Dear Bossip: I Was Sleeping With My Teacher, But Now He's Failing Me

Dear Bossip,

I just want to give a lil bit of a back story before I jump into it. I’m a 17 year old senior in high school, and I will be 18 years old in August.

I currently and proudly hold a 3.0 GPA. My mother is a single mom who works 3 jobs to support myself and my younger brother. Over the years, I’ve taken on the reputation at school as being the party girl/hoe. My mom was always gone, so when I was off of work I would throw parties, do drugs and hook up. I now currently and shamefully hold the record of sleeping with 30 guys (my mom thinks I’m a virgin) at 17.

So, when the opportunity presented itself to sleep with my teacher I gladly accepted, like a naive idiot. My regular geometry teacher had a baby so a substitute teacher came in to fill her place last year. All the girls thought the sub was fine for a teacher, who was in his 30s. Pretty much every girl in school flirted with him, but I noticed he would only be flirty and touchy feely with me. I honestly didn’t think nothing of it, but my friends were super jealous.

Last February my car broke down after I got out of detention and I was by myself in the student parking lot. I was so lucky to find “Mr. Wilks,” but he said it was against policy to take me home. But, since it was 1° outside he’ll do it anyway. The whole ride we talked and when he got to my house he asked to use the restroom, since he lived an hour away. He ended up staying for 3 hours and we talked and talked.

The next day he kept me after class to talk and told me that he’ll give me a ride home until my car is fixed. Two weeks went by and he was still giving me a ride home and then casually staying for 2 or 3 hours talking and helping me study/clean. One thing lead to the next and he kissed me then we eventually slept together. Every day until the end of the school year we kept sleeping together. People started getting suspicious, so we decided to meet at a local hotel. I was so blind and thought he loved me. He told me he would marry me and I fell for it.

After summer he returned back to school to be a permanent teacher. He was now teaching my history class. I was so in love. We had sex everywhere, even once at school. But, November is when everything changed. I took a pregnancy test and it was positive. I was so happy to tell him. But, he freaked out and told me to abort it. I was confused and hurt. I even found out he was married with 3 kids.

However, the pregnancy test ended up being a false positive and I looked to that as a sign to change my life before it spiraled completely out of control and hit rock bottom. I told myself this hoe life is not something to gloat about and I need to do right. Once he found out I wasn’t pregnant he wanted to continue our “romance,” but I cut him off. I decided to swear off men until marriage and focus on my studies. I went from a 1.78 to a 3.0 GPA.

I ignored his calls and his advances. He even threatened me and stalked me. After that he started failing me. I asked to switch teachers, but it was too late in the year. I don’t know what do to?

I’m scared nobody will believe me because of my past reputation? Scared I’ll be blamed? What will my mom think? I’ll destroy his wife and kids. But, if I don’t he can ruin me. What should I do? – Young and Dumb

Dear Ms. Young and Dumb,

It’s truly sad that a young lady, such as yourself, has made some poor decisions in life, with little to no guidance, partying, drinking, drugging, and destroying your body by sleeping with so many people. You have created this reputation for some sense of validation and attention, and now it will come back to haunt you.

What’s ironic is that you know what to do in regards to focusing on school, finding positive outlets, and earning good grades. All of this could have been avoided if this had been your priority from the beginning.

Your teacher is a pedophile, and I’m not sure what state you’re in, but since you’re under 18 years of age, this is statutory rape. He is an adult, a grown ass man preying on young girls. HE DOES NOT NEED TO BE AROUND OR NEAR YOUNG GIRLS. Tell someone and get him out of your school. Despite your past, and what you’ve done, he took advantage of a situation, and you need to tell an adult.

You are not the first young girl he has done this with, and if you don’t say anything, then, you will not be the last. He is disgusting, and a low life. You have to tell someone, and I recommend you find someone you can confide in like a favorite teacher, counselor, or even the principal, but you have to tell someone. He does not need to be around other students as he will continue to do this and get away with it because he will find other girls like you who have reputations and are afraid to say anything. And, yes, some may not believe you, but find someone who will. You’ve got to tell an adult, and I know someone will believe you. Besides, your counselor is obligated to report it and check into it despite your past and reputation.

Also, I really want you to think about why he chose you. Predators and pedophiles purposely seek out their victims. I’m sure he watched and listened to the stories of the troubled young girls by other students and faculty. You know students, and teachers talk, which you’re well aware of, and he heard the stories about your past. He heard all about you and your sleeping around, and he knew that you would be an easy target. So, he flirted with you. He drove you home, and started spending time in your home. He listened to you, and let you confide in him. He developed a friendship with you, and made you feel comfortable. It was all his ploy.

Men like him are dangerous. He makes everyone think he’s a great guy, and he builds supporters on his side. He is manipulative and deceitful. So, when something goes down it makes it hard for those he’s built trust and confidence with to not support him. And, in your situation it will be a case of your word against his. He knows that no one will believe you, the girl who sleeps around, and is flirtatious, and promiscuous.

So, you collect all of the texts, emails, and voicemails you’ve exchanged with one another, especially with the messages he’s sent that are provocative, sexual, and inappropriate. You use all of this information to build your case against him because he will try to throw you under the bus. He and everyone else will use your past against you. But, you’re going to have to be strong, and see this through.

Again, find an adult you can trust and you tell them. You can also write a letter to your principal, or counselor and provide all the details of this relationship. You’re going to have to come clean and tell everything. Also, you’re going to have to tell your mother. You cannot keep this from her. You’re going to have to sit with her and tell her the truth. She will be hurt, angry, upset, and sad. But, you’ve got to tell her. You will need her support, and to have her as an ally to help you deal with the backlash you will receive, and to help you pursue this through to the end. You will lose friends. You will have other students and teachers talking about this and about you. This is going to get ugly.

I also recommend you get into therapy and counseling to deal with your issues. Why are you sleeping around? What are you seeking? You are trying to fill some void in your life, so, what are you dealing with personally, mentally, and emotionally. Also, the drugs and drinking are coping mechanisms for greater issues you are avoiding. You’re too young to be so careless and reckless with your life, especially sleeping with older men who can potentially harm you. You’re having unprotected sex, which can lead to potential diseases, even deadly ones, and, also the potentiality of a pregnancy. Why are you doing this to yourself, and allowing yourself to be used by others? You have so much to live for and a life full of abundant possibilities. Why throw it away? And, as you have learned this man doesn’t care anything about you. He used you, and continues to prey on you. I hope this is a valuable lesson for you. Please take care of yourself. Please get into therapy. Please talk with your mother. Please stop being the angry bad girl. Please get this man out of your schools. Do not feel bad about him losing his family, and his career. He ruined that the moment he crossed the line with you. He doesn’t care about anyone, but himself. He doesn’t care about his wife and children. Again, if he preyed on you, then, please know that there are other girls he’s done this with. He does not deserve to be in a classroom, but in prison. – Terrance Dean

Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean:  loveandrelationships@bossip.com  Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter:  @terrancedean and “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook, click HERE!

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