Dear Bossip: He Doesn't Want A Relationship, Yet, We Go Out & He Shows PDA

Dear Bossip,

I met this guy about four months ago and he had just gotten out of a three year relationship.

We attend the same college, and at first we just sat in class together and did homework together. But, after a couple of months we started hanging out on a social level and he kissed me for the first time. I would spend the night and all we would do was snuggle and kiss. After a couple weeks of this I asked what his intentions were, friends with benefits or dating? He said that since he wants to move to Colorado after graduation (in a year and a half) he’s not looking for anything serious so we should just stay friends. I also am thinking about moving out of the state so I was fine with that.

But, in the past month it’s changed from me coming over to make-out and cuddle to us going out on what would be presumed to be dates. He picks me up at the door and walks me back to the door. He holds my hand when we are in the movies, and basically he is always touching me when we are out and about.

The other night he mentioned that his sister had asked if I was his girlfriend and he said no we were just friends. So, am I completely misreading the signs then? – Confused

Dear Ms. Confused,

A man who puts you in the ‘friends’ zone, and tells you that he is not interested in a relationship, or anything serious, and he invites you over to his home to snuggle, kiss, and make-out, uhm, ma’am, what type of relationship do you think you have? You’re asking him what his intentions are, and if you’re friends with benefits or dating, yet, he’s told you what is going on. So, how are you confused?

He just got out of a three year relationship, and you’ve met him a few months ago and you’re ready to jump into something serious. Do you know what happened in his last relationship with his ex? Is he really over his ex? Why do you think he is hesitant to get into anything serious right now? He told you that he is focused on school, and wants to move after graduation, so he is not looking to commit to anyone, and that you and he should just stay friends. What he’s telling you is that he doesn’t want to hurt you, and he’d prefer to keep you at arm’s length, but he still wants to hang out with you, kick it, and get his freak on.

So, the perceived dates of him picking you up at the door and walking you back to the door are mixed signals, especially, showing public displays of affection. He’s playing on your emotions, and men like this are players. He’s saying one thing, yet he’s doing another. Stay away from him. He will lead you down a rabbit hole and you’ll be stuck on the sofa eating ice cream and crying trying to figure out what happened.

Therefore, you have to tell him to be completely honest about his intentions and desires or leave you alone. Why play these games if he can’t be straight-forward with what he wants. He can’t say he doesn’t want a relationship, yet, act like you’re in a relationship when you’re out in public by touching you, holding your hand, or even asking you to go out. And, you shouldn’t allow yourself to be in this situation and let him play these games with you.

In the meantime, you have to stop the so-called dates, and stop going over to his house to cuddle, lay up with him, and make-out. Why do this to yourself and you’re not clear of his intentions or what is really going on? If he says he doesn’t want a relationship or anything serious, then why do you continue to subject yourself to being his play thing? Why go through this emotional and physical game of making out and staying the night at his home but he doesn’t take you serious and doesn’t want to be in a relationship? End it so you won’t end up with a broken heart.

At some point you have to set the boundaries and not allow him to manipulate you, or, continue to lead you on with a false sense of hope of something that he claims he doesn’t want. Therefore, since he’s told you what he doesn’t want, then, move on and tell him that you’re going to treat him as a friend, because friends don’t make-out, cuddle, go out on dates, and show public displays of affection toward one another. And, friends don’t sleep together. Set the boundaries of this relationship and protect yourself because if you don’t, then, in a few months you will be asking him this same question again, and he will give you the same answer. You’ll run yourself ragged trying to decipher what he wants. Protect yourself and pull back and away from him. Trust and believe when he up and leaves, or he meets another woman and you confront him about it he will tell you that he’s always told you from the beginning that he didn’t want anything serious with you, and he doesn’t understand why you’re so upset, and why you weren’t clear with what he said. Don’t allow yourself to be played, or to continue to play this game with him. You come first. Do not give your heart, mind, and body to someone who cannot be forthright or even clear about their intentions with you. – Terrance Dean

Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean:  loveandrelationships@bossip.com  Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter:  @terrancedean and “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook, click HERE!

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