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Dear Bossip,

My name is “Tony” and I reside in Illinois. I have been exclusively dating this woman off and on since 2011.

We first met online by me seeing her profile. I thought she was cute so I made the first move and messaged her. She responded to me and we would have casual conversation. We exchanged numbers and became chatting over the phone. She’s 5 feet brown skinned, and was 30 at the time, which I liked because she is older than me by a few years.

We started hanging out a lot because even though we were talking to other people we had chemistry and loved each other’s company. She had no kids and neither did I. She was educated and was independent. She has a great relationship with her parents, who are both married, and she is a family-oriented woman and spiritual.

We decided to be exclusive and we fell in love with one another. Everything was great and going well until 2013. I travel a lot due to my career, which requires me to be gone for weeks at a time. She began to get frustrated with me because of my busy schedule. One night over the phone she told me she went out on a date with another guy but nothing happen. I forgave her and continued to date her. Then, she told me she cheated on me with 2 different guys, one was her ex who I found out she kept in contact with, but only for her to tell me later on that year she was lying about it.

We had a real rocky 2014 because we kept breaking up, but making up as well. One time, on our break, she sent me love songs saying she missed and loved me. Then, she sent me another message saying she was seeing someone. I called her and she had told me that they had been friends for years and that him and her were messing around. He was with someone, but that she only hooked up with him because she wanted to get over me. She said he would give her money when she needed some, bring her lunch on her break at work, and he even would visit her home. She said they went places together. She also said she begged him to stay with her after he would leave her alone for talking about me so much, but that she only did that to be alone.

The biggest blow was when she said she had feelings for him and told him she loved him. I was angry, but more hurt because she said it was happening for almost a year. When I asked her was she seeing someone behind my back she lied to me, but told me she lied to protect my feelings. I forgave her and she promised to cut him off. Things were going well until one night someone tried to break in her home. I called her to see if she was cool because I was out of town and she seemed upset. I called her three days straight to check up on her and she said she was fine.

Later on that month she went out of town. She stopped answering my calls and she wasn’t responding to my messages. I felt that was odd. For 3 weeks she ignored me until one day she answered the phone telling me to stop calling her. When I asked what was the issue she started to cry. I asked her again what was wrong and she said there was nothing I could do about it. A cold chill ran down my spine. I asked her was she pregnant and she said nothing until I said you are and then she admitted she was by him. She said they messed around when someone tried to break in her home. She said she was scared and had no one around so he came over and they had sex.

I hung up and broke down in tears because the woman I was in love with, the woman who once asked me to marry her, and the woman who told me she wanted her first child to be by me was pregnant y another man. She found out she was pregnant when she was in pain and admitted herself into the hospital. She said she was gonna tell me eventually. When she told him the news he wanted her to get an abortion because he already had kids and couldn’t afford another one and that they were never together. He keeps offering her abortion money, but her body can’t handle abortions.

Now, she hits me up everyday to be there for her. She tells me how she is sorry, but is still in love with me and she is also keeping the baby. She wants me to be the father and keeps telling me she has no one. She always says we need you referring to her and the baby. I am hurt, but I love her. I need some advice. – Confused Over Her

Dear Mr. Confused Over Her,

Wait a minute. Hold up! Let me get this straight – Your girlfriend has cheated on you with four different men that you know of, and she is pregnant by one of them, and she wants you to be the father of the child? At one time she disappeared and went out of town, and you hadn’t heard from her in three weeks, and when she finally answered she told you to stop calling her. She tells you that she has feelings for another man. She’s lied to you about seeing someone behind your back, and this wasn’t the first time she lied to you about seeing another man. And, you are confused on what to do?

Boy, stop! You may have been in an exclusive relationship with her, but she wasn’t in an exclusive relationship with you!

