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Black woman fed up 1

Dear Bossip,

My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 years now. We have a little girl who will be a year old soon.

Recently, a female wrote to me on Facebook from of a fake page, and asked if me and (let’s call him “Bob”) Bob was still together. My response was yes. She then replied back and was telling me how he just left her house and she had sex with him and everything.

So, I then called him and he lies and says no he was not over there. He just was texting her and that’s it. So, after I get off the phone with him I reply to back to this girl and she screen shots messages and sends them to me. She says it’s been almost 10 years, and they have been on and off during this time. And, she is the reason why his last relationship with his first baby mother of 6 years did not work out.

I then proceeded to explain to her that she makes her self look crazy because if she has been dealing with him for 10 years, then he only comes to her because she is easy. So, then she calls me on the phone and then calls Bob on 3-way, and my phone is on mute. I hear their whole conversation. So, come to find out, he did have sex with her. He was saying that he loves her and then I hung the phone up.

I called him back and told him I heard everything and now he has explaining to do. He said his reason behind cheating is because he is not getting it how he wants to at home. Now, I give him sex. We are both employed with full-time jobs. I to school online, and I come home and take care of my 2 kids (plus his daughter from a previous relationship when she is over). I’m the only one that cooks and cleans and make sure the kids are ready for school and daycare on time. We also are only working with one vehicle right now. So, I’m also running aground doing errands for him and picking him up at 8pm at night from work. So, by the time I finish doing everything it’s past 12:30 at night and I have to be up by 5am. And, I have expressed to him that I’m tired and if he helps out around the house he could get more sex. But, let’s not mention when we do have sex it only last 5 minutes. He does it enough to satisfy himself, but not me.

Now, he is making it seem like it’s my fault he stepped out on our relationship. I know a woman should please her man, but a man should also help out around the house and want to please their woman as well. I work too hard and I’m emotionally hurt. My mind is running in circles. He is now pleading and saying how sorry he is, and that he will make it right. But, by all means he is 36 years old and it comes a time when playing games gets old. Please help me. I want to kick him to the curve. But, he is making me feel like it’s all my fault. – Turning The Tables

Dear Ms. Turning The Tables,

Your man has been having an on and off relationship with another woman for ten years, a woman he’s been sleeping with and having sex with which cost him his last relationship, and, yet, you’re asking me what to do because he’s telling you that since he can’t get it how he wants at home then he goes to her to be satisfied? You are really asking me what to do with your man who has another baby momma, and their relationship ended after a number years because of another woman? And, now, you’re five years deep into your relationship and you’re just learning he’s been sleeping with this same woman for ten years? This same woman who has been at the center of his life and the cause of drama in his relationships?

SMDH!

Ma’am, I can’t tell you what to do if you already don’t know what to do.

Let’s address the issue that your man has a commitment problem, and he is a womanizer. Yes, he is a womanizer. He uses woman for his leisure and pleasure, and he expects women to take care of him, to take care of the household, and to take care of the children, and his only job is to lay up with you for five minutes and to do his business. He is useless, and worthless, yet, you remained with him for five years. So, ask yourself why? Why is he such a keeper? If he is 35 years old with nothing to show for it, he can’t help around the house, which means he’s lazy and trifling, you’re sharing one car, he hasn’t asked you to marry him, he probably doesn’t have more than a high school diploma, and I’m sure he is not making enough money to keep the house afloat, but you’re able to care for the household, cook, clean, take care of the children, go to school online, drive around and pick him up from work, and find time to give him some sex, and you really think he is such a keeper?  Yeah, okay, I’ll let you ponder of that for a minute.

But, ask yourself how can he honestly sit up and blame his infidelity on you? Really? Really! You’re the reason he is stepping out on the relationship? So, what was his excuse for cheating in his last relationship? And, if she is giving him what he is not getting at home, then why not be with her? Your man is a womanizing controlling troll. He’s bird, a whore. He can’t control himself, so the only thing he feels he can control and manipulate are the women in his life. Ma’am, let the bum go!

He was with his previous baby momma for several years, but he cheated on her. He has a commitment problem. The woman he’s been cheating with tells you that they have been on and off for ten years. Again, he has a commitment problem. He’s been in a relationship with you for five years, and is cheating on you. He has a commitment problem. Your man has never been faithful to any woman. Your man is the issue. He is the problem. Dump him and alleviate all your problems.

Next, notice that each of the women he’s been with he’s never elevated, inspired, empowered, or helped to build with. He’s done nothing but take, destroy, manipulate, and deceive. Now, if all he is doing is taking and not investing, then he is a liability. He is a negative influence, a spiritual vampire, and a user. He doesn’t respect women. He objectifies women. He told you that the reason he was cheating on you is because you were not giving it to him how he wanted. So, in order to be sexually fulfilled he felt it necessary to use another woman to give him what he wanted. This a**hole had the audacity to tell you that you are not fulfilling, you’re not enough, you’re less than, and you’re not maintaining or holding his attention. Everything you do for him, your children, his other child, and for the household is not enough. He doesn’t respect or appreciate all that you do. Basically, you’re just a live in babysitter who is taking care of him and all the children.

Save yourself. Get out of this relationship. Get out and save your life and that of your children. He’s a bum. He’ll never amount to anything. He’s 35 years old with nothing to show for himself. He can’t even last long enough in the bedroom to satisfy you. Why do you want him so badly or to hold on to this relationship? All you do with him is struggle and work harder. Eliminate him out of your life, and I guarantee that your life will be easier. He is a burden, extra weight, and extra baggage. You’re playing house with a man who won’t even lift a finger to cook, clean, or contribute to the household. Therefore, take him to family court, put him on child support, and take his little check, and put him out of your home. Let him go live with the woman who can give him what he wants. Obviously that is where he wants to be. So, let him go be with her. Don’t engage her, or call her or maintain any further communication with her. Don’t go pick him up from work tonight at 8pm. Instead, you set all his things out on the curb, and let him figure out a way to get home, and to get his –ish. It’s time to focus on you and your children, and get your sanity back. – Terrance Dean

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Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean:  loveandrelationships@bossip.com  Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter:  @terrancedean and “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook, click HERE!

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