I was sitting here conflicted with thoughts and needed some advice. I just recently married my husband and things have completely gone downhill.
His kids’ mother is the number one enemy in our life. Well, correction, she was and now all of a sudden she’s found God and wants to play nice. He constantly texts her and responds to messages from her, and not just messages pertaining to the kids either. She sends naked photos, as well as songs telling him to listen to them to try to make him miss her.
I am not sure why he responds to these messages to her nor do I think he feels like these things are inappropriate. He was once married to her and I thought he left the past in the past, but clearly maybe he has not. I don’t know too many REAL men who walk around still texting, calling, or talking to a messy ass ex-wife who does nothing but keep drama going, after dragging him through the mud with child support, the divorce, and even trying to keep his children from him, especially when you have a perfectly good wife at home.
The kids have their own cell phones and they also use his phone so the need for them to text is none in my opinion. Even the children know she flirts with him and they have asked her to stop because it’s pathetic. Am I looking too much into this situation? Do you think it’s respectful for him to continue to text and respond to flirtatious messages from his ex-wife? How would you stop this situation? Do you think he feels like he is only worth all the drama? – His Messy Ex-Wife
Dear Ms. His Messy Ex-Wife,
Whatever is going on, and whatever your husband is going through needs to end TUHDAY!
There is no reason he and his ex-wife should be sexting, sending photos, or love songs to one another, and especially she should not be doing any of these things with your husband. But, I’m gathering both of them are enjoying this attention, and they like this little game they have going on with one another. Otherwise, your husband would know it’s inappropriate and he would put her in her place and check her behavior.
So, are the photos and songs drudging up memories for him? Does he feel some type of way and have they not really resolved their issues? Why does he feel the need to constantly respond to her messages and texts? If it has nothing to do with the kids, and they are divorced, then why is she reaching out to him, and why is he responding? There doesn’t need to be any communication between them, photos, or love songs. If they are not talking about the kids, then there is no reason for her to be texting him and calling. And, he shouldn’t be entertaining her.
Therefore, you need to sit down with your husband and resolve this matter immediately. Let him know how you feel, why it bothers you, and how you won’t be disrespected in your own marriage. Tell him it’s not cute, nor is it appropriate for his ex-wife to be sending messages, naked photos, and songs to him. If he doesn’t see anything wrong with it, and he doesn’t find it inappropriate, then, I am quite sure he is feeding off her attention, and there are unresolved feelings, and the photos and songs are reminders of their time together. It’s obvious she hasn’t let him go, and she is doing everything to get his attention. She doesn’t want to be ignored. And, now that he is giving her the attention she wants, she is doing everything in her power to get her claws back into him. And, he’s falling for it. Nip this –ish in the bud right now.
All that ego stroking, and pandering to him is what she knows will get him and under his skin. She’s done it before when they were married, and he’s falling for the same game and ploy she used as a tactic when they were together. Whatever his ego needs, or whatever stroking he needs should not be coming from his ex-wife, but from you, and he needs to recognize that you are now his wife. You are the woman in his world, and she is his past, and she needs to remain as part of his past. What she is doing is disrespectful to you, your husband, the kids, and your marriage. It’s a good thing she found God, but that doesn’t give her new found spiritual enlightenment to infringe upon your marriage and try to reconcile with her ex-husband.
He needs to handle it. Put her in check. And, he seriously needs to let her know that he will not put up with it, nor will he allow her to disrespect you, his woman, his wife. You have to be adamant that this behavior will not be tolerated, and it will not continue. If he doesn’t handle it, then you will have to speak with her, and it won’t be pretty. You can do an initial talk with her woman to woman, and let her know that this has to stop, and she needs to let him go and move on. But, if this continues, then your next conversation with her won’t be so pretty. Give your husband the opportunity to handle it. And, make sure he knows how you feel, and what you won’t put up with or tolerate. Put your foot down, and don’t move or budge on how you feel or what your suspicions are. Happy home means a happy wife. – Terrance Dean
Photo source: Shuttershock
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