Dear Bossip: I’ve Met His Friends, But He Doesn’t Acknowledge Us On Social Media

- By Bossip Staff

Black Man on laptop

Dear Bossip,

I have been dating this guy for almost a year and everything is great between us.

It’s a long distance relationship, but it’s a 3 hour drive and we try to see each other every month or so. He has a very small circle of friends that he actually hangs with on a daily basis and I’ve met them. I haven’t met his mom because she is heavily religious and unless he proposes that’s when she would want to meet me. But, she does know of me. I also met his grandfather.

However, the problem I’m having is that his friends have no knowledge of our relationship on social media, which bothers me because I have trust issues from past relationships. And, he knows this, but according to him the 4,000 plus friends that he has on there doesn’t matter. He says that the people that matter in his life know of me. So, I don’t know if I should be concerned or just leave it alone because I don’t see why a guy wouldn’t want to put that out there if he has a girlfriend if he’s that happy. – Why Hide Me

Dear Ms. Why Hide Me,

If you don’t go somewhere and sit down! Chile, you folks and this damn social media, and the need to be recognized and acknowledged by random strange folks who you will never meet or never come in contact. Does it really matter if 4,000 random strange people know about your relationship? Those people are not thinking about you, and nor are they that concerned about you and your relationship.

Girl, you’ve met the people in his life that actually mean something to him. You’ve met his friends, and his grandfather. The only person you haven’t met is his mother, however, she knows of you. But, the only reason you haven’t met her is because of her religious beliefs.

You are sitting over there pouting and being upset because 4,000 plus people on his social media doesn’t know he is in a relationship with you, and he isn’t posting pictures and updates about his relationship. Uhm, sweetie, I bet that he doesn’t even know all of the 4,000 persons on his social media. I don’t know anyone who knows all the persons on their social media friends list. Most of the times you are friends with someone based on recommendations from the social media site, and they base those recommendations on the friends you have, or the number of friends you have in common. Why are you getting your panties in a bunch because 4,000 people he probably will never meet don’t know about you? Those people are not his friends. They are online associates. Please don’t confuse real friends and friendships with online social relationships.

Your concern shouldn’t be about him introducing you and showing you off on his social media. Your concern should be why he hasn’t proposed marriage, or even if he will propose marriage. You’ve been together for a year, so, are you two discussing marriage? Are you discussing the next steps in your relationships, and where the relationship is heading? What are your goals? What are his goals? What does he want out of life? You haven’t met his mother, and is he making plans to make that happen? If you are special to him, then that is the person you should be most concerned with meeting. And, to be honest, if you can’t his social media now, then what is going to happen later on in your relationship? Will it be a problem for you because he isn’t posting and sharing photos about you?

Also, you say that you have trust issues from your past relationships. Well, if this is bothering you, then perhaps you should take a break and work on you. If you find yourself not being able to trust him, or you feel he may be up to something, then maybe this relationship is not for you. If he isn’t making you feel special, and as the number one lady in his life by broadcasting and proclaiming his life in public and social places, and, if that is something that will make you feel more comfortable and at ease, then maybe he is not the one for you.

You and he should have a serious conversation about your relationship, and also, more importantly, public displays of affection, attention, and acknowledgement. If he is having problems or issues with showing you off, displaying his affection, affirming his relationship with you, and acknowledging you in public spaces, then, you and he should discuss why and how to resolve this. Again, if he is introducing you to his personal and close friends, including his grandfather, then, it does show that he is interested in you. And, also, why haven’t you met any of his other family members? Does he have brothers and sisters? What about aunts and uncles? Have you been to a family gathering, or event? What about holidays? You mention you are in a long distance relationship, so, I assume that holidays would be the best time to meet those who are special in his life.

You have to decide what you will tolerate and what you won’t. If his social media friends knowing about your relationship really matters to you, then let him know and what it will mean to you if he posted about you and your relationship. Let him know that you would like to be acknowledged, and recognized. If he resists, or doesn’t adhere to your request, then maybe he is not as into you as you think he is. – Terrance Dean

***(Attention all media/news outlets, if you use this story and letter, or any parts of this content for your outlets you must give credit to this site, the columnist, and his advice)**

Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean:  loveandrelationships@bossip.com  Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter:  @terrancedean and “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook, click HERE!

author terrance dean

Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria   Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!

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