Dear Bossip: I'm Confused Why He Is Late Paying The Rent & Why I've Never Met His Child

Dear Bossip,

Let me start off by saying I love the unfiltered opinions you give to women, which is why I’m writing to you.

A little background: I’m a 26-year old college grad, with a job, my own place, own car, and no kids. He’s 32-years old, has a good city job as a corrections officer, and he has one kid. I have been with my man for a year and seven months. When we first got together everything was good, and a couple of months later he moved in with me.

He is in charge of paying the rent and I am to pay the utilities. For a while everything was great, but about one year later after living together I noticed he starts hanging with this other friend more often. And, then him and this other friend goes on vacation and then he comes back and has spent the rent money. He pays it late, and a month pasts and he does it again. I’m trying to figure out what he’s doing with his money. He doesn’t come with shopping bags and I know he pays child support, but it’s a certain amount so that’s not the case.

I tried to talk to him and asked if he needs help with his finances. He tells me no, but, yet in November he’s done it again for the third time. I’m tired of talking to him. He’s a grown man and he should know how to handle his finances, but I don’t know what he’s spending his money on that has him paying rent and bills late. I know he bets on games a little bit, but I don’t know if he’s losing all his money.

I don’t know what to do. I’m tired of talking to him, and when I ask about it he gets an attitude with me. I’m annoyed about it. I’m not desperate for a man, but we have a little history, so I’m not sure if this can be fixed or do I just need to let him go. Is there any way I can get through, or is he a lost case? When I met him he had his own apartment, so I know he knows how it is when it comes to rent.

Another issue I have is his son. He never brings him around. He always says he will, but then he doesn’t, so I get the idea he doesn’t want me around him, which also makes me think he doesn’t take our relationship serious. If he doesn’t, then why is he living with me wasting his time and mine? He doesn’t have it made because he pays rent and bills and it’s not like I’m cooking for him everyday acting like I’m a wife, when I’m not. I just don’t know, so please help me make a decision. – Sincerely Confused

Dear Ms. Sincerely Confused,

LMBAO! I can’t with you this morning. Your letter is so full of contradictions that it’s quite comical and sad. You don’t see the hypocrisy that you write about being in a relationship, yet, you’re independent and have all these things. HUH?!?

Prime example: At the beginning of your letter you list all your qualities, which include that you have your “own place.” Yet, you are living with a man. So, how is it your “own place?” And, then, you end your letter with “then, why is he living with me wasting his time and mine?” Yes, you are right, he is living with you. You are not in a relationship, you are roommates. Re-read your letter and you can see that you don’t have a relationship. You have a roommate with benefits. SMDH!

How is someone living with you, late on the rent, and, yet, when you bring it up they get an attitude? The hell!?!?! Your name is on the lease. Your credit is at risk. So, you’re willing to gamble your credit, and livelihood on some guy who can’t seem to get his finances in order? He is jeopardizing your financial credit, and it’s not worth it. You’re dating, well, you’re roommates with benefits. So, why is he really living with you?

I swear you folks need to do better, be better, and get better in picking quality mates. Know your mates history, including financial and sexual history. If they don’t have a major credit card, always late paying their bills, and other financial problems, then why would you move them in with you? Chile, you folks better be like the banks and other financial institutions when you partner with someone. Ask for their credit report, bank statements, and get a history of their payments and other outstanding debts. Know what you are inheriting before you move someone in your house. Because they will jack your credit and financial situation up, and you will be left holding the bag, with a 200 credit score, wondering what happened. No ma’am, not in my house!

I’m curious to know if you know who this other “friend” is that he has been hanging with? Especially considering that you they were not hanging out prior to the first year you were together, and you just started to notice him hanging with this friend. Also, who is this “friend” he went on a vacation with? And, why didn’t you go? Yeah, I understand he may want to go out of town with his boys, but, assuming the friend is one of his boys, I think any sensible woman in a committed relationship would be inquiring about the friend, and would be asking questions about where they are going, where are they staying, how long will they be going, and how is your man paying for this trip. Because trust and believe, if it’s around rent time, his a** will be paying the rent before he left to go out of town. The hell!

Now, your man has come back home from some vacation with his “friend,” (giving you and him the side eye), and he is having difficulty paying the rent. Well, he needs to pick up some extra shifts at his job, or get a part-time job. But, this is what happens when you don’t set boundaries from the beginning. You should have set this –ish up from the beginning: There will be no paying the rent late. All rent monies will be paid on time! No if, ands, or buts. After the first late payment, you will get a notice. The next, you will be asked to move. There won’t be a third time. No, no, no, no, no!

Finally, the reason you have not met his son, and you’ve been dating and living together for over a year, well, boo boo, you’re not serious to him. You’re not his woman. The relationship is not a relationship. You’re his roommate with benefits. Therefore, he is not going to introduce you to his son. A man will introduce his children to a woman, if and only if he is serious about a woman.

So, give him a 30-day notice, in writing, with a notary, and let him know that this isn’t working for you. The relationship has run its course, and you are not going to play house, roommates with benefits, and any other games he wants to play. Stop doubting yourself, second-guessing yourself, and giving him chances to redeem himself. He is showing you who he is. Believe him. He will be late on the rent, again. He will continue to spend his money outside of the house, and get behind on the bills because he is either giving his money to someone else, or he is not being forthcoming with what he is really doing with his money. And, you will never meet his son. Therefore, he is deceptive, and lying to you. And, when a man is hiding things from you, then trust and believe, there is a lot of things he is lying about, keeping from you, and hiding. And, I’m sure you don’t know him as well as you think you do. That man has some secrets, and because he doesn’t see your relationship as something that is serious, you will never know because he will never tell you. Get out of the relationship, end it today, and have him move out of your home. – Terrance Dean

Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below!

Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean: loveandrelationships@bossip.com

Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter: @terrancedean

“LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook, click  HERE!