Dear Bossip: I Slept With My Best Friend’s Husband And I Don’t Care!

- By Bossip Staff

black woman serious

Dear Bossip,

I’m a 29 year old successful mother of two children. I have an 11 year old son and a 6 year old daughter.

My best friend “Jessica” is 36 years old and married to a wonderful man named David who is 30 years old. They have 1 child together, but in total she has 6 kids by 5 different men. Jessica and I met in cosmetology class 8 years ago. Our friendship started off strong and we bonded very quickly.

I hated going to the clubs with her because she partied a lot harder than me and it would be a struggle to get her out of the club. Right when we were becoming friends is when I met my ex-husband and father of my 6 year old daughter. Jessica constantly had a revolving door of men and hated that I had settled down.

Once my ex-husband and I got married and had our daughter that’s when our friendship shifted. She got mad that I wasn’t partying with her and that I was always with my ex-husband. I told her my man and family comes first and she’ll just have to take a backseat and she didn’t understand that. My ex-husband and I ended up moving cross country because he’s in the military. I noticed that immediately after I left her texts and calls started to become very infrequent.

Then, after that I started hearing several rumors that she was sleeping with my ex-fiancé. My ex-fiancé, I’ll call “Mike,” is the father of my son. At this time I was just gone for 5 months. I didn’t believe it at first because she knew all the crap I went through with him. I ended up calling her and confronting her about what I had heard. She pretty much knew why I was calling and started the conversation off saying, “Please don’t be mad, I have a confession.” Not only did she admit to being with my ex-fiancé, she told me that she was pregnant.

Damn! I left for 5 months and this all happened. I immediately was upset because Mike was my first everything. I was with him from the age of 13 until I was 20 years old. Mike and I broke up because I was tired of waiting on him to change. I felt betrayed by both of them, especially her, and now our children are siblings. After my immediate shock wore off she told me I shouldn’t be mad because I’m with my husband and we have a family. I didn’t understand how she could justify to sleeping with my ex-fiancé and having a child. I immediately cut her off after that.

Four years go by and we ended up reconciling at a party over some drinks. My friends and family immediately opposed, but since I was newly single (my ex-husband and I decided to get a divorce because after years of fighting we decided to be amazing co-parents instead of fighting parents). I went against my better judgment and decided to befriend her. She told me how her and Mike broke up (I already knew that) because he was constantly beating her and that they couldn’t seem to stay faithful to each other (she’s not the monogamous type). I highly doubt that he hit her, but whatever! We started having fun again. She also was engaged, but that didn’t stop her from being up to her old tricks of sleeping with different men every night.

Even though we had a past Jessica was somewhat there for me throughout the divorce, but her selfish ways was still there. I mean the same day I told her the divorce was final is when she announced/interrupted my divorce party to tell everyone what day she was getting married. I admit I was a little mad and jealous! Even after they got married she was still constantly cheating on David. I just didn’t understand her. She even got Chlamydia and wasn’t sure if she gave it to him or not, which she laughed about. David ending up losing his job 4 months ago and they were on the brink of being homeless. Jessica begged and pleaded with me to let them live with me for a few months in my tiny 3 bedroom house, which has a huge basement. I eventually agreed, but 11 people crammed up in a little house was so stressful.

Immediately after they moved in she was constantly gone and cheating on David. It was literally David and I in the house all day and night with the children like a family. One time, she was even gone for 2 weeks. I asked David how could he allow this and he would just shrug it off. We eventually started falling for each other, and then we started sleeping with each other. I know it’s wrong, but I don’t care. I love this man. He’s my soul mate. She doesn’t deserve a man like him and she doesn’t love him. She said she just uses him for money and now that he has none, to her he’s worthless.

