Nobody Cares About You Dating White Women

I’ve been writing (mostly mediocre) articles on these here Internets pretty much every day for the past six years. I’ve written hundreds of articles about anything from my favorite cereal to a pair of shoes I bought when I was 11. I’ve written thousands of words on professional wrestling and once wrote a magnum opus on “The Dougie.” Yet I’ve never been compelled to write about my experiences dating White women (or any women for that matter). Because, really, who cares?

For those interested or for those who haven’t read the many (many) agonizing articles about the process, here goes my analysis based on the handful of White women I dated: White women are women. The relationships weren’t great mostly because my dating history is full of bad experiences. There were awkward moments based on race and cultural differences (one ex’s cousin liked using the N-word and I’m sure another ex was just acting out some weird Mandingo fetish thing). But I definitely wouldn’t say my experiences dating White women created stories that were vastly more awkward or uncomfortable than the stories I have about dating any other women. Mostly the big takeaway I have from my dating life is that all women are cra-*loses signal*.

Where was I? Oh.

There’s no way I could find a thousand words to write about what dating a White woman did to my soul or what it meant for me as a Black man to date White women. My answer for why I’ve dated certain White women is pretty much the same for why I’ve dated any other women: “I liked her at the time and I wanted to be with her.” The end. And, really, that should probably the an approximation of most answers people give for why they date another human.

Yet there’s a whole genre of journalism and first-person essays based on Black men talking about their experiences dating White women. They’re long, in-depth analyses of the writers’ psyches and most usually provide reasons for why the Black men have been interested in dating White women in the first place. These types of articles are especially true for Black men who date White women exclusively. I hate to break it to them, but there’s no amount of rationalization that can balance the fact that dating any one specific group of people outside of your race exclusively is f*cking weird. White guys who only date Asians are weird. White women who only date Black men are weird. Black men who only date White women are weird. I don’t care how many private schools you went to or how many “Black women weren’t ever too interested in me” stories you have. It’s truly bizarre to only date one group that isn’t your own. And you need to talk to some specialist about it.

Yet here we are, thousands and thousands of think pieces into investigations of Black men and why they date White women. What happens when they date White women. And how dating White women makes them feel things. So many things. And it’s all bullsh*t. I hate to point out one writer but I have to mention this seemingly fan fictionalized tale of a Black man who started dating a White woman who was apparently “woke” that was on NYMag.com It features such tidbits as:

“…she asks me about my knowledge of essential oils. I nod at everything she says until we’re both naked and having sex slathered in coconut oil.”

Zero percent of actual humans start off bang sessions by quizzing other human beings on “essential oil knowledge.”

“So what do you do for work?” I ask, pulling back instinctively to just hold the tips of her fingers.

“Teaching, mostly,” she says. “Seventh-grade English,” she says. “But I also help them with their internalized racism.”

She doesn’t sound like a real person, and if she is then she sounds like the most fake woke pretentious person of all time. Also on a logistical level the fact they talked for weeks before he asked her this question just seems implausible.

The headline for the story is “Interracial Dating While Black, or How to Manage Your Girlfriend’s White Guilt,” but it’s really another tale of a Black man working through his own issues with dating a White woman, with a “wow some White people be WOKE, dog” glaze baked into the crust*. I know that sometimes it messes with a Black man’s mind to be involved with a White woman because of preconceived notions of what it means to maintain Blackness. I get it. I truly do. Hell, the first time I kissed a White woman, I went home convincing myself she just had to be mixed with some sort of something else. But hey, I was being an idiot and wasn’t really secure in myself enough to be okay with the fact I was dating a White woman. But that was more of a me problem than anything else. I got over it and dated a few more White women here and there through the course of my unspectacular pre-marital dating life. So I understand the psychoses that may come with interracial dating. But there some things we should probably just address with some sort of counselor before engaging in any relationship instead of flooding the Internet with bizarre examples of cognitive dissonance.

The problem is a lot of these discussions aren’t bringing anything new to the table. Yes, I get it some White people stare at you when you’re with your White bae. F*ck em. I know it sucks to deal with, but chances are they’re going to stare at you with or without a White woman and find some reason to stare at you because racism is always gonna racism. And I know you probably feel like Black women are judging you for bringing White women to Golden Corral with you (Spoiler: it’s most likely your own imagination, insecurity and Save The Last Dance reruns on TBS manifesting itself in the side eyes and neck rolls you think you’re seeing)(Also, it’s funny how these stories are usually written by men who just can’t help but throw Black women under a bus in some way)(Funny how that works). These are the same talking points we’ve heard for years. What else is new? What are you adding to the discussion? Or are you still trying to work out your own insecurities about whatever number of things are bothering you about your preference in women?

Here are a few reasons people should want to date other people in no particular order:

The other person is hot

The other person makes you laugh

You want to rub your privates on the other person

You can trust the other person

You really want to rub your privates on the other person

I dated White women because I liked those particular women. I dated Black women because I liked those particular women. I dated funny women because I liked those particular women. I dated liars because I liked those particular women. It’s a pretty simple process that can provide very mixed results. Or at least it should be.

If your reason for wanting to date another person requires two thousand words of socioeconomic justifications and reflections of befuddlement about your choice then there’s definitely cause for reevaluation. Race and discussions about cultural differences are always important discourses to maintain. And I’m sure there are issues interracial couples face every day that are worth investigating. But inner turmoil and cries for affirmation are wasting everyone’s time. I’d like to believe that most people in interracial relationships are well-adjusted people comfortable with their racial identities who just happen to be attracted to people of other races. And the obnoxious tales by people fetishizing their own dating habits are shortchanging stories that actually need to be told.

So when you crack open your laptop to want to write about why you choose to date White women and what it means. Don’t. Because nobody gives a sh*t.

*Aside: Stop treating “woke” White people like unicorns. Being aware of racism and its effects on subjugated people doesn’t make a White person some sort of deity. It makes them humans. Acknowledging that racism exists is literally the least they can do.