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Today in toxic masculinity…

Melo Ball's 16th Birthday

Source: Joshua Blanchard / Getty

Nobody really expects wise words to flow freely from LaVar Ball‘s stream-of-consciousness and the “advice” that he gave his sons recently is exactly why. According to TMZ, LaVar was recently the guest on Bro Bible’s “Endless Hustle” podcast and thought it prudent to tell his sons about their future love lives as they play professional sports, specifically, the NBA. Says the Big Baller Brand impresario, “If you’re in this profession, you got all this fame and notoriety — how are you going to meet a good girl? You’re not.” He continues, “So, I hate to tell you but you’re going to meet a hoe. Just how it goes, son.”

Oh, but there’s more! LaVar also imparted barbershop wisdom on his sons about dating women who are 30-years-old, saying “You gotta wonder why she’s by herself at 30.”

One might say to themselves, “Well, damn, LaVar, you were a baller at one point, definitely not in the NBA you weren’t THAT good, but you had dreams of being a rich athlete. Wouldn’t that make the boys’ mother a h-…?”

But like a misogynistic iPhone, LaVar, of course, has an app for that saying, “You’re not going to find nobody like I found your mom.”

Later on in the show, crazy LaVar recalled on his infamous feud with Donald Trump in 2017, saying that the Cheeto-In-Chief would have won reelection if he never came after his son LiAngelo Ball who was arrested for shoplifting in China that year.

“If he would’ve never act a fool, he’d still be president,” Ball explained. “I would’ve been there with him, I woulda helped him out. You wanna act crazy with the Big Baller, guess what happens? Anybody real crazy with me don’t last long. … anyone messed with Big Ballers in the long run, it’s not gonna work out for you. If Trump would’ve accepted my shoes and not actin’ a fool, he would still be president. Now he gotta go. Oh well.”

LiAngelo and two other basketball players from UCLA were caught red-handed stealing a pair of sunglasses from the Louis Vuitton store. The men were later released from their hotel room and sent back to ole U.S. of A after Trump settled a deal with President Xi Jinping. While the boys were grateful for the now-former president’s kind gesture, Lavar said he wasn’t having it. The former basketball player added that Trump even recently tried to contact him.

“I’m not accepting his call. When he’s down on his luck he wanna call a Big Baller and get back some love. I told him to call Lil’ Wayne or one of them rappers or something,” he said.

Ball’s youngest son LaMelo is expected to be a top pick in this year’s NBA Draft.

YOU can listen to the full episode HERE.

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