Dear Bossip: I Slept With My Step-Son & Now His Brother Has Propositioned Me

Dear Bossip,

My name is “Julia” and I’ve been married to my husband for 15 years. I’m 35 and “Bob” is 52 years old.

Our marriage started out perfect, despite my parents and his family’s objections because of the 17 year age difference, and the fact that his children from a previous marriage are right around my age. He has 3 children “Dean” 36, “Cale” 33, and Hannah “28”. However, me and Bob went on to have 5 more beautiful and healthy children aged 4 to 14 years old.

I’m a stay at home mom and my husband is always gone, and I mean always gone. He never spends times with me or our children and things started to hit rock bottom when he became emotionally abusive. He would be gone all day and come home smelling like booze. I begged him to go to counseling and after 3 attempts I just gave up. He would belittle me constantly and even in front of friends and family. I got to the point where I loved him, but I hated him at the same time. I just didn’t want to leave because who would want a divorcee with 5 kids and no job history.

“Cale,” his son, was going through a rough divorce and my husband decided that he and his son would move in with us. I wasn’t thrilled by this, but ironically enough Cale was a lot more help then Bob. He would help clean and look after the children. He would cook and just be so attentive. I never really got along with his sons before, so this was different and I liked it. One day, I was coming out of the shower and I was running to my room to get dressed and Cale saw and he said, “Wow! My dad is an idiot to never be home.” I blushed and that was it. We started hanging out more over the next 2 months and one day over dinner he kissed me.

My husband hadn’t been paying attention to me and I know it was wrong, but I liked it. I pushed him away, but he grabbed me and kept kissing me. My knees buckled and I just knew he was the one. In a strange fate I just knew it. I never had that feeling for my husband EVERRRRR! I kept telling myself I’m wrong, but I can’t help it. That night we had Amazinggggggg sex! We continued this relationship for another 4 months. We would sneak and have sex. One time my 4 year old almost caught us and I promised to stop, and every time Cale would tell me how he loved me and wanted me to divorce Bob. He even told me Bob was cheating on me all along and that what we were doing was okay. I was so stupid to fall for it.

Cale ended up moving out and our sex continued, and then it suddenly stopped after 3 months. I started to blow up his phone and I would get no answer. I found out that he had a girlfriend and he was with her all along, and that’s why his wife divorced him. I was dumbfounded. I felt used and betrayed. I couldn’t believe I would do this to my husband and that I loved him dearly and I would give anything to make this work.

A month goes by and we all link up at a wedding. I saw Cale with his girlfriend and I immediately started crying. Dean, Bob’s other son, saw me and pulled me to the side, and this is when I knew my luck ran out. He whispered in my ear if I wanted to “F**k”? I said, hell no! Then, he told me if I could do it with Cale then I could do it with him, and, that if I didn’t have sex with him he would tell his father the truth.

I don’t know what to do? How could I tell this man I cheated and with his son? How could I have destroyed our family? He would not only hate me, but hate his son. This is all my fault. I also found out I’m pregnant and I know for a fact it’s Cale’s. I just want to get an abortion and be done with it all, but I still love my husband. You think through counseling he could forgive me? – Mrs. Step Mom

Dear Mrs. Step Mom,

This. Letter. Right. Here! Ma’am! Talk about some gutter low down trifling in-family –ish! SMDH! I need a heavy hand with the Vodka in my morning coffee!

Cale is a dog. He’s morally empty. He’s the spawn of evil. He would sleep with his own father’s wife. Something in him is so inept that he was able to move into in his own father’s house and have sex with his stepmother, and continue a relationship. That is trifling. And, you went along with all of this. So, what does this say about you?

I’m curious as to why didn’t you think to get into marriage counseling earlier, especially when you realized you were no longer attracted to your husband, he was staying away from home, he was emotionally abusive, and he was coming home smelling like alcohol? Why not then? Your marriage was in trouble way before Cale came into the picture.

As a matter of fact, if your marriage was in trouble, and it continued to decline, why not just leave? You tried to rationalize your decision to stay due to you being a mother with five kids and no one wanting to you. Well, how about working on yourself, getting your trouble out of an unhealthy situation, and simply focus on you and your children? Why were you thinking of getting into another relationship instead of finding a way and means to support yourself and children? There are plenty of women who are raising children alone, and have healthy relationships and a dating life.

Hell, being smart about the situation, you would have devised a plan, and gotten a job, started saving money, and then divorced your husband and got alimony, and put him out of the house. You would have gotten child support for your children, and you could have got into therapy to work on you and replenished your spirit and soul.

Instead, you slept with your stepson. You continued this relationship for several months. And, once it ended you say that you felt used and betrayed because he was with his girlfriend all along, and this was the reason that his wife left and divorced him. Hmmmm, sounds familiar?

But, how can you say you felt used and betrayed? You voluntarily laid with your stepson. You continued to cheat for months, and had no qualms about it and what this would do to your husband, or your family. You were willingly having sex with your stepson, your husband’s son, and you say you felt betrayed and used because he had a girlfriend all along? Girl, please stop!

You were lonely, and you were miserable. Your husband was denying you, and he was unavailable to you emotionally, mentally, and physically. You didn’t feel desirable. So, when Cale showed you some affection, and some attention your judgment failed you.

I’m curious to know that once Cale moved out and you started blowing up his phone, were you hoping the relationship would continue? Were you thinking you and he would continue having sex and your husband would never find out or discover the truth? Were you going to divorce Bob, and you run off with Cale? Really, what did you expect to happen? What was your plan?

Now, you’re caught because Cale told his brother Dean, and now Dean wants to have sex with you. If you don’t, then he is going to tell your father the truth. Well, I mean, why wouldn’t Cale tell his brother? They are family, and you are their stepmom. You married their father late in life, and they were already adults. They were not children when you came into their life. They have a bond, and as brothers, I’m sure there is a lot more to their relationship than you know. And, now you are caught because Cale chose family over you, and some a**.

If you are afraid of what to do, then, I guess it’s time to get to confessing, and you start owning your –ish, your role, and your responsibility in the demise of your marriage, and what this will do to your family. Your marriage is already over, and there is nothing you can do to save it. When it was in trouble before you did nothing, so why do you want to save it now? You have crossed the line. You slept with his son, not once, but had a full-fledge affair in your house. And, you had sex with your stepson in your bed that you share with your husband! Ma’am, do you honestly think your husband would want to go to counseling to save this marriage after what you and his son have done to him and your family? You can’t fix this.

I recommend that you start figuring out what to do for your children, especially the teenager, because this is going to destroy them. They are going to find out the truth, particularly when other family members learn of what happened. If Cale told Dean, then I am sure Dean told their sister. And, once you implicate Cale he is going to turn it on you. It will get ugly, and vengeful. Your husband will tell his family, and they will all resent you for what you’ve done, especially if both of your family’s had objections to you getting married, they will revel in what they tried to warn you both about before you got married.

Be ready for the fallout, and repercussions that will take place from this. Admit your role and responsibility in cheating. You were wrong. Admit what you did, and why you did it. Your husband has already left you, and this will only solidify him divorcing you. I also recommend that you get into personal counseling to get to the root of what you’ve done, why you did it, and what were you hoping to get out of this. Work on healing yourself, and getting yourself together for yourself and children. You are going to have to explain this to them as they get older, and you will have to relive this moment over and over again. Find spiritual help as well. You are spiritually deplete and empty. You have to do a lot of internal work because I don’t what would possess a woman to sleep and have sex with her own stepson. Something in you had to be morally and ethically wrong prior to all of this. – Terrance Dean

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