Dear Bossip: My Husband Is Just Plain Nasty & I'm Tired Of Cleaning Behind Him

Dear Bossip,

My husband and I got married 10 months ago. We have been together for three years going on four.

We both have well paying jobs, no kids yet, and he’s a great husband except – He’s the nastiest man ever!

Before we got married, we never spent more than two nights together. We bought a house and moved in together a week after our wedding day. Everything was great the first month going into the second and then things started getting worse. You can tell when my husband is going to take a shower because he takes off his clothes while walking to the bathroom. He literally leaves a trail. He leaves toothpaste all over the sink and never puts the cap back on. When he uses the bathroom at night, he’s still half sleep and leaves urine all on the toilet, IF it makes it there, and he never cleans it up. One day he decided he wanted to make me dinner, and it was good. I go in the kitchen and see dirty dishes all in the sink and it doesn’t take a lot to make chicken Alfredo. But, he told me to lay down and he would take care of it. I woke up the next morning and it was still there, so, of course I cleaned it up.

And, speaking of dishes…we do not have a garbage disposal and he puts plates WITH FOOD on them in the sink. Do you know how disgusting it is to clean wet food? That is only the half of it. I tried to talk to him, but he literally thinks I’m joking when I say he’s nasty. He expects for me to clean up everything and be fine with it and I’m not. How do I get him to understand this is a serious issue for me? I can’t even look at him without thinking what nasty thing he’s gonna do next. Please give me some advice on how to tell him to clean up after himself. – Married To A Slob

Dear Ms. Married To A Slob,

Ba-by! I know how you feel. I can’t stand folks who are nasty, and don’t clean behind themselves. I always say that you can tell how nasty someone is by looking in their bathroom or kitchen and seeing how dirty it is. You won’t catch me eating at someone’s house and they got dirty dishes piled up in the sink, food crumbs on the floor, grease stains on the stove, or garbage spilling out from the bin. Hell naw! And, no! I don’t want anything to drink. Where the hell did you dig up that glass with fingerprints all over it? Ugh!

Your husband is nasty and trifling. How the hell did you miss the signs before you got married and moved in together? I know you mentioned that you never spent more than two nights together before you got married. But, did you ever visit his home and go into his bathroom and kitchen? Chile, I know every woman is in her man’s bathroom and kitchen, so was he hiding his nasty –ish, or did you simply overlook them? Something is not right.

Anyway, you want him to change and start cleaning behind himself. Welp, good luck with that. He is not going to start cleaning because you want him to. He’s been like this for years, and was probably raised like that, so you trying to get him to change is not going to happen. And, unfortunately, he thinks it’s your job to clean up behind him. He said so, and you continue to do it. So, you set some boundaries, and give him some specific chores and duties he can handle around the house. Perhaps he cleans the bathroom, and you take care of the kitchen. Or, he cleans the bedroom and living room, and you handle the bathroom and kitchen. Split the duties and chores.

Also, to get him to be less disgusting and leaving a trail to the shower, why not put a laundry basket by the bathroom door or inside the bathroom. You can tell him to not cook for you, and he if feels so compelled, then simple easy meals in a bag or box is what he should handle. As far as that urinating on the set and on the floor, well, put some toilet seat protectors on the seat before you go to bed, also put down some mats around the toilet. And to really embarrass his a** put down newspaper. LMBAO! I’m sure he will feel really stupid. And, you can buy toothpaste that doesn’t have a cap. There are some that come in a tube with a flip back top. Ma’am, I’m simply suggesting that you’re going to have to get creative in this matter, and start thinking of ways it will be less of a hassle for him to leave his dirty a** trail.

I also think if you really want him to consider making some serious changes, then, let him know that you are thinking about hiring a maid. Yes, a maid. I’m sure when you tell him that you’re thinking of getting a maid and the costs associated with it that it will get him right together. Seriously, let him know that you are tired of having to complain and talk with him about not cleaning up behind himself, and that you work a full-time job and don’t want to have to come home to a dirty house and clean up behind a grown a** man. Yes, there are certain things you clean and do on a daily basis, or weekly basis that is necessary. However, him adding to the cleaning that you already do makes your work harder and more stressful. And, unless he can be more thoughtful, and more considerate about his nastiness, then, you are going on strike.

A maid coming in a few days out of the week will really help you, him, and your marriage. It will alleviate some of the stress and complaints you have. Therefore, you can focus on the small things he does, and work together on accomplishing the small goals of getting him to do simple things. Continue to communicate with him and express your desires to have a clean house, just as he does, but he has to work with you and not against you in the process. You are a team, a unit, and both of you are responsible to make the team work.

And, if you don’t want to clean, and you get tired of doing it, then stop picking up behind him, and stop cleaning. Let the house get dirty and nasty because of what he’s doing. And, in the meantime you use the guest bathroom. Act like he does, as if he doesn’t care, and since he thinks it’s a joke of how nasty it is, then give him a real good look at what he leaves behind. Let him see what he does and how nasty things get. Take pictures, film him while he’s leaving the mess, and capture it all so he can fully experience and see it. He can’t deny the evidence.

So, start getting creative in ways to keep the house clean, have him join in on the festivities with specific chores, and surprise him with naughty nice treats for his compliance in doing his part. You’ve got to train him and teach him, and this is going to take being one up on him. And, seriously consider the maid. Don’t let this stress you out because it will create stress and havoc in your marriage, and you will become unhappy, irritable, and angry toward him. And, it will create more drama, arguments, and an unhealthy living environment. – Terrance Dean