Re-read your letter, look at the pattern of your girlfriend’s behavior, and ask yourself if you have a girlfriend, or if you’re dating community p***y. Not once in your letter did you share anything positive about the relationship. It’s been downhill since you’ve met her. Yes, she may have some great qualities you spelled out in the beginning of your letter, but her behavior doesn’t seem to be consistent with those qualities.

Check it – You travel for your career. She knows this. Ironically, the moment you leave town for a few weeks she is out on a date with another guy. Now, sir, if she goes out with another guy while you are out of town this means she had to have been communicating with him prior to you leaving town. Therefore, she’s always been seeing other men behind your back. That is why I stated your girlfriend cheated on you with four different men THAT YOU KNOW OF. What about the other men she is not telling you about? (Sips tea)

She cheated with an ex. Then, she dated two other guys. And, now she is pregnant by another guy she started seeing when you were supposedly on break. Again, pay attention to the pattern. She is dating all these guys while you’re together, or separated. Isn’t if funny that she finds the time to meet men so quickly and go out on dates? It’s because she’s been communicating with them since you’ve been with her. You think you’re in a monogamous relationship, but you’re not. She is seeing and communicating with guys, and it seems to happen when you’re out of town, or on some type of break.

Sir, I’m going to need for you to wake up, quit being enamored by this older woman that you have become infatuated with and get your head out of the clouds. She doesn’t love you. She doesn’t respect you. She doesn’t even think you’re the man for her. You’re probably the only man who has a job/career with money and that is why she wants you to be the father of her child. She is not stupid. She is playing you and you’re so caught up in your emotions and feelings. Get out of your heart and start thinking critically.

She is not your girlfriend. She never was and will never be. She doesn’t want to be married to you. She is pimping and playing you, and you, sir, have fallen for the game. I mean, come on bruh. You go out of town for your career and she is already going out on dates with other guys, and laying up with different men, and you forgive her? Why? She complains you’re always gone, and so you feel guilty for leaving her and having a career? Boy stop!

That doesn’t give her the excuse or reason to go out with other men. Talking about she’s lonely. Well, get a damn pet! Find a hobby. Sleeping with other men is not an activity to replace your loneliness if you’re in a relationship. If she can’t handle you being gone, then she shouldn’t have agreed to be in a monogamous relationship.

She’s a serial cheater. She continues to sleep with other men, and you keep taking her back. Why? Why are you allowing her to do this to you? You can’t be that thirsty for a woman! Geez, bruh, wake up and see her for what she is. She is not to be trusted. She went out of town and for three weeks she did not communicate with you. Please tell me in what relationship does one partner go out of town and they stop communicating with their partner – no emails, texts, or return calls? She was with another man. And, that is exactly where she wanted to be.

That is why when you finally reached her she told you to stop calling her. Then, you learn she is pregnant by another dude. And, she keeps hitting you up and whining in the phone and playing on your heart strings talking about she wants you to be the father of her child. Bwahahahahahahaha. You must have “Boo Boo The Fool” tattooed on your forehead.

Let her go. Move on. She is not your girl. She is not your woman. She is community p***y. She is sleeping with everyone while you’re out of town, and when you’re on some type of a break. She’s lied to you. She’s deceived you. She keeps playing you and you keep falling for it. Either you’re slow in the head, or you’re whipped on the gush-gush. Either way, you don’t deserve what she is doing to you and how she treats you. There are plenty of single, eligible, beautiful, smart, loving, and mature women who would love to have a man like you. She is not one of them. She is trifling and gutter. Get out of the gutter and stop letting her use you. Stop being thirsty, and recognize the game she is running. You’re smarter than that. Change your number. Delete her number. Block her number. Block her on social media. But, let her know that you’re done, it’s over, and you’re not interested in her ploys and games. She’s had ample opportunity to get it together and she blew her chances. Therefore, let her baby daddy take care of her and their child. She made that bed, so let her lie in it. You don’t need that headache and drama in your life. MOVE ON. She doesn’t love you. – Terrance Dean

Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean:  Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter:  @terrancedean and “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook, click HERE!

Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria   Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!



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