Dear Bossip: I Cheated & She's Pregnant, But I Want To Save My Marriage

Dear Bossip,

I am in a dilemma. My wife is very unhappy and I feel that we are not going to make it.

To start from the beginning, I met my wife 3 years ago while we both were working. She was in grad school working part-time and I worked part-time outside of my full-time job. When I met her I was going through a separation, and awaiting the 90 days to file for divorce. When I first saw her I knew and felt she was the one for me. She was so independent and self-efficient I thought I wouldn’t have a chance with her. During this time I had been seeing a young girl in her twenties three years prior. This female was just a get-away for me when I would get into with my wife, but she was never going to be my woman officially.

I started perusing my current wife. We both liked sports. We both had children, and she was divorced two years prior. We started dating. We held so many intellectual conversations that I just wanted her, but on the back end the other girl was still lingering. My wife was upfront about how she was in a relationship before; her husband was a cheater and that wasn’t the type of relationship she wanted now. I agreed. So, it progressed quickly.

After 6 months I decided to tell her that I had cheated with the girl. She knew her from our job. I couldn’t stand knowing what I did, so I came clean. She was upset and she didn’t talk to me for a month and half. I was seriously miserable without her. I promised her I wanted to be a better man and wanted to change. We got back together. Things started getting better and eventually we moved in together.

After we moved together I proposed after our first year in our home together. She said yes. I was very happy. Then, my oldest daughter started making problems and my fiancé moved back to her house so we can work through our problems before selling her own home. Even though I was in love, engaged, and still in our relationship I started sleeping with my ex from the store. I was telling my fiancé I was working overtime, or, I knew that on Sundays she spent with her children, so I met with my ex.

Fast forward, and my ex got pregnant. I didn’t come clean with my wife because I was scared she would leave me. Her mother got breast cancer and we all moved up north so she could help her mother. I felt I was free. After that year passed we got married. We had a beautiful wedding. A month later she’s home and I was served with court papers for child support. Now, over the last year she has been harassed through text messages and pictures from this girl. She has sent my wife the voicemails and text messages that we exchanged. Now, my wife is at the point where she is contemplating getting a divorce. I love her and I am truly in love with this woman. She has changed me for the better. I’m faithful to her since moving, but she doesn’t trust me at all. I’m sick everyday knowing that one day it may be over. Please help. I’m on my last leg. – In Love and Wanting My Wife

Dear Mr. In Love and Wanting My Wife,

You are a low down dirty ass dog! Your wife should leave you. And, she should get alimony for what you have put her through.

You met this woman while you were already involved with two women. Though, you were separated from your wife and getting a divorce, you were still legally married. And, you had been sleeping with another woman from your job for three years. So, you were cheating on your wife way before the separation, which means you probably were the cause for your divorce and why your ex-wife left you.

Now, what I don’t understand is why your current wife would want to get involved with someone like you. It is far beyond my imagination, especially if she knew you were still married, though you were getting a divorce, and, then you confessed to cheating with another woman. She should have dumped your ass and left you then. You had too much drama going on in your life, and you should have been working on you and getting your –ish together. You definitely should not have involved another woman into this drama. But, you did, and you didn’t stop sleeping with the other woman from your job.

Hold up! Let’s be very clear about this: You were sleeping with one woman from your job for three years, the same woman you cheated on your wife with, and then you started seeing another woman who also works at the same job? So, you were sleeping with two women from your job!?! You truly are a mess and full of drama!

And, for the record, let’s be clear, you did not cheat on her with the other woman. You had an ongoing relationship three year relationship with the other woman. So, this was not a one-time thing where you cheated and then confessed. No! You had been seeing the other woman for three years. That is a relationship! What is sad is that you continued seeing the other woman even though your fiancé told you that she had been through this very similar situation with her ex-husband. You agreed that you would not continue seeing the other woman, but you did. Thus, you lied!

Not only did you continue seeing the other woman, you got her pregnant. SMDH! So, instead of being honest and telling your fiancé, you up and move to another state with her to help with her mother, hoping that being out of sight and mind that the pregnant woman would just disappear. Then, you proceed to marry your fiancé knowing that you had another woman pregnant. So, you continue to be dishonest, manipulative, and deceptive. You married a woman knowing you had another woman pregnant. You are a dog! Gutter. Trifling.

Then, you want to sit up here and say you love your wife, and she makes you better. Oh, really? She makes you better? Better at what? Better to cheat and lie! Better to continue to be dishonest! You don’t love her. You are selfish and you don’t care about anyone but yourself. You have literally destroyed three different women’s lives, and you want your wife to think your heart is in the right place. You are destructive. You are dangerous. Talking about since you’ve moved you have been faithful. Uhm, why the “F” were you not faithful from the beginning? It takes getting caught, getting another woman pregnant, and the other woman hitting your wife up to let her know about your dirty dog cheating ways, and now you want to be the faithful husband. You are a donkey!

Had you not gotten caught you would still be lying to your wife. And, if the other woman had been quiet about her pregnancy, had the baby, and not interrupted your marriage, then you would have proceeded to engage in two relationships as if nothing was going on. You would still be deceiving your wife. So, no, I don’t feel sorry for you. And, I don’t care if you are on your last leg. I hope your wife kicks you in that last leg, and crush your nuts. Your wife should leave you. I hope she takes your money, and everything she can get from you.

What I don’t understand is people who cheat, and claim they love someone else, marry that person, yet, you continue cheating and get that person pregnant, but hope the person and baby magically disappears, and you don’t want to claim or own up to your responsibility or infidelities, and then, because you want the person and baby to disappear it means you don’t want to take care of your responsibility as a parent, or a father. However, you want your spouse to forgive you and forget any of this ever happened, and to move on as if none of this is due in part to your cheating, lying, deception, and manipulation. Boy, bye! You are clearly delusional. Why don’t you make it easy and just give her the divorce. Recognize what you’ve done, and how you’ve destroyed these relationships. You need to step up and be a father to your child, and figure out child support. You also have to be honest about your relationship with this woman. You’ve been sleeping with her for over three years, therefore, it is a relationship. You need to be honest with yourself and with others. You are destructive. You are a serial cheater. You also like drama. Anyone who can be married, cheat, get a divorce, meet a new woman, continue to cheat, marry again, and cheat on the new wife is clearly someone who lives in drama. Get yourself and your life together. And, it’s time to grow up, be a man, and take ownership of your –ish. You created all of this mess, so clear it up!  – Terrance Dean

Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean:  loveandrelationships@bossip.com  Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter:  @terrancedean and “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook, click HERE!

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