I have a two-year old daughter and her father is impossible to co-parent with.
My daughter used to go to his house (mind you, he lives with his mother and he is 27 years old) for a few days out of the week. I’ve allowed him to have her Monday-Friday until she came back with terrible bleeding diaper rash and diarrhea.
I found out that they were still feeding my two-year old baby food out of the jar instead of regular food. He was also leaving her in the care of his mother’s friend, an elderly woman, while he went to work. I went to pick my daughter up from her house and found my daughter asleep on an egg-carton mattress pad on the floor with a soiled diaper. When I asked why she hadn’t been changed the woman told me that there were no diapers in her diaper bag, but when I looked in the bag there were diapers. When I brought this up to her father he told me that I was being dramatic and that he didn’t have time for it.
We were together for 4 years prior to her being born, but I made the choice to end things and I’ve moved on. But, he constantly harasses me via text message, calling the police when it isn’t his weekend to have her to tell them that I am keeping him from seeing her, even though I have sole custody of her and I made the choice to limit how often she is with him because of all of those concerns. I just want my daughter to grow up in a stable environment and to be taken care of when she is not in my care. What do I do? – He Can’t Co-Parent
Dear Ms. He Can’t Co-Parent,
You were with this man for four years, and not once did it ever dawn on you that if you were to have a child with him he would not be a fit parent? Not once did it occur to you during your relationship that he was not a suitable and responsible adult who could care for a child, and who would go out of his way for the well-being of his child?
I swear these clues, insights, and glimpses are not impossible to notice. If your partner can’t take care of himself, then why do you think he can take care of another human being? He is 27 years old and lives with his mother. HELLO!?! If he can’t get an apartment, be an adult and take care of his responsibilities and take care of himself, then sweetie, why procreate with him? If he can’t pay his bills, or even do the minimal things of cleaning, cooking, and tending his own life, then why would you think he could take care of a child?
You women know these things, and you know these men are not capable or suitable partners whom you should be laying with and creating babies. He can’t take care of himself. He barely knows how to wash his own ass, but you want him to take care of your child. He can’t cook for himself, but you want him to feed your baby. What? McDonald’s. Or some other fast food. He doesn’t know you’re not supposed to feed a 2-year old baby food out of the jar, but that’s because he’s a child himself. If you told him to feed her table food, then, who do you think is going to cook it? He sure in the hell is not going to cook any food for her. SMDH!
Then, you want him to be responsible when he has his daughter during his visits and spend quality time with her, but he is too busy running the streets after work. If he was running the streets when you were with him, then why do you think he would stop because he has his child? His definition of quality time with his daughter is that she is at his momma’s house. He leaves her with his momma, and when she is tired and fed up, he leaves your child with a family friend. SMDH!
Therefore, I’m confused as to why are you mad at him when you knew all of this from the beginning. Why would you think he would be doing his fatherly duties and being the attentive parent? You know all of this. You know how he is, but you want to make him be something he is not, and will not ever be.
What you do is you document all of this. Take pictures when you go to pick up your daughter. Create a journal, file, and document all the pictures so when you go back to court and complain about his parenting skills, you will have proof. You don’t want to be in court arguing with him in front of the judge, and complaining about what he doesn’t do, but you have no proof. He is an unsuitable parent, and you should prove this in court. Therefore, they can arrange for supervised visits, and he won’t be able to leave your daughter with strangers. You won’t have to worry about your daughter being on an egg-mattress sleeping in a soiled diaper. You will not have to stress and fight with him over feeding your daughter table food instead of baby food from a jar.
To eliminate all this back and forth with him – document, document, document! He is petty and childish. He’s calling the police and wants to make you out to be the bad guy. Document, document, document all of this. Take it to court, give it to the judge, and let them know you want supervised visits with him. And, then you should consider looking at other arrangements with a daycare, or someone you trust with whom you can leave your child. He is not a fit parent. – Terrance Dean
Photo courtesy: Shuttershock
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