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Dear Bossip,

Ok, so let me break this down. I am a recently single 23 year old white female.

I have two kids and I just started dating and going out again. All of the guys I meet are not what I’m looking for. So, two months ago I went out with some girlfriends and I met someone at a club (black guy 27 years old) who I thought was cute and we exchanged numbers.

Well, when I got home that night we talked on the phone and I found out he was dating someone and that’s not ever been my style. So, I told him to kick rocks. Well, we texted as friends for a month and I actually starting liking the guy…. A lot. Which led to sexting…Which led to meeting up… And other things… At one point, I said “If this isn’t going anywhere then we should stop talking,” and he has a way of making me feel like we should at least stay friends. But, it never stays that way long. We actually just had sex for the first time and he is still talking to me, but I now feel the need to be jealous. And, maybe check his Facebook page often! I know I sound like a crazy b***h, but dude has really got me falling!

So, anyways he has a lot of white friends that are girls. And, it seems like I may be in a “Weekly rotation”?!? But, I enjoy his company. I really enjoy the sex. And, he is the first guy that I have slept with or even liked since my long term ex. Should I let this burn, and not talk at all to him anymore? Or have fun and risk getting hurt? – The Sex Is Good

Dear Ms. The Sex Is Good,

Well, sweetie, you’re already humping the man and he’s got you feigning, although you said you were not interested in seeing a man who is dating someone. You said, “that’s never been my style.” So, I’m just curious, Ms. Vanilla Swirl, what happened to your morals and values? Did you just throw them out the window and decide to explore the tempted nectar of the Black man? If it’s not your style, then why are you doing it? Why are you seeing a man who is dating someone else? And, if you feel or suspect you are in a “weekly rotation,” then, are you comfortable with your position? Obviously, since you can’t seem to stop texting, sexting, and sleeping with him. Oh, and why are you stalking his Facebook page? Why are you torturing yourself? He will never be with you, or make you his woman. So, what is the purpose of trolling his Facebook page? Jeez, I swear some of you are a glutton for punishment.

But, I love your statement where you wrote, “At one point I said “if this isn’t going anywhere then we should stop talking” and he has a way of making me feel like we should at least stay friends.” I can’t! At first you didn’t want to be involved with a guy who was seeing someone else, but then you start making demands. Huh? Where do you some of you women come from? Seriously, where do you come from? I love your sense of entitlement, and thinking he’s going to end his philandering and make you his girl after texting, then sexting for a few months. Really? You feel that he is going to give all this up for you? Ma’am, stop. Please let it and him go.

And, no one can make you stay friends with them unless you want to. You knew you wanted to jump his bones when you first met him. So, why are you trying to play shy and coy? Please stop playing the victim with this damsel in distress routine. Ugh! You are chasing a fairy tale, a romanticized hope that he will be your children’s new father, and you will have a new man.

And, why would you ever think you could just be “friends” with a man who has a girlfriend? He’s been upfront with you and yet you still pursue him hoping for something to manifest between you two. Why? What is the end goal for you? He’s seeing someone else. So, why would you date a man who is not faithful and hope that he will be faithful with you? Doesn’t that sound dumb? Why are you even entertaining him and his conversations? Ugh, I swear stupid is what stupid does.

I gather that this is nothing new for you. You have done this before because no one woman who has any type of ethics or morals would do what you’re doing, and hope a man would choose them. You’ve been a side chick, or side piece and you seemed to have held out hope. Look, I know it’s hard to break old habits, but my dear if you want to be and do better, then you’ve got to change. You have to stop devaluing yourself. Why, oh why, would you keep texting this man, sexting him, and sleeping with him when you already know the end result? And, now, you’re stalking the man! Chile, that must be some good ole black d**k. He got you stalking his Facebook page, and then you find out he has a lot of white female friends and you’re a part of his weekly rotation. Uhm, is your name BECKY? LMBAO!

Look, I think you need to stop all contact and communication with this man. It’s obvious you can’t handle the terms of the situation, which is that you’re a booty call. And, when you’re a booty call you don’t stalk, catch feelings, or make demands to be other than such. You’re a jump-off. Stay in your lane and stop trying to merge. It’s obvious you have gotten sprung on that Mandingo meat. Move on, and let that man go. He is not going to stop being a man-whore for you. And, since you know that he has you in a weekly rotation then why are you sticking around? Are you satisfied with sharing community d**k? Why am I asking you this question, of course you don’t mind sharing community d**k. Hey, are you willing to be on the cover of my new magazine called SPRUNG?  If so, please let me know ASAP! – Terrance Dean

Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean:  Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter:  @terrancedean and “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook, click HERE!

Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria   Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!

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