Buffie Writes Op-Ed Over Dr. Jackie’s “Infertile” Comment
Buffie Purselle’s had enough. The “Married To Medicine” newbie is once again calling out one of the cast OGs for what she says was an intentionally “mean and malicious” comment. As previously reported on a forthcoming episode of “Married To Medicine” Buffie will be seen looking on in horror as Dr. Jackie Walters lets a crowded room know that Buffie’s “infertile.” Jackie made the comment while talking about her own fertility issues after beating breast cancer.
“4 years ago, I got breast cancer, said Dr. Jackie. “And the thing that we grow up, most of us wanting to do, you can’t do. And Buffie, you can relate. You’re infertile.”
Since then Dr. Jackie has denied that she made the comment maliciously—but Buffie’s not buying it.
Buffie recently penned an op-ed exclusively shared with TheClosetRatchet calling out the OBGYN for her hurtful comment. The reality star compared Dr. Jackie’s actions to being stabbed “in front of everyone” and denied being “too sensitive”, apparently Dr. Jackie and some “Married to Medicine” fans have claimed that Buffie’s overreacting.
She also once again asserted that she’s NOT “infertile” but instead has had multiple heartbreaking miscarriages.
“This statement, being proclaimed for all to hear, pierced me deeply,” wrote Buffie. “The weight of this took a moment to register, but once it did, I realized I was bleeding profusely. I showed a brief moment of distress but quickly pulled myself together and carried on as if I wasn’t severely wounded.
“When I finally mustered the strength and presence of mind to confront my attacker, I was accused of being “too sensitive.” Too sensitive? What does that actually mean? At face value, it suggests that my reaction to the statement was inappropriate or overblown. Dig deeper and what that statement really says is that both my feelings and my response are invalid.
“I am calling for a moratorium on the use of the words “too sensitive.” Have you considered that maybe, in fact, YOU are not sensitive enough?”
You can read the entire Op-Ed below.
“Stabbed & Too Ashamed To Say “Ouch” By – Buffie Purselle & Dr. David C. Purselle
Imagine going to a party, and someone that you know walks up — and stabs you in front of everyone. You first experience shock as you grasp at the wound, but then you attempt to hide the injury to avoid scrutiny – “That didn’t hurt!” You try to fight back the tears from the pain of your bleeding wound. “You are getting blood all over the floor!” When you finally do show the injury, you are asked: “what did YOU do to get stabbed?”
Obviously, this is a dramatized metaphor, but it describes a recent experience I had being verbally stabbed in front of a group of strangers with a knife in the form of “Buffie, you are infertile.” This statement, being proclaimed for all to hear, pierced me deeply. The weight of this took a moment to register, but once it did, I realized I was bleeding profusely. I showed a brief moment of distress but quickly pulled myself together and carried on as if I wasn’t severely wounded. This is how I was raised. I was able to find some strength from within somehow, and apply the skills for appropriate social interactions so as not to further draw attention to myself. After all, the event I was attending was not about me, and I was determined to keep it that way.
When I finally mustered the strength and presence of mind to confront my attacker, I was accused of being “too sensitive.” Too sensitive? What does that actually mean? At face value, it suggests that my reaction to the statement was inappropriate or overblown. Dig deeper and what that statement really says is that both my feelings and my response are invalid.
The word infertile doesn’t begin to describe me clinically or as a person. My husband and I have had fertility challenges, but we can and have gotten pregnant. I have been unable to carry my babies to full term. It’s incredibly difficult even to share my experience because I still feel like I failed at something that every other woman in the world can do. I identify with Michelle Obama and her struggles with fertility, as written in her book, “Becoming.” I wept as I read her words – “A miscarriage is lonely, painful, and demoralizing almost on a cellular level.”
Since nobody’s experience is the same, even in shared situations, it is impossible to understand how a significant event may impact someone else fully. Projecting what you think your reaction would be onto someone else is unfair and can be insensitive and unempathetic. Repeatedly dismissing another’s emotional reaction to experienced insults verges on bullying and victim shaming. Just because I have a reaction that others may not does not mean my response is wrong.
So what happens when we are repeatedly told that our emotions are wrong? We begin to question them ourselves. At the moment, this internal conflict can be confusing and result in a reaction that can mask the true emotion. Pushing aside uncomfortable emotions like anger, shame, and embarrassment and displaying a more “socially acceptable” emotion can become an overcompensation and result in behaviors that may be confusing to others. In the moment of my “stabbing,” I pushed aside the immense negative emotions I was experiencing and relied on what I have learned from previous situations – saying “ouch” will cause me more pain, so I will pretend it doesn’t hurt.
The subsequent victim shaming and bullying I endured via social media only compounded the humiliation. This will undoubtedly influence my reaction to the next embarrassing situation in which I find myself, and yes, I might seem to some to be “too sensitive.” I make NO apologies for my hurt, sensitivity, or my anger. And, am certainly not asking anyone else to “validate” my feelings or reactions. I am not perfect. But, I am woman enough to own who I am (and also appreciate there is room for growth, self-improvement, humility, and forgiveness). So, for any “haters” out there — my reactions and emotions are just that MINE. What happened to me happens to millions of women each day. And why is that? Why do we always judge each other so harshly for just being human? Why is that society relegates anything remotely emotional to acting “like a girl.” As if that is somehow lesser than.
Ironically, the event that I was attending that night was meant to promote a major accomplishment, uplift, and empower other women. I challenge us ACTUALLY to begin promoting, uplifting and empowering other women. Empower us to not only be strong and confident and to run the world but also to be vulnerable and human and empathetic to others.
I am calling for a moratorium on the use of the words “too sensitive.” Have you considered that maybe, in fact, YOU are not sensitive enough?”
Poor Buffie is clearly very hurt by Dr. Jackie’s comment and she’s adamant that she’s owed an apology—do YOU agree?
See what Dr. Jackie thinks about all this on the flip.