Elon Musk Demands Derek Chauvin Be Released From Prison

Elon Musk has officially decided that being a billionaire, tech CEO and professional internet nuisance qualifies him to rewrite the facts of one of the most consequential murder cases in modern American history.

Musk(y) took to X this week to declare that Derek Chauvin was “unjustly convicted of murder” and should be freed. Because apparently watching the same video everyone else watched somehow left Musk with a completely different understanding of what happened to George Floyd. Donald Trump’s favorite do-boy went on to insist that “the facts” show Chauvin was not responsible for Floyd’s death and never intended for anyone to die. He also declared that, whatever else Chauvin may be, “he is not a murderer.”

Not only that, but Sunken Place Pontificator Jason Whitlock also (naturally) chimed in.

Sir, you can buy a social media platform, an electric car company, and whatever else your digital wallet can hold. You cannot purchase a magical alternate version of reality.

As BOSSIP previously reported, Chauvin was convicted in 2021 after video showed him pressing his knee into Floyd’s neck while Floyd was handcuffed, face down, and repeatedly saying he could not breathe. Floyd died after approximately nine and a half minutes under Chauvin’s restraint. Chauvin is serving a 22 1/2-year state sentence for second-degree murder along with a concurrent 21-year federal sentence for violating Floyd’s civil rights.

Meanwhile, Chauvin is back in court trying, for the third time, to get his state conviction overturned. The Hill reports that his attorneys are now arguing that there were constitutional and procedural problems with the prosecution.

Chauvin’s attorneys wrote in the filing that Minnesota Gov. Tim Walz’s delegation of the case to Ellison was an “unlawful assignment of authority.”

“As a result of these several due process violations, including the failure to present the matter to a grand jury for a probable cause determination or even to convene one, both this Court and the District Court lack jurisdiction over the charges in the Amended Complaint on which he is currently incarcerated, and it must be dismissed immediately,” Chauvin’s legal team wrote in the filing.”

Previous attempts to overturn the conviction have already been rejected.

So naturally, Musk saw all of this and apparently thought, “You know what this case needs? My faux-expertise.”

This is the same Elon Musk who has spent years cultivating the image of a genius who can single-handedly solve humanity’s biggest problems, only to repeatedly demonstrate that having money does not necessarily come with the ability to recognize when you have absolutely no idea what you’re talking about.

Musk and Chauvin can go straight to h-e-double-hockey-sticks.