Dear Bossip: His Ex Is In Another State & I Think He Still Loves Her

- By Bossip Staff

Dear Bossip,

I have been dating this guy for 6 months and things have been going great.

He does stuff for me and my kids and we go out and he has been a real gentleman, but I think he is still in love with his ex.

They were in a long distance relationship, and I know he doesn’t see her, but I can’t help but be worried. I guess I don’t trust him.

One day he was in the shower and I went through his phone. I saw where she sent him nudes and he responded with, “Yum.”  I also saw where he would call her and text her just to see how she was doing. In his text he was very flirty. He said even though they broke up 3 months ago, they are friends and he cares about her well-being and just wanted to make sure that she is okay. I say bull-ish!

Why does he even need to talk to her? They don’t have kids or even any friends in common. They also live in different cities. Recently, he texted her and said he was tempted to fly her out to see him, but he was worried her new man wouldn’t like it. He even Faced-Time her on Valentine’s Day. I barely got a call!

I saw where they still send each other messages on Facebook and they follow each other on social media. He hasn’t even taken the pics of them together off his Instagram. I confronted him and he told me that I shouldn’t be worried about her because we are together and she is his past. I love him, but I’m not sure if I can still do this. He is a good guy, but I want his ex out the picture so we can be together and be happy. – I Want Her Gone

Dear Ms. I Want Her Gone,

She is not going anywhere!

He is not over her. He is still pining for her, and if she would have told him to fly her out to see him, there is no doubt in my mind that he would. They are not over one another.

You are the rebound chick! You are the next chick to the ex chick. His heart, emotions, and mind are with his ex, and that is where he would rather be. You are something to do until, well, he finds someone else, or they get back together.

I want to be very clear about something also – You do not have a relationship with him. If you are snooping through his phone, checking his messages and texts, and you’re trolling his social media accounts, and clocking his moves with his ex, then why be in a relationship? If you don’t trust him, then why stay? If he is texting his ex, she’s sending him nudes, he’s talking about flying her to see him, they are sending each other messages on Facebook, and he still has their photos of them together on Instagram, sweetie, your man loves his ex. He is hoping they will reconnect. And, hold up, you say he Faced Time with her on Valentine’s Day, and you barely got a call, uhm, let’s be very clear – He doesn’t have the same feelings you may have for him. He is not into you as you are into him.

As much as you may want her out of the picture so that you and he can be happy, that is not going to happen. You’ve been in a relationship for six months. He broke up with his ex three months ago. Now, according to your letter, and if I am doing my calculations correctly, either you were dating him at the same time of his ex, OR, you hooked up with him three months after he ended his relationship. Regardless, he was barely out of his relationship, and now you and he are in a so-called relationship. Uhm, ma’am, he hasn’t had the time to let go, heal, and completely let her go. He is telling you that he is calling and checking in on her to make sure she is okay. WTF!!! Why does he need to check in on her?

Then, he tells you that you shouldn’t have to worry about anything because she lives in another state and she is his past. How the hell is she his past and they just broke up not too long ago? The past! It hasn’t been even a damn year, and he’s still reaching out to her and checking in on her. Uhm, no ma’am! Girl, you can be a damn fool if you want to, but he is just filling your head with BS and lies. He is telling you what you need and want to hear. You are just some new p***y, and you’re local and convenient.

You can stay if you want, but just know that he is not going to stop communicating with his ex. He is not going to take down the photos of them together from his Instagram, and they will continue sending each other messages on Facebook. He won’t admit it to you, but he is in love with his ex. You are just the rebound chick he is using to make her jealous. Trust and believe, if she wants to get back with him, he will drop you and tell her that he never loved you or card anything about you. Therefore, you have all the evidence and ammunition you need to make a move. You’ve confronted him, but he didn’t make any changes, and neither did he say he would stop communicating with her. You know what to do. – Terrance Dean

Photo courtesy: Shuttershock

Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean:  loveandrelationships@bossip.com  Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter:  @terrancedean and “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook, click HERE!

Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!

    

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