Dear Bossip: My Husband’s Baby Momma Is Getting On My Nerves & Now She’s Sending Selfies

- By Bossip Staff

Dear Bossip,

How much can I take from my husband’s baby mama?First of all, I am from Africa where you are lucky if the baby daddy takes responsibilities, (Not saying African men are dead beat), but baby momma’s stay in their lane and move on with her life.

I live overseas where I met my husband, and we have been married for 5 years. We have a handsome 2 year old. My husband is American and when we first met he told me all about his baby momma. Actually, his whole family talked nothing good about her. He and her just had a fling and a month later she was pregnant. I say my stupid husband was trapped as she has 3 kids with different dead beat dads.

Anyway, regardless of how much he tried to make it work they were together from Thanksgiving and broken up by Christmas. It just didn’t work. My husband moved oversees as a contractor just to get away from the threats and constant bickering. Years afterward we got married. But, one day we woke up to threatening emails and hang up calls and voice messages. I was told she suffers from Bi-polar and other crazy stuff I didn’t understand, and she needed meds to calm down.

I thought, Well, hell what did I get myself into? She would say if we ever step foot in Arizona that she will gut us and spread our intestines on the streets. She said she would call my company and ruin my reputation (Bish, I am from Africa and you don’t know who I am. It was an empty threat though). She constantly asked my husband to give up his parental rights.

On her good days she will ask for money for her other kids who my husband does not mind helping with. She got my husband by the balls. If he doesn’t do what she wants then she will not let him see or speak to his daughter.  So, she say jump and my husband asks how high. I tried to tell my husband to go to court, but he hates confrontation especially since a child is involved. Plus, she is 13 years old now and that child is turning out just like her momma (sad).

Last year, my husband went to visit his daughter and his baby momma sat him down telling him not to tell anybody but she has an incurable disease and if should she die, then could he please help her kids. I think she was playing him because nothing adds up. She’s one of those types that put everything on Facebook. She parties the whole year drinking alcohol, so what happened to the disease?

My husband got so sympathetic and would check on her from time to time. But, things started to change when she would send pics of herself. I was quiet for months, but kept telling my husband to let her know it was inappropriate. But, of course he doesn’t want to hurt her feelings. Well, what about my feelings? He’s talking about she’s fragile and may start acting up again if I told her off.

I had enough when I found a selfie that she sent with a low cut dress on with all her boobs hanging out. I sent her a message and told her she looked nice, which was meant to be sarcastic and to let her know that me and my husband don’t have secrets, and that I see all my husband’s emails. She replied saying why is your wife replying to your emails, which threw me off.

It took me hours to calm down. Me and my mother-in-law are best friends and she was ready to go all out on her. But, there is a child involved and I had to bite my tongue a lot. So, I decided to email her first congratulating her older daughter, who has graduated. I also told her I think it would be nice if we have respect for each other and know our boundaries, and that the selfie was unnecessary.

The next reply broke my heart and I am wondering if I might have made the biggest mistake. She said lose her number and she doesn’t need child support (I don’t know how she will survive with a part-time job and 4 kids). Basically, -ish hit the fan. I hate to be blamed for the blowout, but I just wanted her to know it’s not okay to send a selfie, because today it’s a self, and tomorrow it may be nude pics. So, now we are just sitting by the computer waiting for bombs to drop. – Husband’s Baby Momma Drama

Dear Ms. Husband’s Baby Momma Drama,

It doesn’t matter where you go, or whatever part of the country, or world you try to hide from baby momma drama, it will always show up!

Your husband tried to run from his problem and responsibility years ago by moving to another country. However, he never rectified the drama from the beginning. She is his problem, not yours. If he would have took care of that situation and confronted her before he ran to another country, then, you wouldn’t be dealing with this –ish today. But, if you sleep with trifling low-down scandalous people, then you should be ready to deal with trifling low-down scandalous drama.

So, your husband has to step up, be a man, and deal with this situation head on. He has to put her in her place, let her know how things are going to proceed moving further, and stop being her puppet. He’s over there talking about he doesn’t want to go to court because he doesn’t like confrontations. So, he is just bending and jumping to her demands and dealing with all this drama and bringing it to your home? No ma’am! You and your husband need to sit down, and you let him know he has to deal with this and stop running from his responsibility and this problem.

He keeps running, and hoping and wishing she will go away. But, she is not going anywhere. Your husband ran to another country trying to avoid her, but, as you can see, drama has no boundaries. It goes wherever you go. If you don’t deal with your problems, situations, and dramas, they will just follow you wherever you go. He needs to deal with this head on and stop being a little boy and running from his adult responsibilities. And, more importantly, because he keeps entertaining her, then she is going to keep showing her a** and pulling these stunts and shows.

Should she be sending your husband inappropriate selfies? No! And, I agree that if she is sending selfies today, then, tomorrow she will be sending nudes. So, I don’t blame you for responding and confronting her about the inappropriate pictures, and letting her know that there are boundaries, and she needs to know her place. However, your husband is going to have to address these childish antics, and temper tantrums she throws at him. And, he has to stop letting her making him feel guilty. It’s obvious she is filled with drama and resentment, and she obviously doesn’t mind acting like a damn fool. So, he needs to man up, confront her, tell her what is going to happen, how it’s going to happen, and why it’s going to happen. She needs to respect you, his marriage, and his home.

He needs to let her know that she doesn’t need to contact him unless it has something to do with his daughter. There can be no communication about your household, your family, and what he’s doing. She doesn’t need to send selfies, and he is not interested in pictures of her. The only pictures she should be sending are pictures of his daughter.

Ma’am, I understand your investment in this situation, but he needs to handle this and take care of it. You are too invested in it, and it is running your life. You have so much detailed information in your letter about this woman, but, if you notice the majority of it is dealing with your anger, upset, and frustration over his baby momma. You are taking over the drama and stress. You should be telling your husband to deal with it, and nip this –ish in the bud today! He created this situation, therefore, he needs to take care of it.

She is going to keep throwing temper tantrums, and acting out. She is nothing but a drama queen. She lives for the drama and making his life miserable. Misery loves company. As long as he keeps entertaining her, then she is not going to stop. Once you stop entertaining the clown, and the clown has no audience, then she will redirect her energies elsewhere. You and he need to get on the same page, and determine between you that he will take care of this situation and stop running from it. He can’t keep hiding and hoping she will go away. He needs to confront her and stop being scared. This is affecting your marriage, and if he doesn’t want an unhappy wife at home, then he better step up and deal with his responsibilities today. – Terrance Dean

Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below!

Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Deanloveandrelationships@bossip.com

Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter: @terrancedean “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook, click  HERE!

Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!
     

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