Dear Bossip: He Disappeared For A Year & He Came Back

Dear Bossip,

I am 22 years old, college educated, and have been in a relationship for 3 years, on and off.

Me and my boyfriend met online and the first 3 months of our relationship were amazing. The chemistry between us was on point, and we even waited 3 months before having sex. Our conversations were great sometimes lasting hours. But, one day we completely stop talking for almost a year. No phone call, text, nothing. So, I started dating someone else.

Then, I get a random phone call from him and he wanted to get back together. He told me that he disappeared because he was dealing with family problems. Honestly, my intuition tells me it was more to the story, but I left it alone and we started dating again. Ever since then our relationship has been hell. Right off the back he wanted to start where we left off, but I felt we needed to start over and get back comfortable with each other.

Long story short, we had sex with each other for the first time within a week of getting back together. Although, the sex is good, everything else became worst. Our conversations were becoming shortened and only to be based on sex. We can’t even hold a conversation more than 3 minutes. He borrowed money from me and still has not paid it back. Every time I bring it up we get in an argument and break up.

But, the biggest red flag is that he wants to have unprotected sex. He continuously asks me, and he even pulled the condom off during sex. Since then we broke up and I moved to a different state. I recently moved back and we got back together. Now, he tells me that he loves me, etc. I have never met anyone in his family. I have told him repeatedly I am not having unprotected sex with him, and I am not in love with him. Truthfully, I know I need to get rid of him and go on about my business, but I keep thinking things will get better. Please help. – He Won’t Leave

Dear Ms. He Won’t Leave,

So, after three attempts at this relationship you’re still grappling over whether or not things will get better? Seriously?!? Three attempts of going back and forth with him and dealing with the same madness and same –ish, yet, you can’t see that things will never get better, and that he will never change?

SMDH! Again, class, what’s the definition of crazy? Doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting a different result.

It’s obvious you don’t want to get rid of him, and you enjoy this drama because no sensible intelligent smart woman would even entertain someone like this. If you don’t want to be bothered then block his number, block his emails, and block him from your social media. Don’t answer his letters, calls, texts, or smoke signals. Simple as that. Be done with him and move on. But, you like the attention. You like that he’s running after you. Seriously, ain’t nobody got time for any of this foolishness BECAUSE IT AIN’T WORTH IT!

I don’t know what dusty rundown farm or isolated island you folks live on, but this –ish has got to stop. Who the hell is in a committed relationship with someone who just up and disappears for a year with no call, no text, no email, no nothing, and when they reach back out to you, you have no questions, no interrogation, no “Where the hell you been? And, why did you just up and leave?” But, they give you some lame a** excuse that they had family problems, and YOUR a** gets back into a relationship with them? HUH!?!?!

But, it all makes sense to me, because within a week of getting back together you have sex with him, and you’re talking about how good it is. That’s what’s really the tea-he-he-he-he-he-he. You missed the sex.

Therefore, instead of being honest with yourself, and with him, you get back into a relationship with this man who just up and left you without any hesitation, and no form of communication. Instead of rationalizing the situation, and saying to yourself, “This fool just disappeared for an entire year without even reaching out to me. He just left me. Dumped me. Why would I even entertain the idea or the thought of jumping back into something so serious with him? He had no problem leaving me then, so, he can do it again. And, I don’t know where he’s been, what’s he’s been doing, and who he’s been doing it with. Therefore, my rational thinking mind, hell to the MF’ing naw will I get back with this damn fool!” THE END!

Now, he wants to have unprotected sex with you, and even though you insist on not doing so, he figures he will wear you down and eventually you will give in. First of all, why the hell is he so adamant about having unprotected sex? And, why is he pushing this issue? You’ll be a damn fool to even consider having raw sex with this man. He left you for a year without even saying a word. Who knows what or who he’s been screwing raw, and now he figures he can just sashay his way back into your life and you just lay down with him without a condom? I swear some of these men are just dumb birds themselves.

You need to get rid of this fool. Quick, fast and in a hurry. Nothing good will ever come of this relationship. Never. Ever. Ever. Ever. He is so quick to have unprotected sex with you, which means he doesn’t have enough respect for his own health and well-being, because, hell, he doesn’t even know who you’ve been sleeping with, and what you’ve been doing. And, why not insist you and he get tested for ALL STDs, since he is so adamant about having unprotected sex.

Then, this fool had the nerve to borrow some money, but gets mad when you ask for your money back! I can’t! See, this is the very reason why you should never, ever loan money to family, friends, loved ones, or your partners. Don’t loan it to them, just give it to them because it will cause all types of strife in your relationships. And, that is exactly why you keep arguing with him over money he owes you. He gets upset and mad because he owes you money and you’re asking for him to return it. THE HELL!

You should have politely said to him, “Will Bank of America give you a loan? Will Chase give you a loan? Will Wells Fargo give you a loan? If they won’t lend you money, then I’m surely not going to give you my hard-earned money. I am not a bank, nor a lending institution. Sorry.”

Love and respect yourself enough to know that you don’t deserve the treatment and disrespect he is displaying to you. Love and honor yourself enough to know that your body is your temple, and you have to protect yourself regardless of what man tells you he loves you, but he is able to up and walk out of your life as if nothing ever happened for an entire year. You are not a revolving door. You are a not a doormat. So, stop letting him treat you like one.

Look, ma’am, you’ve been down this road several times. It’s not working, will never working, and hasn’t worked. It’s time to throw in the towel, let it be over for good, and move on with your life. Why do you keep allowing him entrée into your life? Yes, you want the sex because it’s good, but HIS sex will be detrimental to your health and well-being because he doesn’t want to use a condom. Therefore, is it worth it, HELL NO! The drama, stress, aggravation he is bringing into your life is tired, and on repeat. Stop playing this same sad story over and over again, and create a new story with a new guy. He doesn’t love you or respect you because if he did he would honor your requests, listen to you, and not try to use you and take advantage of you. – Terrance Dean

Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean:  loveandrelationships@bossip.com Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter: @terrancedean and “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook, click  HERE!

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