Dear Bossip: He Wants Me, But His Baby Momma Thinks They're Getting Married

Dear Bossip,

I was seeing this guy for about a year and a couple of months. We’ve recently broken up.

I was the one who broke up with him, due to personal issues. He was having financial problems and family problems, such as baby mother drama. I tried to be supportive in both cases and I stuck around. He told me the truth upfront about everything when we first started talking. I stayed anyway thinking it would get better, but at first he showed no signs of anger.

When we got further into the relationship I realize she was using the child against him because she still had feelings for him. We have been broken up since the end of August, but he is just now contacting me again talking about we should work on our relationship and start over fresh. I decided to revisit his pages such as Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram and what I saw next is why I’m contacting you.

So, on his Facebook page I saw that he was flirtatious with her and nothing more. So, I check his other social network pages and saw no signs of him dating anyone or her. So, I find her on Facebook and I see him putting love emojis under her pictures and her making him here MCM, etc. I stroll down and read her statuses and I see that she’s talking about how in March she’s moving to NEW YORK, they are getting married, etc. He’s military and right now he’s in Korea. I saw a lot of things I was unhappy about on how he could move on so quickly with someone else. I love him a lot honestly. I know I may have more than he gave me. I have yet to mention any of this to him and I’m wondering if I should. Should I even give him a second chance? So badly I want to say since your rebound relationship didn’t work now you want to come back to me. NO! And, another part of me is saying take him back if you truly love him. I’m so confused right now. What advice could you give me on this situation? – Confused

Dear Ms. Confused,

You broke up with him for personal reasons such as financial problems and baby momma drama. Now, let’s be very very clear – if you broke up with him because of these issues, then please know that they have not changed and they will persist if you take him back.

I’m curious to know why is he reaching back out to you while he is in the military in Korea. Is it because he’s lonely and needs someone to talk with, connect with, and feel something with. Folks get lonely when the holidays are approaching, and they need to feel connected to loved ones. The holiday spirit makes folk do some weird and crazy things, especially when they see others celebrating and talking about being with loved ones for the holidays, and sharing memories, calls, cards, and gifts. So, is this his attempt to make a connection with you?

Also, if you went on his and his baby momma social media pages and saw the information of her talking about moving to New York and they’re getting married, and he’s leaving love emoijis, then what part of confused are you? You see it plain as day that they are communicating, or at least you saw that he is being flirtatious with her. Then, why do you want to get back with him? Why do you want to go back to your past? If you ended it then why revisit something that didn’t work before?

I don’t understand you people. If you ended a relationship because of two critical things such as money and baby momma drama, then why do you think things have changed in less than 6 months? He’s communicating with her, or at the very least she feels they have something going on if she is making him her MCM, and posting that they are getting married. He’s not refuting it. So, why are you considering getting back with him? If she is talking about getting married, then where did she get this idea from? They had to have had the conversation or discussion about it. Now, unless she’s crazy and delusional, and is posting this information for kicks and giggles, but, if he’s putting love emojis on her timeline and status, then obviously she’s lead to believe something intimate is going on with them, or will happen between them.

Look, he went back to his ex because she is familiar. That’s what people do when they go back and forth between persons – they resort to what’s familiar, which is why he is reaching out to you. They are on break for now, and he’s reaching out to you to reconnect. He wants something familiar, someone he knows. He knows he can always come back to you, just like he can always go back to his baby momma. Ma’am, stop giving him that option. If you remain as his option he will keep you in that position, and keep playing both you and her. NEVER BE A MAN’S OPTION.

And, if you have this information then why not confront him with it? Let him know what you saw and read, and tell him you’re not a rebound woman. He can’t go back and forth between you and his baby momma, and that is exactly what he’s doing. You two women are competing for his attention, and you are allowing yourself to be a part of his game. Why? Why are you desperate to compete for a man? If you get back with him please know he will still have his baby momma drama, she is still in love with him just like you are, and they have a child so she and the child will always be a part of his life. They are not going anywhere. Why invite a headache into your life when you don’t need to? Why allow unwanted and un-needed stress when you don’t have to?

Confront him. Tell him what you know. Tell him what you read. Tell him what you saw. Then, tell him to leave you alone and move on with his life. Let him go, and stop reminiscing over the past, or what you had. If it ended in August, then let it stay in August. Block him on social media. Stop stalking his social media pages. Don’t be that crazy and stalkerish ex-girlfriend who is always on her exes social media pages trying to see what he’s doing and who he’s with. Yeah, I know the holidays are here and you’re lonely. How about you exert that energy into your family, and loved ones, and pour into them all this love you have. How about you find a family who is in need and help them out with some gifts this season. Or, find a shelter or food pantry and donate your time with them, and helping to feed the homeless. The point I’m making is to redirect this energy from him and into those in need. – Terrance Dean

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