruel, she deserved it, right? In Tyler Perry land, she does.

Dark-skinned men are EVIL (and beat, degrade and drag women across the floor by their weave)

The darker and ashier the Black man the more abusive and wicked he is. Science.

Light-skinned men were designed by God to save women from their problems

…which explains why Drake whispers “Baby girl, you shouldn’t be here” in skripper’s ears during lap dances.

A troubled woman can only be saved by a light-skinned man

Because, again, dark-skinned men were created by the Devil to terrorize decent women.

    Continue Slideshow

    The perfect man will always fall from the sky and save a woman if she prays (and pays her tithes)

    With prayer and faith in God, the man of a woman’s dreams will fall from Heaven onto her doorstep and be everything she needs to overcome her struggles.

    Awkward dry cough = HIV

    Janet (who was basically the Black version of “Miranda Priestly” in “Devil Wears Prada”) had this awkward dry cough throughout “For Colored Girls.” Yep, she had HIV. No, seriously.

    Black folks don’t care about movie quality, they just want a soul-warming message.

    Tyler’s movies cost $10 million to make and gross over $80 million. His fans don’t care about cringe-worthy dialogue, awkward camera angles, plot holes or raggedy cornrow wigs. ALL TP movies critic-proof? Sadly, yes.

    Prayer fixes everything

    Pray and your relationship woes, hardships and struggles will instantly turn into triumphs. All those unpaid bills and student loans in your life? Jesus will pay them all IF you pray.

    More Stories From Bossip

    Comments

    • http://theprestige.org/?p=3286 When The Checks Stop Coming In: Lionsgate Opts Not To Renew Tyler Perry Deal | Prestige Cable News

      […] Does this mean no more gun totin’ Madea? […]

    • http://DieHardBeauty.com/?p=8240 When The Checks Stop Coming In: Lionsgate Opts Not To Renew Tyler Perry Deal | DieHard Beauty

      […] Does this mean no more gun totin’ Madea? […]

    • http://DieHardBeauty.com/?p=8452 Stay Away! Picture Of Tyler Perry Talking To Lupita Nyong’o Makes Everyone FREAKS OUT | DieHard Beauty

      […] either love Tyler Perry, or you hate him. There doesn’t seem to be any in-between. That’s why when he was […]

    • http://route1radio.com/v2/stay-away-picture-of-tyler-perry-talking-to-lupita-nyongo-makes-everyone-freak-out/ Stay Away! Picture Of Tyler Perry Talking To Lupita Nyong’o Makes Everyone FREAK OUT

      […] either love Tyler Perry, or you hate him. There doesn’t seem to be any in-between. That’s why when he was […]

    • http://streetlifecity.net/2014/03/05/stay-away-picture-of-tyler-perry-talking-to-lupita-nyongo-makes-everyone-freak-out/ Stay Away! Picture Of Tyler Perry Talking To Lupita Nyong’o Makes Everyone FREAK OUT | Street Life City

      […] either love Tyler Perry, or you hate him. There doesn’t seem to be any in-between. That’s why when he was spotted […]

    • http://www.datfix.com/2014/09/23/madea-gets-knocked-up-funniest-reactions-to-tyler-perry-expecting-his-first-child/ Madea Gets Knocked Up: Funniest Reactions To Tyler Perry Expecting His First Child -

      […] beloved/hated media mogul Tyler Perry is expecting a child with Ethiopian eye candy Geila Bekele and, yes, everyone is confused. Because, […]

    • http://icecreammag.com/madea-gets-knocked-up-funniest-reactions-to-tyler-perry-expecting-his-first-child/ Madea Gets Knocked Up: Funniest Reactions To Tyler Perry Expecting His First Child | IceCream Magazine Tampa, Florida 813-374-5467

      […] beloved/hated media mogul Tyler Perry is expecting a child with Ethiopian eye candy Gelila Bekele and, yes, everyone is confused. […]

    blog comments powered by Disqus