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DMX is opening up about the start of his longtime struggles with addiction.

10th Annual ONE Musicfest

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The people over at Uproxx shared an emotional clip from next week’s episode of People’s Party with Talib Kweli, where Kweli and Jasmin Leigh take a look at DMX’s issues with substance abuse.

“I learned that I had to deal with the things that hurt me,” DMX said. “I didn’t really have anybody to talk to… in the hood, nobody wants to hear that… Talking about your problems is viewed as a sign of weakness when actually it’s one of the bravest things you can do. One of the bravest things you can do is put it on the table, chop it up, and just let it out.”

X went on to share that his problems with drugs began when he was just 14 years old, saying that the person who introduced him to hip-hop also handed him a crack-laced blunt for the first time. Not only that, his mentor didn’t tell X exactly what he was smoking, which–understandably–traumatized the rapper.

“He passed the blunt around and… I hit the blunt,” DMX remembered in the interview. “I never felt like this before it fucked me up. I later found out that he laced the blunt with crack… Why would you do that to a child? He was like 30 and he knew I looked up to him. Why would you do that to someone who looks up to you?”

The rapper also recognized how that very moment set him on a path that would provide the framework for his music career, saying that he sees himself “blessed with a curse.”

“Thank you for helping me open that door because that’s actually the biggest problem, not addiction,” he said. “Drugs were never a problem, drugs were a symptom of a bigger problem. There were things I went through in my childhood where I just blocked it out. You never know when the things you stored away are going to come out and just fall all over the place… Let me open this door and start dealing with this shit right now before it comes out at the wrong time and I just have a meltdown… that’s what’s helped with addiction and sobriety.”

This full interview with DMX is set to drop on November 9 at 9 a.m. ET.

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