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Dear Bossip,

I have a serious issue facing me right now. I am a 25 year old full-time student in college.

I have a loving boyfriend who takes care of me. He pays the bills, cooks, etc. because I come from a poor family. Recently, we have started arguing a lot because he has changed a lot in respect to the things he used to do for me, and it has become worse within last month.

I am in dire need of your advice as I don’t know what to do. I have spoken to my friends about this, but I look crazy when I confront him about the issue. He works and I am mostly home and at school so I worry a lot about where he is and what he’s doing.

Okay, recently he has begun spending a lot of time with his female cousin that he has recently started talking to. He introduced us and we hung out a couple of times, who by the way is recently single, and I find their behavior to be a bit strange.

For example, he finds time to pick her up every day after work, drop her home, makes sure she’s okay, call and check up on her etc.  But, what has really pissed me off is that he does not call me, and he doesn’t answer or return my calls when he is with her. One time he tried to return my call and I didn’t answer and he mistakenly left a voicemail on my phone with the two of them chatting and he asked her where she wanted to go, etc.

When I confronted him about not answering his phone he told me that he did not get the missed call, and when I asked him who he was with he swore to the very end that he was by himself. I got angry cussed him out and produced my evidence of the voicemail. He admitted he was with his cousin, but it was like he was by himself as she is family and I’m overreacting and insecure and he didn’t want to hear old talk. Basically, he accused me of being overly jealous, selfish, and not trusting him around any females including his family.

I felt bad and he reassured me how much he loved me and we made up. But, the latest scenario has got me thinking of breaking up with him and moving on because it is hurting me.

He promised to pick me up from school because I had to stay late. Earlier in the day he told me he was picking her up from work. When it was time to pick me up I called his phone and left messages plenty of times and I got no response. I then had to walk home in the rain by myself because he had not answered his phone. When he called back a half an hour later, he asked me if I was finished. I was hysterical and asked him where he was. He said he was chilling with his cousin and that I was overreacting with him. I heard her talking in the background and he said he had to go and he hung up on me.

About a hour later he came home and we fought and I broke up with him because when I expressed my feelings about the situation and he did not take me seriously and he said I was accusing him of being with his cousin.

I am frustrated because I look like I am sick in the mind and do not trust him. But, what grown a** man wants to spend quality time with his cousin, chatting, and laughing by themselves in her apartment?  Why does he forget about me when he is around her, and not answer my calls, doesn’t return my calls, and lies to me and hides from me when he is with her. I am the one looking crazy because she is family and I should be more patient, but I find their behavior strange.  I need to make it very clear that I am not accusing them of doing anything behind my back, but I find their behavior a bit strange and disrespectful to me because it is the principle of the matter, because after all they are of the opposite sex, and they should not be alone with each other like that.

Bossip family, please help me out and let me know if I am sick in the mind or if they are disrespecting me with their behavior. – Family Love

Dear Ms. Family Love,

Do women still fall for that line from their man about the other woman being his cousin? Do women still believe their man despite never ever meeting this female cousin until recently, and he’s never spoken of her, she is never at any of the family gatherings, and they are spending an abundant amount of time together, but he continues to ensure you they are cousins and she’s family?

Uhm, ma’am, they are not cousins. That is his new woman, and he’s cheating on you. They are having an affair right in front of your face, and you’re falling for it. He is playing you and you are the pawn who believes the game.

So, if they are cousins, then ask him for some old photos of her and her family, and see if any of them include him and his family in the picture. Better yet, go to his momma’s house and ask her if she is family. Put an end to all of this right now!

What man picks up his female cousin from work every day, drives her around, they hang out at her place, and he is always answering her calls, checking in on her, yet, he can’t answer your calls, or return the calls, and he is not checking in on you, and making sure you’re okay. What man will make arrangements to pick his girlfriend from school, but leaves her at school to walk home in the rain, and then calls after he was scheduled to pick her up to see if she is ready because he was with his female cousin hanging out with her at her house? Oh, I will tell you, the same man who is spending time with his other girlfriend, and forgot all about you!

Unfortunately, you are being played like a fool. He is playing on your emotions and the fact that he is paying all the bills at home. He has set you up to believe anything he tells you because he has made you comfortable in being with him, and accepting his lies and bull-ish. He has created a trust with you because you come from a poor family, and he’s told you lies and made you believe them. He’s led you to believe that he will always be there for you and that you don’t have to do anything or worry about anything because he will take care of you. So, all you need to do is focus on school.

Lies, lies, lies.

He has made it that you are reliant upon him. You can’t go anywhere because he knows you have nowhere to go. Do you return back to your family? He knows you don’t want to return there. You can’t move out because you don’t have a job to get a new apartment, and he knows this. So, he plays on your emotions, your feelings, and your dependency on him.

Ladies, this is the prime reason why you should never allow yourself to be dependent on a man, regardless of how comfortable he makes you feel. I don’t care how he has you set up in the home, and he’s paying all the bills. Never ever allow yourself to be in a situation where you have no income coming in, no way to move out, and no place to go.

You need an exit plan. You need to get out of this relationship. And, you need to learn how to be independent.

Once you verify if this woman is his cousin, regardless if she is or not, get out of the relationship. He has shown you on several occasions that he doesn’t respect you. This fool had you walking home in the rain after he knew he was supposed to pick you up from school, but he was hanging out with his cousin. And, then he didn’t even pick up his phone when you were calling him. No ma’am! Cousin or no cousin, you are his first priority. You are his number one. If he is treating you like some side chick, some random woman, and not like the main lady in his life, then please know he is cheating on you, and he has moved on and is biding his time with you.

Why is he still lying to you instead of telling you the truth and being honest? Why play games and continue this charade if he doesn’t want to be with you? It’s because he is weak, slimy, gutter, low down, and a liar. He can’t even be man enough to tell you the truth. He’d rather lie, live in the lie, and keep building on the lie.

Girl, move on. Stop playing into this dumb a** game when you really know the truth. You know what’s going on, so stop deceiving yourself. As much as you may want to believe him and that she is his cousin. She is not. Get out of the relationship, go back home, and find a way to get a part-time job while you continue school. Earn your own money, and start paying your own way. Don’t ever put yourself in this situation again where you are letting a man take care of you and you don’t have any financial resources if –ish hits the fan. It’s time to be smart, and be on your game. Now, pack your things and get out of this relationship. – Terrance Dean

Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean:  loveandrelationships@bossip.com  Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter:  @terrancedean and “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook, click HERE!

Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!

      

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