He wants to be with me, but he’s scared to tell her. I want to tell her, but I don’t know how. Should I just put all her stuff out and tell her to pack up and leave with her kids? Or, should I wait until she has a stable place to live then kick her out? I want to be with David and vice versa. I just don’t know how to go about it and honestly I want all the extra bodies out of my house and start my life with my man. He doesn’t even sleep with her when she’s home, and when she’s not home he’s in my bed. He tells me every day he loves me and he stopped wearing his wedding ring. He even introduced me to his family as his girlfriend. What should I do? – Ms. Needs Help

Dear Ms. Needs Help,

Okay, I get it. This is your way of getting one up on your best friend. This is your revenge on her for sleeping with your ex-fiancé and having his child, which makes your child and her child siblings. This is your way of getting back at her for embarrassing you and making you look like a fool when she slept with your ex-fiancé and she had no qualms about it. SMDH!

You are no better than her. As much as you try to paint this picture of her as being ratchet, trifling, and low-down for sleeping with various men, and having six children by five different men, uhm, sweetie, you are not better. You have two different children by two different men. You are just as ratchet and trifling as she is because you are sleeping with her husband, in your house, and just like your friend when she slept with your ex-fiancé you have no qualms about it and you don’t care. You are that shallow and mean-spirited that you could care less that if you hurt her, destroy her family, and destroy your friendship.

You both are gutter, low-brow, trifling hoe-ish ass women. You talk about her sleeping around, but what about you? You throw her under the bus for sleeping with your ex-fiancé, but you took it to a whole other level and are sleeping with your best friend’s husband. So, what game are you two playing with each other? Are you both trying to get one up on the other? Are you trying to see who can be the most ratchet? Who can sleep with most men and procure the most children? What are you trying to prove?

You both are silly, immature, and childish. Instead of focusing on your own lives, building yourselves, and creating loving and healthy environments for your children, you both are callously sleeping around, sharing men, and showing your children the type of women you are. So, please do not be alarmed when your children grow up and emulate your behavior. Your daughters will grow up to be the very women you both are, and your sons will grow up to be the very men the men in your lives are.

But, I’m curious to know why are you friends? Seriously, why? Actually, you are not friends. Friends do not do what you two are doing to each other. Friends do not deceive one another, lie to one another, or sleep with each other’s man, past or present. Friends are not in competition with each other over the most bodies they can get into bed and the amount of children they can create.

When you learned that your best friend was sleeping with your ex-fiancé, even though you were married and had moved on, that should have ended your friendship for good. There should have been no reconnecting, and no reconciling. You knew the type of person she was, thus, it should have come as no surprise to you, and you should not have been shocked. But, you let her back into your life – Why? I am not sure. But, maybe you missed the drama, the ratchet behavior, and her trifling ways because, well, she was only being the same woman you are. Correct? Then, you let her back into your life only to sleep with her husband, after you allowed them to live with you because they were down and out. WOW! You have really taken it to a new low.

So, there is nothing I can tell you about your behavior, or, about putting your best friend out of your house, or setting her things out and not confronting her like a woman. You are too cowardly to tell her the truth about what you’re doing. You have no backbone, but can sneak around behind her back, in your own home, and connive with her husband because you feel he is your soul mate. LMBAO! And, you and her husband are too afraid to tell her what you’re doing, and too afraid to confront her, so, you’re plotting on ways to get rid of her so that you two bums can be with each other. You can’t possibly think or feel you are in any way right for what you’re doing and that is why you can’t confront her and tell her the truth. So, I say just be honest. Just be upfront and tell her the truth. Both of you tell her what’s going on between you two, and how you’re not happy about it, and that you don’t want to destroy her spirit, heart, mind, or family, and that you two found love with each other and feel it’s best that she move on and move out so that you and he can be together. Tell her that you wish her well, and that you hope she finds the love she is looking for. Tell her that you still want to be her friend, and that you still want to be there for her, but right now you can’t because you love her husband, and he is a better fit with you than with her. I wish you the best. Just know that the hell you’re creating is the hell you’re going to rot in. – Terrance Dean

***(Attention all media/news outlets, if you use this story and letter, or any parts of this content for your outlets you must give credit to this site, the columnist, and his advice)***

Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean:  loveandrelationships@bossip.com  Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter:  @terrancedean and “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook, click HERE!

author terrance dean

Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria   Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE! 

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