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Black woman angry

Dear Bossip,

I am so in love with my ex till I cannot stop wanting him.

We were together for 4 years while he was married to his wife. I used to hear how she would argue with him, so I really didn’t care about dealing with him. We took trips and hung out all the time. He even was the bomb in bed. Well, going into the 5th year of our relationship, he caught his wife cheating and decided to get a divorce. I helped him look for an apartment and even applied with him because I was finally his one and only. The apartment was not going to be ready for 60 days, so he was still at his wife’s house during that time, but it was all about me.

Well, after we came back from our trip and returned to work, I noticed he was occasionally talking to a chic that came into the job all the time. My friend told me that after about 3 months he was dating the girl. I approached her afterward and she stated she was friends with him, but if he was her man he would claim her. I didn’t understand. Well, I continued to watch and sure enough he was taking her on dates as well as talking on the phone with her. I found out because I tracked his phone one night. He had moved in the apartment a month before I tracked him, but I didn’t know he had given her a key, as well as had her decorating his place. My friend told me everything. I was really hurt.

Well, at least they weren’t living together. I popped up over to the apartment one night when I knew she was not going to be there because she was in grad school from what I knew. He let me in and things just happened. So, at this point I knew he was not over me.  But, to my surprise he told her everything. They broke up for a while, but he was running behind her and pleading her to get back together. They got back together and moved into another apartment together. I was mad as hell because he was mine.

Well, his daughter moved in with them and she began to destroy their relationship and was telling me everything. The chic left him and that was my moment again. So, I moved him in my place and we were good I thought. But, his daughter told me that he was trying to work things out with girl. I continued to sleep with him trying to change his mind and show him I could be a wife.  He moved out after 2 months and I found out he was back together with her. He changed his whole life to be with her. I later found out I was pregnant.

Now, it’s been 3 years since my baby was born and he won’t talk to me. He married that girl and is all about her and the family. I WANT him BACK ASAP. I text her all the time trying to make her and their relationship miserable. I even told his ex-wife that she was the one who broke their marriage up just to make him leave her, but it didn’t work. Me and his ex-wife are now besties and we’re trying to break up the marriage. I want my baby daddy back so bad I will do anything. Why didn’t he commit to me? Why did he change for her? Why couldn’t he see I had a lot to offer? – In Love With My Ex

Dear Ms. In Love With My Ex,

You are not in love with your ex. You are obsessed with your ex. He doesn’t want you. He never loved you. He has moved on and he is with the woman he wants to be with. He married another woman, therefore, you should move on. Nothing you can do, or say will get him to change his mind, leave his wife, and be with you. NOTHING!

And, I feel sorry for you because you are in hell. A miserable lonely and pitiful hell. It’s sad because you chose this hell, and feel quite comfortable there. And, because you find it a warm and cozy place to dwell you want everyone else to be there with you. What’s even worse is that you are viciously dangerous and evil. Your heart is cold and you are filled with spite. Women like you are poisonous and dangerous. You are conniving, and you won’t stop destroying everything and everyone around you until there is nothing left.

You were with a married man for four years, having an affair, and taking from him that which he should have given to his family. But, you didn’t care. You wanted what you wanted, and it didn’t matter to you that he was married, you were sleeping with another woman’s husband, and destroying a family. That meant nothing to you because your focus was him. Yet, now you’re bragging that you are besties with his ex-wife and you two are working together to destroy and end his marriage with a woman he left you for. So, you are malicious and deceptive. You lied to his ex-wife and manipulated her into your drama by telling her that his new wife is the reason he left her. You failed to reveal or share that you were part of the cause and reason his marriage ended. You were the other woman for four years while he was married. Now, you are using this woman to be part of your cruel and sadistic game. You are evil and vile.

It is actually pointless and useless to write a response to you because you won’t adhere to any advice, or even listen to what I have to say. This statement you wrote says it all, “I want my baby daddy back so bad I will do anything.” And, that is exactly what you are doing, ANYTHING! You are texting his wife constantly trying to end their marriage. You have his daughter and ex-wife part of your plan and working up schemes to destroy his relationship. You are using your own child as a pawn. Ma’am, you won’t stop being destructive and malicious until everyone around you is miserable just as you. By the way, you are not in love, but you are a stalker, and are obsessed with someone who does not want to be with you. You’re so far gone that you can’t see how unhealthy your behavior is to you mentally and emotionally.

Now, you’re asking me, “Why didn’t he commit to me? Why did he change for her? Why couldn’t he see I had a lot to offer?” He didn’t commit to you because he didn’t want to be with you. He used you while he was with his wife. He was never going to leave his wife to be with you. Men never leave their wives for the mistress. You are an escape from their wives, not an exit. Why is so hard for you to accept the fact he doesn’t, didn’t, and won’t be with you. NEVER!

He changed for his current wife because that is the woman he wanted to be with. She wasn’t like you and wasn’t willing to play second, or be his side chick. She demanded something better from him, and for herself. So, he changed because she demanded he do so. Other than that, who knows why he changed. It can be a number of reasons. But, one reason I can bet on is that he knew he didn’t want to be with you anymore. You’re going to have to let him go, and stop harassing him and his wife. You’re obsessing over him as if he owes you something. Ma’am, he doesn’t owe you anything. You can’t make him love you, want to be with you, or marry you.

And, he couldn’t see that you had a lot to offer because he was married, and then going through a divorce, and he all he could see was his drama, his mess, his own –ish and how he was destroying everything and everyone around him. You were even part of his aftermath, and you refuse to see how he used you, and even destroyed your life. He used you. Why would you want to be with a man who cheated on his wife, help to destroy his own marriage, and then while he was with you he was sleeping with another woman. What woman in her right mind would want to be with a man who is a womanizer, and a constant and consistent cheater?

You. Need. Help. Seriously. You should get into counseling and work on your obsession. You are a stalker. Your behavior is not normal. Please, for your own sake and for your child’s sake, get help. Mentally, you are not all there, and you are in a dark place. What you are doing, and this “all or nothing” mentally will have you acting and doing things that will get so out of hand that it will do some serious harm to yourself and others. Stop. Get help today, and talk with someone. – Terrance Dean

***(Attention all media/news outlets, if you use this story and letter, or any parts of this content for your outlets you must give credit to this site, the columnist, and his advice)**

Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean:  loveandrelationships@bossip.com  Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter:  @terrancedean and “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook, click HERE!

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